Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my parents overstepped on our holiday arrangements?

260 replies

PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 03:26

AIBU to find this inapropriate?

Going to try not to write an essay, but I'm there will be people thinking I'm dripfeeding! Any questions ask...I'll try and put salient points.

This summer myself and my teenage DC were planning on a holiday in the UK. We had a place in mind but then my DP asked us to go somewhere with them. We agreed to do this trip with them instead. I found a small cottage for myself and my DC and they had seperate accomodation. We wanted to make them happy but also know we would never want to share accomodation due to their constant arguments - something I grew up with and still puts me on edge now. We also find them fine in small doses so I spoke to them and said we would spend a few days with them and a few days on our own, additionally the teens may want to do their own thing at times. They tried to overide this but I reiterated it and would have stuck to it. Additionally the teens and I are autistic and need some peace and quiet/time to ourselves. They are always on the go with a packed schedule.

Anyway, sadly something happened the day before we were due to go causing trauma to us all. The teens said they didn't want to go and neither did I, but the teens were concerned about ruining their GPs holiday and suggested I go anyway and I thought maybe the change of scene and time to myself might help. I didn't have much time to think but decided to go ahead once I knew teens would be looked after. I was very sad to go without them.

I decided to take the train and as I would be arriving late my dad offered to pick me up from the station. I said no need but he insisted so I thanked him and agreed. Later it was suggested they stay the night at the cottage as it would be late by the time they'd dropped me off. I agreed.

The journey was long and tiring and I had to hold in tears a lot. But I arrived at the station and was just looking for the exit when there was my dad videoing me, all jolly as if everything was fine. Bit my tongue, greeted him, tried to smile and got in the car. As we approached the cottage he told me it was good the teens hadn't come as it was too rural. We all knew exactly what it eas like - on the edge of a village with lots of walks/shops/cafes etc. Lots of nice walks. Lots of peace and quiet. I bit my tongue again as I was feeling their absence greatly. As we approach my dad tells me that they've decided to stay at the cottage with me as it is so rural. I try to make a joke of it while making clear I was not happy with that. Get told it would be best for them to stay with me. I'm still protesting as we arrive, explain with the recent truama I need some space. Arrive at the cottage where they have got their things all over. I'm just tired and go upstairs to find they have taken the master bedroom unpacked all their things and I'm expected to go in the room my teens were meant to be in, which made me so sad seeing the beds they should have been in.

At this point I snap and say I'll sleep in the lounge and will go home the next day. I explain how much they have upset me and that it is not ok to just decide things like this without speaking to me first. Apparently, they thought I'd be lonely, it's too rural and I'm 'killing them' by not just going along with their change of plans.

OP posts:
Goldengirl123 · 14/07/2026 10:17

I think that your parents were just being kind and didn’t want you to be alone. You could have just explained to them nicely that you would rather have been on your own. It’s not always what you say, it’s the way you say it that matters

StandingDeskDisco · 14/07/2026 10:11

Your question is were your parents inappropriate.
Of course they were; I think you know that.

You say you have problems with boundaries. But your parents are not going to change, so the only answer is that you work on strengthening your boundaries.
You can't change other people, you can only change yourself.

Auroraloves · 14/07/2026 10:10

PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 09:44

The arrangements to get the key was that it was left under a mat so they were able to get it.

They are so cheeky. Hope you manage to enjoy/salvage some of your holiday. What is happening with their cottage?

ofcolitas · 14/07/2026 10:09

PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 09:44

The arrangements to get the key was that it was left under a mat so they were able to get it.

I think what people mean is, who told your parents that the key was under the mat?

Blistory · 14/07/2026 10:07

Has it occurred to you if you and your children are autistic then it's likely that one of your parents is as well and that might affect how they perceive matters ? Maybe they need to have things clearly set out for them

PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 10:04

Zanatdy · 14/07/2026 05:09

Did you send them the check in details? I’m guessing so given they’d already unpacked. What happened to their cottage? They should have asked, but I guess it makes sense if there is a refund available to use one cottage not two. I guess they don’t realise how much they get on your nerves, and maybe thought it would be nice. Why sleep on the sofa instead of a bed? Seems like a childish protest, just tell them you don’t want to share a cottage and tell them why. Then decide if you’re staying on your holiday or not.

They didn't have a cottage they had other accomodation that was free of charge so no financial gain not to stay

OP posts:
ThatJadeLion · 14/07/2026 10:03

AHH life is too bloody short. Mountains made out of molehills. Sorry but I found it hard work to read. I say this as an introverted person.

PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 09:59

ThatCosy · 14/07/2026 04:48

I honestly only really see the parents perspective here and I always hate how peopleon MN blame the original poster for everything.

It seems like your parents are constantly trying to reach out to you and try to cheer you up and you don't want it. Trying to make connection is normal, loving parental behaviour. I don't know why there's the miscommunication but I imagine your parents love you very much and feel constantly rejected.

Thank you for your thoughts.

I'm not denying they love me. But trampling all over my boundaries, not caring when difficulties happen for me and in fact using them to their advantage and making decisions without speaking to me does not feel loving.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 14/07/2026 09:58

Have they given up their cottage? If not would you consider staying there. Or else ask them to leave this morning (after they change the bed in Master). It would be a shame to have made such a long journey for nothing.

Sounds like you do need to sit them down and discuss boundaries although it might not be the best time to do it today.

Zonder · 14/07/2026 09:53

SummerInSun · 14/07/2026 09:51

What strikes me is how the OP is so upset that her children with her, yet doesn’t understand that her own parents feel the same way about her and want to be with her. That doesn’t mean she has to share accommodation with them if she doesn’t want to, but to storm off in a huff from the whole holiday rather than calmly tell them to go to their own accommodation is overkill.

But OP hasn't put any pressure on her DC, has she? She's just sad not to be with them but hasn't manipulated them.

SummerInSun · 14/07/2026 09:51

What strikes me is how the OP is so upset that her children with her, yet doesn’t understand that her own parents feel the same way about her and want to be with her. That doesn’t mean she has to share accommodation with them if she doesn’t want to, but to storm off in a huff from the whole holiday rather than calmly tell them to go to their own accommodation is overkill.

Zonder · 14/07/2026 09:50

I'm amazed at the people defending the parents. To me it doesn't seem like they have taken any notice of what their daughter actually might want.

mumuseli · 14/07/2026 09:49

It was cheeky, but I guess they took the bigger bedroom because there’s two of them.
OP, much as they might be overbearing and annoying, it sounds like they think they are doing the right thing being there for you and trying to look after you.
Try to project ahead for a few days – if you go home now with things sour, then both you and them are going to be miserable.
Could you put on a smile and compromise by staying for another day or two (or even just for lunch today) before travelling home? That way you’re leaving on a more positive note.
It does sound like things have been quite dramatic and intense. Maybe you have reverted a bit to teenage mode yourself with them – that’s quite a common thing for adults to do when with their parents!
Going forward, you can make an effort to put in more boundaries.

Zonder · 14/07/2026 09:44

PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 09:44

The arrangements to get the key was that it was left under a mat so they were able to get it.

Where were they supposed to be staying?

PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 09:44

Auroraloves · 14/07/2026 04:07

How did they get access to the cottahe you had booked before you?

The arrangements to get the key was that it was left under a mat so they were able to get it.

OP posts:
PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 09:42

Holdonforsummer · 14/07/2026 03:56

i’m sorry you’re having a rough time but I think you set yourself up for disappointment here. You agreed to a holiday it doesn’t really sound like you wanted to do with parents you find difficult. Then you went in the holiday despite an event that had left you feeling on edge and tearful, and without your teenagers who would have acted as a buffer. It had disaster written all over it from the start. I think you need stronger boundaries to say no from the start. Good luck.

Thank you for your thoughts. Yes, boundaries are a huge problem for me.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 14/07/2026 09:39

Lesson learned, never agree to a holiday with them again and don't share details eg where, when etc.

Loopylalalou · 14/07/2026 09:37

Zonder · 14/07/2026 05:08

Connection is one thing. Control and taking over is another.

These parents have overruled all the decisions OP as an adult made for herself. If I were the OP I would be leaving the next day too.

Sometimes parents do things that jar with their now adult children purely out of love. But as the OP explained, her adult self wants something different.
I don’t see the need for a traumatic fallout. The OP is free to leave and return to her teens, leaving the parents to worry about her alone. I’m sure that’s at the basis of this situation.

ChaToilLeam · 14/07/2026 09:23

It sounds to me like your parents are all over you, and you need space and privacy to decompress. I get it. My DM is like that. If I'm upset, I need to withdraw and she pursues me - not with bad intentions, but we deal very differently with situations and she can't quite understand that.

Moving into the master bedroom was a CF move on their part. At that point I would have told them to go stay in their own accommodation, or I would pack up and go there. Though it sounds like the whole trip was a bad idea, really.

Say no next time and protect your peace.

dairydebris · 14/07/2026 09:12

Stop constantly putting their wishes before your own.

Then you won't get upset when they get their way and you don't.

SummerPeonies2026 · 14/07/2026 09:08

You are spending way too much time with your parents, and allowing them to walk all over you. No is no.

Go home, and be with your children it doesn’t sound like you want to be there op.

LakieLady · 14/07/2026 09:04

This sounds awful, OP and I'm not surprised it has upset you. Your parents are overbearing, insensitive and controlling.

If I was in your shoes, I'd massively reduce contact with them, but I'm also awared that that may not be easy.

TheGoddessFrigg · 14/07/2026 09:03

why not go and stay in the cottage your parents booked? It must be empty and paid for

GotALionInMyPocket · 14/07/2026 08:57

Sorry for whatever happened. You all sound quite intense.

Gardenisablooming · 14/07/2026 08:53

Going forward they need the diet of least information..

Swipe left for the next trending thread