I was in the wrong, AIBU to be disappointed anyway?

Have you heard of coercive control? This will only get worse.

Please, whatever else you do. Do not let him know you post on here. Make sure all your passwords are tight. He sounds nightmarish.

LTB

Dh husband's reaction was OTT from the start, he is obviously very possessive- which needs addressing, tell him to drop it, or you insist on going to therapy together to address his possessiveness.

Many congratulations on your achievement, and passing your exam.

OP I read all of your posts together. Your husband is a walking Red Flag. Please do not feel embarrassed, and please take care of yourself and stay safe💐

Why should the DH be " hurt" because she added anyone onto her Facebook??

What would he do if you said, no my devices are private from now on

Are you concerned he may physically harm you?

I’ve read all your updates, why would you want to live like this? It’s not normal or healthy.

Regardless of whether she should have accepted FB request, why is the husband monitoring her FB daily, telling her who she can be friends with, and checking her email? I have no sympathy for him!

Why on earth did he need to check your phone to see your exam results? He could have acted like a normal person and asked you.
That, coupled with checking who you have/don't have as Fb friends and following that up with a complaint to your GP ... you need to make it very clear to him that he's well out of order.
The HCA was totally wrong too though. Soliciting personal contact with patients is expressly forbidden by the NHS.

@Tamtim "What the hell is a medical professional doing trying to friend a patient on Facebook? Hugely unprofessional and a big old red flag. I’d be pissed off if my DH friended a 27 year old woman who did his medical."

I agree. It's strange that the HCP felt comfortable doing this and that the OP doesn't find it at all weird and a bit creepy. At a minimum it breaches data protection.

I must admit I think everyone is downplaying what the OP did.
Recently a staff member from DC's nursery sent a friend request tot DH. He immediately told me, blocked them, and told them in person it was inappropriate.

The health worker was wrong, there are 0 innocent reasons for adding a patient. There are also 0 innocent reasons for accepting it.

The OP's DH is not reacting well but his hurt is understandable.

many emails still berating me for my terrible behaviour

red flag in the op. My goodness what an overreaction. He sounds extremely controlling.

This comment is a joke - right?

No reasonable person could possibly be suggesting any of this. Give your head a wobble.

You weren't unreasonable to accept it but the physician was completely unprofessional to friend request you, but to be honest all that is completely irrelevant.

You need to get out of this marriage, what you are describing is controlling and coercive behaviour and it IS domestic abuse, you could do with speaking to women's aid for advice, you are in danger whether you realise it or not.

You H has massively overreacted but you’ve been daft too. You must know that a young male who had done a health check on you should not be asking to be your friend on social media.
I don’t accept lots of ‘friends’ some are millionaires or astronauts or so they say!! 🤣 I don’t accept friends male or female if they’re not my actual friends. Although I have friends who have hundreds of friends - even if they’ve sat next to them on public transport.
You both have trust issues that you need to work through in a sensible and grown up way - good luck!

But would you find a way to ‘punish’ him for breaking the rules?

Anyone is entitled to feel however they wish about a partners behaviour, and to express their own boundaries. But the DH in this case is controlling OP and has got her so confused about what’s normal that she’s just keeping her head down. And passing her exam despite it, so well done @DopamineDeficient

OP none of this is normal or healthy.

Going through a divorce and house move might very well be exhausting and stressful, but surely so will living like this for the rest of your life? Even more so in retirement when he will be able to control who you see and speak to far more. Please get out while you still have your own finances and health.

Wtf did I just read? Appease him, fuck off.

I don’t add anyone to social media, because I don’t want to. If someone else does want to, it’s not ‘naive’, it’s their choice and not for their partner to police.

You are either controlling or being controlled, but your position is not healthy.

Why on earth is your husband checking your 'phone regularly, do you check his?

I can honestly say I never looked at my husband's phone, nor he at mine. It just wouldn't have occurred to either of us.

Apart from that, the health care guy wanting to 'befriend' you is most unusual and unprofessional. I wonder if he does that to all the girls, with some agenda.

The healthcare worker was very unprofessionable
Your husbands reaction is untolerable and wrong

Look at some of the language you use in relation to your husband - 'rules' 'that would be unacceptable' checks my phone' I wouldn't be staying with someone who exhibited any of these behaviours. And I suspect this is the tip of the red flags.

You are an intelligent sucessful woman. Remember that. Life is very short, is this how you want to live it. ?

Are you in the US, OP? Private health care?

You should leave your husband or tell him he needs help with his jealousy as it's causing him to be controlling and abusive. If he doesn't get help, leave. It might be safer for you to leave anyway. You sound afraid of him.

why are there any rules-hes not your teacher hes your husband

has he always been like this-do you think this is normal

Run. Run now.

The health care provider crossed a boundary he shouldn't have. I would have reported that, not accepted the request.

Your husband is massively controlling and abusive.

I actually do think it is a bit weird both to send and to accept a friend request in these circumstances. Extremely unprofessional of the healthcare professional, and I would not have accepted in your shoes for that reason. However, your husband sounds extremely controlling even aside from this.

When I was with a pathologically controlling man, I found myself semi-consciously micro-rebelling in small ways, perhaps as a way to try and gain some control back (unsuccessfully). It's really only as I think back that I see that's what I was doing. What I should have done is to tell him to eff off.