I was in the wrong, AIBU to be disappointed anyway?

All these comments about the HCA and what he should or shouldn’t have done are irrelevant and smoke-screening.

The issue is the control exerted on OP by her husband. None of the actions of another person matter here. OP should feel free to engage with other people, in person or on social media, if she wants to. Being under such constant surveillance is not normal or reasonable.

OP. Your husband is abusive and controlling. You don’t have to endure it. You are allowed to make your own decisions about yourself and your life without any consequences or punishment.

I hope you find a way to make your own choices about what you want to do.

I get friend requests all the time. Whenever I ask see the person face to face and ask them about it they have no idea that I have contacted in this way. Op shouldn’t have accepted. I don’t think the chap did anything wrong necessarily

You let your husband access your Facebook pages? No way would it be acceptable for mine to do that, let alone make a fuss about what he read there.

The HCA shouldn't be sending patients friend requests. I would've reported him, not accepted. He's not a friend anyway!

Your husband is the one who is being unreasonable. My husband has no idea who I am friends with on social media and wouldn't dream of checking my phone for messages.
Your husband is a jealous bully. Honestly I would be questioning the relationship

Nail on the head! 🙄
He's clearly totally envious and majorly annoyed by OP's achievement in that it further highlights his lack of and is using this petty, narrow minded control and general meanness to deflect the attention from her success to make her feel even more 'less than' that he obviously continuously tries to make her feel...Grrrrrrr!!! 😡
She did mention that she had tried to leave/divorce him previously but he had scuppered her attempts by devious means so I do feel worried that if she pushes for separation now he could easily turn even nastier and by the sound of it OP has some cognitive issues that undermine her confidence to stick up for herself...so many awful men are taking terrible advantage of vulnerable women and we read about it time after time on these posts...😢

Agree with everyone, the HW approach via FB is unprofessional but that’s a whole other issue. He’s inadvertently done the OP a favour as his behaviour has exposed the coercive control nature of the DH. Without him OP might never have posted on MN. OP, pursue the HW thing if necessary. (Ensure it is a real FB request and not an automated FB thing. There are lots of changes happening in Meta just now. The HW may be totally innocent if FB is tracking you and serving “contacts” as friend requests.) The big issue is the DH. That’s the priority. She should not get sidetracked from dealing with this issue which is urgent.

I work as an HCA, I would never give my number to a patient or request them on Facebook, it’s very unprofessional!

For an actual qualified nurse or doctor they can get struck off and / or lose their job.

Whatever the ethical rights and wrongs are of adding an HCP your DH is abusive and you really need to get out.
He has to ‘approve’ your friend requests and tells people because you have ADHD you can’t make rational decisions.

Oh girl. Could one of your children help you?

*accept

Unless you’ve missed out a massive chunk of the story and you didn’t just accepts this guys friend request but also accepted some sort of fellatio request, your husband is completely mad.

Omg abusive relationship much!
this guy is clearly abusive. I friend people on Facebook I have met briefly (men and women) and have never once thought of checking with my husband. He’d never dream of even mentioning it, or caring about it.
your husbands an arsehole and tbh I wouldn’t have lasted 5 minutes in a relationship with him.
listen to yourself, you’re saying you were in the wrong for adding someone to Facebook. Your husband has manipulated you and made you feel guilty over something that is NOT a big deal.
why are you with him?

Surely the biggest point gerw is that a medical professional tried to be a friend on FB. That's seriously unprofessional.

@DopamineDeficient

Now, I have worked with a patient who had PMDD, she clearly also had undiagnosed ND, ASC at least, possibly ADHD too. She would leave her husband every month.

What worked for her was self care and compassion, permission to recharge, less pressure on herself. However crucially her husband didn’t seem like a controlling dick!!

@DopamineDeficient

It is time for a change.

Get prepared. Get informed. Get mental clarity.

There We Are Then.

Good luck!!

Fragile masculinity at it's finest!

This OTT behaviour isn't 'silly' it's narcissistic, misogynistic, selfish and downright immature! 😡
WRAF is the matter with so many men and why are their priorities and sensibilities so screwed?! 🙄

Does accepting a friend request mean you want to shag that person? It’s the equivalent of cheating now is it?

Honestly, OP. You are a grown ass women with a great qualification and double the salary of the Dreadful Husband. You have no children together. Your adult children will know he is a complete waste of space. He only has the power you give him. Put a set of headphones in, ignore him, and get out of the marriage he has coerced you into. You need help and support IRL to get out but you can start by simply ignoring him and doing your own thing. Take it in tiny bite size steps if it feels overwhelming. Day 1, contact Women’s Aid. Day 2. Speak to a solicitor. Day three tell your family you are leaving him. Day 4 change the password on your phone and hide your phone. Day 5 Go away for a mini-break without him. Day six put the house on the market. Day 7 garner as much real life support as you can. Day 8 take your MIL to coffee and tell her what is going on. Etc etc. You can do this. And you must. You didn’t want to marry him and now you are completely controlled by him and you are playing mad tit-for-tat games over Facebook friends. How has your life been reduced to this. It’s mad. He’s not the Taliban.

I haven’t had chance to read all of the posts so, apologies if this has already been said. But, do you think that he may have engineered this argument so that he could ignore/downplay your achievement (and make it all your fault that he’s done so). I only ask because I can imagine my OH doing similar.

Mine too.
As his children grew and left home, there was genuine outrage and hurt that he was uninvited to any celebration.
All big wins were celebrated away from home and at Christmas their children who lived away didn't return, due to the associations of Christmases past which he had ruined.

My mother whom had enabled also was not included.

A complete narcissist.

OP, my father was like this. Every birthday that wasn't his, he would ruin - just like your achievement is being ruined by your husband. With my father, it was like he couldn't digest anybody else deserving positive attention and so would find some niggle to explode into chaos. You need to explicitly draw attention to this (your achievement being minimised against the backdrop of you daring to have a male Facebook friend - which is completely normal, btw) to your DH, and then call him out the next time he does it, and the next - if you haven't left him by then. My father never changed. Don't waste your life on not being allowed to celebrate yourself.

So? That's his problem not yours and you need to tell him so. If he doesn't trust you he's free to leave.

Or you could save him the hassle and kick his disgusting arse out.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong whereas the two men in this scenario definitely have.