I was in the wrong, AIBU to be disappointed anyway?

It already has been complained about by the husband. The HCA’s workplace is aware. OP doesn’t have to pursue a complaint when she’s working and tired out by being called vile and disgusting, sent emails by her husband etc.

Please tell me this man doesn’t track your whereabouts too.

OP the man adding you and you accepting is a complete red herring and you need to forget about it.

What you need to focus on is your DH’s behaviour towards you and how it’s completely inappropriate.

He should not have your passwords, he should not be checking emails or messages and you should be able to change your passwords whenever you want.

What was your childhood like?
Was it normal that your parents had complete control?

I have teens and they have much more freedom than you do.

The only reason I had ever imposed rules with SM etc is because they are not mature enough to keep themselves safe and are vulnerable - but you are a grown adult acting like a child.
It’s not normal.

This is coercive control and it’s exhausting, it wears you down. You’re right to take a breath to think about next steps. A private conversation with a solicitor will give you straightforward advice about where you stand with the house etc.

Your husband is controlling but the HCP is massively in the wrong. It’s incredibly inappropriate and unprofessional to send a friend request to a patient. That should be complained about - because he needs to learn a lesson to not do that again.

I know it's easy to say and it's not your current reality - the FB is actually irrelevant.

He has the passwords to your phone and SM and you're not allowed to change, he holds you to rules, but he won't tell you what they are, he specifically says that his control is the only way to stop you cheating, and his surveillance of you is so intense that he knows exactly how many FB friends you have, and he's still beating you down about the FB request a week later, he checked your exam results on your phone (what the heck am I reading here, seriously) and is intentionally keeping on berating you about the FB request so he doesn't have to acknowledge your achievement ...

This is no way to live. You can't see the woods for all the blooming red flags ...

I think you are missing the point of the vast majority of posts - your husband is showing deeply concerning behaviour in:

• dictating who you can have on facebook
• noticing and commenting on who you have on facebook
• still arguing about it a week later
• punishing you by not being nice about your acheivements

None of this is normal. My DH wouldn't know if I got a new friend and trusts me enough to be able to adult my own accounts. unless there is some back story that you have had affairs, he is being very very unreasonable. You didnt need to apologise. I do think the medical professional was odd, but that's not the issue. I would be having a serious think around whether this is a pattern of behaviour and what do about it.

This is the issue - you still being held to account a week later for a simple mistake. If you have a conversation with the local rabbi or vicar that will be a potential affair as well in your husband’s mind.

I have old boyfriends from over 25 years ago on my social media and their wives are not bothered.

why is he checking your phone?!

My husband has no idea who my Facebook friends are and wouldn’t dream of telling me who I could and couldn’t befriend.

Has he always been such a knob?

It doesn’t matter that you liked his bedside manner - he can be a friendly person and he was wrong to contact you on social media with a friend request. That was dealt with by you deleting him. He overstepped professional boundaries and he will have been spoken to by his employer or disciplined. It’s likely he won’t do this again. You didn’t want to report it because you have dealt with it.

It’s the reaction of your husband that is over the top. He doesn’t own you.You have free will to accept friend requests, or not, as you wish. You are allowed to keep passwords private. A marriage certificate and a jointly owned house does not excuse his behaviour towards you.

Why aren't you addressing the many, many posts that day your relationship is concerning and your husband is abusive?

This is 100% red flag behaviour- this is emotionally abusive - read your message back OP - you sound bullied, harassed and with an abuser

OP, you are not responsible for your husband's insecurities. You are entitled to friends and privacy and to have your own passwords. Your husband doesnt own you. I'd be changing my passwords and saying "If you dont trust me then that is entirely your own problem".

I’ve read all posts thank you - OP is willing to row with him, make him delete stuff etc etc - I don’t think she’s scared at all…. I actually think they’re as bad as each other.
If she was that terrified of him she’d NEVER have accepted the 27 year old health worker as a friend - totally daft as I said in my original post.
If my husband had done similar with a female health worker he would be deleting it pronto and have a few sharp words from me. I would probably be curious at who else he’d accepted as a friend so we’d talk about that too - doesn’t make me a coercive controller!!
She’s angry and upset and I’m sure much has been written in anger and her frustration with him - they both need to calm down and approach this as adults.

There are a number of issues to unpick here:

1. your husband is an abusive, controlling cunt
2. the healthcare practitioner was beyond inappropriate and you absolutely should raise it with the practice.
3. why are you not able to see that both of these men have behaved terribly in this scenario?!
4. why don’t you think you deserve better than this bullshit?

If my partner was policing who I was friends with on social media and checking my phone, I'd dump him.

FWIW, a healthcare professional who has treated/been consulted by you shouldn't be sending you friend requests, but you did nothing wrong by accepting it. I've got lots of male friends on my social media, including ones I've never even met in real life. My DP wouldn't even bat an eyelid at this, let alone kick off at me and give me the silent treatment.

That said, there are a million Mumsnetters who seem to think that if their DH so much as glances at the profile of any woman at all on social media they're entitled to demand he deletes his entire online presences and self-flagellates for a month while she 'gets her ducks in a row', so maybe I'm in the minority here.

Jfc.

I would not tolerate this kind of behaviour from my husband. You should be raging that he spoke to the doctors ‘on your behalf’. It’s also disgusting that he punishing you by not celebrating your achievement.
Get angry @DopamineDeficient. Don’t accept this sort of shit. Tell him you want an apology for overstepping at the doctors.. that’s outrageous.

And if he’s got form for this shit, then I’d think about leaving him!!

Fb friend request bit bizarre but....
"he is fully convinced that the only reason I am faithful is because he monitors my interactions and prevents it."
Get rid.

Struggling to believe two married, middle-aged professionals actually behave like this but if this is real, then woman up OP and leave this idiot!

This with a million bells on

Please read all OP's posts. Her husband is incapable of working through anything in a sensible and grown up way. He is abusive and OP is scared of him.

There is nothing to downplay. It’s a fairly non-issue accepting a friend request from somebody she knows in a professional capacity and then removed when her husband noted it.