I was in the wrong, AIBU to be disappointed anyway?

Rules?
Not allowed?
@DopamineDeficient this isn't a partnership. Please look after yourself

OP you need a divorce and you need to ring the medical practise not to complain but to give them the heads up to retrain that guy - it’s unprofessional to make contact with a patient that way and he’s setting himself up for all sorts of allegations if he does it to someone else and they are offended.
the priority is the control you are under by DH, you seem to know it and have submitted to it.
get some counselling

I think it's odd the guy sent you a friend's request & odd that you accepted it.

That pales into comparison with your husband's abusive behaviour though.

Double standards or what, how would this discussion be going if she had found out that her DH had added this young attractive nurse, that had treated him at the surgery, to his friends, because she was so nice and friendly, put him at his ease and had a great bedside manner. Would she be allowed to be annoyed and give him a bit of stick, probably she would be advised to get her ducks in a row because he must be cheating.

You're choices are simple. Either battle through a divorce and come out free to live your life as you see fit or stay his prisoner for the next 20, 30, 40+ years and hope his mental abuse doesn't progress to pysical abuse.

I know which I would take.

Honestly, given your update I would LTB

divorce this controlling loon or seek couples therapy brocades his controlling behaviour. Make sure he knows you mean it, he will change his tune if he sees his meal ticket leaving.

Wow sorry you are with this controlling abusive arsehole. Bet he's cheating on you.

You seem to be very accepting of your husbands controlling behaviour.

His controlling, paranoid, idiotic behaviour is appalling OP, truly appalling. He doesn’t respect or trust you. He fears your success. He may be becoming dangerous. Get out.

Your husband is awful, jealous and controlling. Telling you that you are vile and disgusting for being friends with a colleague on SM is batshit. Not wishing you luck or congratulating you on your achievement is horrible. I bet your self esteem is very low from being in this relationship ☹️

However, I do think it’s very unprofessional for a medical professional to add people on SM and I would’ve put in the complaint. He would’ve had to get your full name from your records then be purposefully looking for you. There is no reason he would need to connect with you outside of work, and he should know this

Your H is abusive, controlling and jealous.

It may be that the HCP is creepy etc, it may be that you came up as ‘people you may know’ simply by being in the same area, and he just clicked on it.Though as a HCP he should be more wary.

Anyway, policing your page in detail, checking YOUR phone for your results, carrying on both aggressively and passive-aggressively , all huge red flags.

Massive achievement in gaining your qualification, OP, really well done.

You have correctly identified your marriage as toxic. Is your out-earning and out-achieving him a source of resentment and insecurity for him?

Do you understand that you are in an abusive relationship?

Yes that is really weird and crosses all sorts of red lines. Perhaps he wasn't a medical professional but even so it borders on stalking, the op doesn't know this person socially at all and he has sought her out. 'Lovely bedside manner' was an unfortunate comment he may have taken that the wrong way and as encouragement to contact her. And if she enthused about him to her DH as much as on here I can understand him getting annoyed about them striking up a friendship.

On so many levels your husband is a walking red flag.

Who the fuck emails their wife to have conversations that should and could be had face to face?

Do you think this is normal? Isn’t the thought of living like this forever MORE tiring than starting divorce proceedings?

Was he always like this?

He seems to have you well trained. For your own safety don't stay.

Separately though, health care workers should not be friending patients.

Bloody hell, your husband sounds unhinged! I know you’ve just bought a lovely house but is that worth the treatment that you receive from your prick of a husband? I’d rather be in a tiny one bedroom flat on my own personally.

Absolutely ltb. I have no idea if and when my husband adds people on facebook. He has lots of women and I have lots of men. We both hang out with people of both genders regularly both together and apart and it's no problem. We both hang out one on one with members of the opposite sex from time to time and the world doesn't end.

I'll be honest, I do think its unprofessional for someone who medically cared for you to add you on a social media platform. We have met many nurses who are so lovely and I would love to keep up with them but it's absolutely not appropriate to cross boundaries like that.

However, calling you vile and bullying you over this is horrendous behaviour that I would not be tolerating. You are an adult woman who can manage friendships and relationships herself. If he doesn't trust you then he should leave. His inability to trust, when you have done nothing to break his trust, is his issue not yours and you should not be controlled by it.

Had it gone on for a few hours then yes you were unreasonable I suppose possibly to accept his friend request but a week on and ignoring your amazing achievement he’s so out of order

You do know the rules - they are whatever he says they are! Enjoy the beautiful (caged) house!

Are you in the UK or in a multi cultural relationship? I ask as you mention not knowing the rules. Equally, unless you know this HCP from somewhere else I find it odd that you would get a friends request on social media from them.

It all generally sounds very odd, why is your husband poking around your phone and friends lists in the first place. Whichever way you look at it it's an unhealthy relationship.

I’m so disturbed by all the normalising responses that simply say that the husband is ‘an arse’. An arse? He’s tracking her social media and checking her phone, he’s practicing surveillance on her.