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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my parents overstepped on our holiday arrangements?

260 replies

PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 03:26

AIBU to find this inapropriate?

Going to try not to write an essay, but I'm there will be people thinking I'm dripfeeding! Any questions ask...I'll try and put salient points.

This summer myself and my teenage DC were planning on a holiday in the UK. We had a place in mind but then my DP asked us to go somewhere with them. We agreed to do this trip with them instead. I found a small cottage for myself and my DC and they had seperate accomodation. We wanted to make them happy but also know we would never want to share accomodation due to their constant arguments - something I grew up with and still puts me on edge now. We also find them fine in small doses so I spoke to them and said we would spend a few days with them and a few days on our own, additionally the teens may want to do their own thing at times. They tried to overide this but I reiterated it and would have stuck to it. Additionally the teens and I are autistic and need some peace and quiet/time to ourselves. They are always on the go with a packed schedule.

Anyway, sadly something happened the day before we were due to go causing trauma to us all. The teens said they didn't want to go and neither did I, but the teens were concerned about ruining their GPs holiday and suggested I go anyway and I thought maybe the change of scene and time to myself might help. I didn't have much time to think but decided to go ahead once I knew teens would be looked after. I was very sad to go without them.

I decided to take the train and as I would be arriving late my dad offered to pick me up from the station. I said no need but he insisted so I thanked him and agreed. Later it was suggested they stay the night at the cottage as it would be late by the time they'd dropped me off. I agreed.

The journey was long and tiring and I had to hold in tears a lot. But I arrived at the station and was just looking for the exit when there was my dad videoing me, all jolly as if everything was fine. Bit my tongue, greeted him, tried to smile and got in the car. As we approached the cottage he told me it was good the teens hadn't come as it was too rural. We all knew exactly what it eas like - on the edge of a village with lots of walks/shops/cafes etc. Lots of nice walks. Lots of peace and quiet. I bit my tongue again as I was feeling their absence greatly. As we approach my dad tells me that they've decided to stay at the cottage with me as it is so rural. I try to make a joke of it while making clear I was not happy with that. Get told it would be best for them to stay with me. I'm still protesting as we arrive, explain with the recent truama I need some space. Arrive at the cottage where they have got their things all over. I'm just tired and go upstairs to find they have taken the master bedroom unpacked all their things and I'm expected to go in the room my teens were meant to be in, which made me so sad seeing the beds they should have been in.

At this point I snap and say I'll sleep in the lounge and will go home the next day. I explain how much they have upset me and that it is not ok to just decide things like this without speaking to me first. Apparently, they thought I'd be lonely, it's too rural and I'm 'killing them' by not just going along with their change of plans.

OP posts:
marriednotdead · 14/07/2026 05:30

My adult DS is autistic and therefore can imagine the anxiety and stress that whole scenario would have caused. The changes were multiple, not agreed and made without any warning.
Whilst I’m trying to be kind to your parents who may have had good intentions,I don’t think they understand you and your feelings well enough for this to ever have gone well.

Meadowfinch · 14/07/2026 05:28

ThatCosy · 14/07/2026 04:48

I honestly only really see the parents perspective here and I always hate how peopleon MN blame the original poster for everything.

It seems like your parents are constantly trying to reach out to you and try to cheer you up and you don't want it. Trying to make connection is normal, loving parental behaviour. I don't know why there's the miscommunication but I imagine your parents love you very much and feel constantly rejected.

After raising a child for 20 years, the parents should know that jollying OP along and forcing her attention is intrusive and unwelcome. How could they not?

I don't understand how they gained access to the cottage, but the fact they assumed they could take the master bedroom in a cottage they didn't book or pay for, shows how presumptuous and selfish they are. And videoing someone when they know they are dealing with trauma is crass, insensitive and controlling. It's demanding OP put on a happy face when it is the last thing she wants to do. I'd have turned around and gone home too.

Sorry you are having a rough time OP.

StormGazing · 14/07/2026 05:17

This is madness! Tell them to get out or pay you for the cottage

Zanatdy · 14/07/2026 05:09

Did you send them the check in details? I’m guessing so given they’d already unpacked. What happened to their cottage? They should have asked, but I guess it makes sense if there is a refund available to use one cottage not two. I guess they don’t realise how much they get on your nerves, and maybe thought it would be nice. Why sleep on the sofa instead of a bed? Seems like a childish protest, just tell them you don’t want to share a cottage and tell them why. Then decide if you’re staying on your holiday or not.

Zonder · 14/07/2026 05:08

ThatCosy · 14/07/2026 04:48

I honestly only really see the parents perspective here and I always hate how peopleon MN blame the original poster for everything.

It seems like your parents are constantly trying to reach out to you and try to cheer you up and you don't want it. Trying to make connection is normal, loving parental behaviour. I don't know why there's the miscommunication but I imagine your parents love you very much and feel constantly rejected.

Connection is one thing. Control and taking over is another.

These parents have overruled all the decisions OP as an adult made for herself. If I were the OP I would be leaving the next day too.

ThatCosy · 14/07/2026 04:48

I honestly only really see the parents perspective here and I always hate how peopleon MN blame the original poster for everything.

It seems like your parents are constantly trying to reach out to you and try to cheer you up and you don't want it. Trying to make connection is normal, loving parental behaviour. I don't know why there's the miscommunication but I imagine your parents love you very much and feel constantly rejected.

RoseField1 · 14/07/2026 04:43

You shouldn't have agreed to go away with them, and you should have cancelled when the traumatic thing happened. You need better boundaries with your parents given how they behave. I'm sorry you're experiencing a sad time and your holiday is ruined :(

NuffSaidSam · 14/07/2026 04:37

This is absolutely insane, but I'm also wondering how they got access to the cottage you booked?! Did they break in?

Auroraloves · 14/07/2026 04:07

How did they get access to the cottahe you had booked before you?

Holdonforsummer · 14/07/2026 03:56

i’m sorry you’re having a rough time but I think you set yourself up for disappointment here. You agreed to a holiday it doesn’t really sound like you wanted to do with parents you find difficult. Then you went in the holiday despite an event that had left you feeling on edge and tearful, and without your teenagers who would have acted as a buffer. It had disaster written all over it from the start. I think you need stronger boundaries to say no from the start. Good luck.