I was in the wrong, AIBU to be disappointed anyway?

Congratulations on your exam pass!

Your husband is controlling, this behaviour of "rules" that you don't know about and never agreed to (I say that only as some couples might agree "rules" for their relationship, but the key point here is agree, not have 1 person set them) and the punishing of you for transgressions is coercive control.

However, as an HCP I would be very concerned about any HCP, regardless of age or sex, sending a friend request to a patient. This is absolutely drummed into us during training, and you should report it to your GP practice with the evidence. Yes, the HCA will get into trouble, but he should do - this is basic healthcare principles, and all healthcare staff will know this and had training about this. Cynically I would wonder why a man in his 20s is sending a friend request to a woman in her 40s, but regardless, even if he has innocent motives, it's grossly unprofessional. You might be saving him from a worse situation where he meets up with a patient that he has friended and then gets accused of something such as unwanted sexual contact.

There are so many red flags here from both the HCP and your DH.

1. The HCP should never have sent you a friend request. That is utterly bizarre and alarming.
2. Your DH should not be checking your socials and telling you what you can and can’t do
3. your DH shouldn’t be communicating with you by email if you live in the same house
4. You should be able to change your password whenever the hell you like

This reads like you have a history of abusive men in your life and don’t know what normal is anymore. I’d be concerned your DH is reading everything on your phone including this (if he is it’s very wrong and he needs to fuck off)

please speak to someone in real life.

What positives does this relationship bring to you?
Be honest.

Hello husband.

If your dh monitors your phone to this extent, he’s probably got access to your mumsnet account too. Either directly or indirectly. He only has to read your emails that come from reactions to comments and click those links to access threads.

Be wary.

People need to let the Facebook request thing go. I get requests from our firm's clients all the time. Some are FB friends with colleagues. Some wouldn't know how to send a request, some don't even know who I am. It's fb's creepy algorithms. I've also no idea who is on DH's FB list. He's in a hobby group and has new people adding him all the time. I'd never be arsed to check. I do have access to his passwords.

OP, the issue here is control. Everything thing you have said, that is designed for you to say you were in the wrong, to diminish your achievements, to tell you who you can talk to, is abuse. I'm shocked anyone thinks his behaviour can be justified.

Please start making plans. Men who use coercive control can turn violent.

The amount of time you say ‘I am allowed’ in your posts is truly very disturbing OP. I hope you realise this is not normal or healthy

How on earth can you live your life like this? It sounds like something from the Middle Ages - you do know that he doesn’t own you?

Hi OP's husband. Stop using her phone.

So tell him tough. If he wants to think that you're having orgies all the time, he can. It won't make it true, but you won't put up with his ludicrous insecurity and jealousy any more.

A male health practitioner friend requesting a female patient after one appointment? That is highly highly unprofessional. Surely you must have realised that?

I would have said to my DH ‘God that’s weird, you know I went for that over 40s check up? The bloody nurse has friend requested me? Isn’t that unethical? Delete!!!’

But hey-ho, that’s done and your DH has blown it out of proportion and he sounds extremely controlling. He counts your FB friends? There are rules you need to abide by?

he is fully convinced that the only reason I am faithful is because he monitors my interactions and prevents it.

You are in a coercive and controlling relationship with a very dangerous and manipulative man. Please seek help from Women's Aid, Refuge or your GP. I'm being very serious here. He is not a good man.

The healthcare assistant shouldn’t be sending out Facebook friend requests to people he met in a medical
setting, however your Husband sounds like an absolute idiot…
He must check your friends list to know that you had added someone new, has made you cut contact with a male friend he didn’t approve of, phone the DR on your behalf without permission and sulks…
Sorry but I wouldn’t be hanging around, you have no joint children, a good job etc sounds like he doesn’t bring much to take table if you’re even too scared to change a password as ‘it wouldn’t be tolerated’
It sounds awful!

How is accepting a friend request from a man “allowing another man into your marriage”? Your husband has wildly overreacted to this, unless there’s more to your interaction with this guy?

Ridiculous manbaby.

Your updates about not being g able to change your password and even worse him contacting the GP on your behalf make it even worse.

i know the idea of a divorce is probably exhausting, but you need to get out, the more control he is allowed the more he will want. He is abusive.

What the OP is describing is in no way ‘a bit of stick’. It’s a seriously controlling and abusive marriage

Please don’t confuse the picture.

"That wouldn't be accepted".
Why on Earth are you bowing down to this man? He is your husband, not your manager at work or something. You are his equal, you are not beneath him. Can you see that the way you speak about your husband is unusual?

This is a shitter but do you want this life? Is this what you want until you or he dies!?

Please leave this man, you will end up being the latest victim on the news of a man’s jealous rage! Can you really be bothered with a life of worrying about if you’re adhering to his “rules”? I think that’s exhausting! You are doing well for yourself, you could have a nice home on your own

Why are you putting yourself through being with such an awful man? You deserve so much better

Please, please find the strength from somewhere to leave this man, this is NOT a man to grow old with.

oh, lovely, this is no way for you to live

any man who calls you vile and disgusting, why would you stay in the same room as him never mind stay married to him.

you so deserve to have people around you who love you, who value you and celebrate your successes with you.

the man you describe is not that. He is not a fit partner for you.

you earn more, you have the means to escape. The faster you get out the better your life will be. The way you seem to accept his power over you is very worrying

How would you react if a friend, a daughter of a sibling revealed that they were being treated so badly.

Do you have support in real life? Please reach out to someone. If your friends and family don’t understand, try women’s aid.

all the very best

p.s. posters asking why are you not allowed to do <anything> are completely missing the point. It’s up to you. You are an adult.

You need to find your anger. I was with an angry controlling man for a long time and I know how it grinds you down and accept completely abusive weird unacceptable behaviour.
The HCP is also a weirdo freak, who frankly should also be losing his job.
Please get your self FREE. Going through a divorce will be a piece of cake after living with this awful man

It would be painful but that wouldn't last for ever and you can have a future where you are free.

Is this lady someone he knew? That's quite different from your situation.
I can't fathom why you accepted a friend request from a medical professional you had met once. Yes, he was wrong to have sent the request but it's just plain odd that you would want a stranger to see your profile, or for you to see his. Weird. I think there is more to this than you're letting on!