I was in the wrong, AIBU to be disappointed anyway?

• Congrats on your qualification 👏 👏 👏
• Husband is an arse - anyone trying to police who I can be friends with irl or online can get to hell 🙄
• Very unprofessional of the health care assistant.

“Allowed”? “Rules”?

You know your husband is a controlling abuser, correct? Why and how do you live with someone who speaks this way?

I add whoever I want to my social media and my husband doesn’t get a say. He also doesn’t use the “you’d have cheated but I stopped you” language yours seems to so often employ.

It will later come up he was the one cheating, OP. Please, please leave this man. There is no work that can salvage this mess. No second or sixteenth chances. Please break free from this abuser.

But why are you putting up with all this nonsense? Wouldn't being on your own be better? Where is your backbone?

I can't imagine anyone having the audacity to tell me who I can and cannot have on my Facebook. That said, the HCA shouldn't have added you and if they lose their job over it, it's on them not you and your marriage.

Sounds like you're doing good for yourself so take your new qualifications and start your new life without him. DOn't let him drag you down any longer.

You didn't do anything wrong.
Make your phone more secure!

Jesus fucking christ are you on glue.
Do not do this.
Your husband is an abusive controlling bastard.
Leave him.
Do not fucking appease him.

Your husband is a controlling twat, and is undoubtedly doing all this because your achievements and earning power make him feel inferior. I have loads of male Facebook friends, my husband is mature and secure enough to know that that is all they are.

You need to have a serious think about whether you need this nonsense in your life. If you want the marriage to continue, you could try a serious conversation about his insecurity and say that he must go for counselling to sort himself out. In the meantime, he will be blocked from access to your phone and social media and if you hear any more of this nonsense you will pack his bags and chuck him out.

Having read your updates OP I feel a bit concerned for you. Your DH is very controlling. And you should know this is neither healthy nor normal for him to be policing you in this fashion. For sure he can have a conversation about a friend or friend request but this reactions and attitude are OTT

Change the password on your phone and make your friend list totally private he has no business checking it

You fd up, did the right thing in defriending and apologised. Yoyr DH is hurt by it all so no wonder he's not think ng about you. Put the boot on the other foot and think about how you'd feel.

Make sure you appease him.

We'll done in passing your exams and qualifying! Suggest to your DH you go out to celebrate and by way of apology it's on you.

Congratulations on passing your exam however your husband is a complete arse.

He Is isolating you and telling you that he is the only thing stopping you from cheating is absolutely dragging your character. Stop propping this guy up. His self esteem is not a weapon to control you. He is bringing you down with him.

You are married to a total arsehole.

Been here, got far too many T-shirts.
this is exactly the sort of behaviour I became used to, it is designed to make you panic, beg, doubt yourself, and comply.
sorry to say I have had no success with any attempts at reasoning with a man like this, even complying stops working

I left

@DopamineDeficient This is wrong on so many levels. The practitioner’s friend request, your H monitoring your FB friends and berating you, your H checking your phone for your results. Then punished over your H’s insecurities and controlling nature. This all needs to stop. You need to put a stop to this.

Take him off your FB friends list. Add settings to FB friends only. Change your phone password. Tell him any change upsets him so you’re preventing this happening. Take back control! He can be pissed off about this instead.

Congrats on your pass. Commiserations on your H choice.

Your husband is a nasty, controlling man who verbally abuses you. Are you sure you want to stay married to him?

I watch way too much trash TV but are you certain it was the actual HCP who sent the friend request and not a trap set by your husband? The timing seems a little too perfect to mess with your results. Also could explain how he knew so quickly that you'd accepted.

Also calling the practice is very concerning, sounds like he wants this person to lose their job.

Please take care OP he sounds really dangerous.

OP, don't you understand how abusive and controlling your husband is? It's absolutely fine, and normal, for married women to have male friends.
Your husband has no right to phone the doctor's surgery on your behalf.
Your husband has no right to monitor or dictate your social media contacts.
Your husband has no right to set all these ridiculous "rules" for the marriage.
It is not your husband's decision as to who you should be "allowed" to have as friends.

You admit that this relationship is toxic, so what are your next steps?

Your husband is batshit nuts. I can only assume that you are staying with him so that your children don’t have to visit him on their own, as you have a well paid job and have the means to house yourself independently?
I wouldn’t put up with this kind of behaviour from anyone let alone a husband.

Both these men are 'wrong uns

your dh for being controlling

the practitioner for being unprofessional

Im not the type of person who reads posts on here and says easily that two people shouldn't be together. But really is this how you saw your life in your 40s? Relationship wise. He is very controlling and thats just one aspect of how his behaviour is completely unacceptable.
Do you really want this stress? And its not going to stop as you both age. He will get more bitter and controlling not less.

You know you need to leave this marriage, don't you?

Getting your charter is a HUGE achievement, well done!

The HCA has been unprofessional but your husbands behaviour is much much worse
you haven't said if you have children but either way you need to be looking to leave this marriage, your husbands behaviour is not normal

From where I'm sat, it looks like you're using a lot of energy to work out how to protect two different men and it seems like a waste of your life to be responsible for appeasing them.

I know you'll say you can't just leave, but where do you draw the line on being exhausted by, in your words, your toxic marriage?

FB has a way of generating friend requests from people who haven't sent them.

Either way, your DH is appalling for behaving like this.