AIBU to think my parents overstepped on our holiday arrangements?

Ok, so some points.
Why did you not say no to your parents from the start? ‘Sorry mum and dad, we’re having a quiet break this year just ourselves’
Why did you not cancel the holiday in light of the traumatic event that stopped your Dc from going?
Who looked after your traumatised DC?
How come you only decided to take the train the day before the trip? Surely you’d planned the travel well in advance?
Where were your parents supposed to be staying?

Who's not reading the OPP? Someone has died or similar. Parents constantly argue, OP is autistic and needs space, which also means sudden changes are hard to process. Parents are battering her boundaries and she's not feeling strong enough to stop them.

Being upset is understandable, others may think you're OTT but your feelings are your feelings. Going home is valid, being angry they've overstepped is understandable, I'd be fuming.

It’s all mad.

You went looking for a fight. You agreed to go knowing that it wasn’t what you wanted to do and that it would not suit your kids. You almost fired because the journey was long. How did they get the key?

Come on! OP's parents have massively overstepped. They moved into her cottage without even discussing it with her. There is obviously a reason why she didn't want to share accommodation with them and they took advantage of the changed situation to impose themselves where they are not welcome.

I think it all depends on the trauma.
They definitely overstepped taking over the cottage.
But I dont understand why you didnt sleep in the bedroom. It isn't your kids actual bedroom. They hadn't even been inside the cottage.

It sounds like a lot of drama over small things that really as adults could have been discussed and sorted.
You obviously from the get go didnt want to go with them at all. Which definitely makes you see and feel everything in a negative light. And thats justified with the fact you find them arguing hard to deal with .
In future just plan simple things like a meal or walk. Avoid holidays with them.

This trauma, whatever it was, happened to all of you, affected you all badly enough to not want to go on the holiday and yet you decided to go away and leave your kids to cope on their own? That's the bit I don't understand. You don't seem to be able to put yourself in anyone else's shoes, OP. I feel sorry for your parents. Although I don't think they should have taken over as they have done, it's clear that they think they have done the best thing for you. Do you generally make people dance around your autism so that they feel they have to look after you, even now? And stomping off to sleep in the living room is childish behaviour. Quite ridiculous.

I'm another one intrigued to know how they gained entry to the cottage.

A previous poster asked what the trauma was. I've seen this before on threads where people feel they are entitled to know more than OPs are willing to share. If enough information isn't provided for them to comment, don't comment. But I'm not sure that is the real reason. I think on threads like yours they want to know what the trauma is so they can judge if it is trauma or traumatic enough to warrant the OPs reaction. The event doesn't matter, it is how a poster feels about an event that does, even if it is different to how some random person on MN might feel in the same situation.

OP, I hope you are feeling a little more relaxed about what you need to do, whether that be go home or stay and try to resolve the accommodation issues your parents have caused. If the latter, I hope you have an enjoyable holiday.

my DP asked us to go somewhere with them. We agreed to do this trip with them instead.

So what's the issue? You said yes. Say no next time, then.

Honestly i think going was a mistake full stop.

Having decided to go letting them pick you up and agreeing they sleep over was also a mistake - you should have got a local taxi or driven.

I terms of the rest I am 50/50.
Even from your OP you sound hypersensitive,/ shaken / upset / unbalanced from whatever happened before.

All the things pre cottage arrival - you're being very sensitive/ nit picky.
Taking the main bedroom yanbu. It is NOT cool. Its kinda wild tbh....but people who do this kind of thing generally dont do it out of the blue...so again more fool you gor not getting a taxi.

Its not clear not they are there... do they not have their own unused holiday let - can you not stay there?

Why are the rentals so far apart?

You sound like you want to ve with your kids maybe just go home....

You’ve obv shared too much detail with them OP. Even to the point of a key safe code or similar.

With parents like this less is more.

what was the trauma? If you don’t mind sharing? I’m thinking a pet bereavement? Shame your teens decided not to go.

I think you need to explain what this “trauma” was as it’s hard to work out whether you’re overreacting or whether your parents are being insensitive.

Nope!
who the actual duc kids their child out of their accommodation bedroom that they know they need and invite themselves to a holiday they’ve been told they are not invited to? 100% they planned jt and cancelled their own accommodation

I hope you can find it in yourself today to be blunt and to the point with them Op.
They've not only moved into the accommodation you paid for without asking, they've stolen your room. They've ignored your wishes in wanting to stay there alone. Don't go home, ask them to leave.
If they insist don't get into protracted wrangling. Pack up to go, point out that they owe you the cost of your holiday cottage as they've effectively taken it from you.
Having said that... in your shoes I'd be so mad that I'd be packing their bags for them as soon as I got up.

You only see the parents side? Are you not capable of putting yourself in the position a child who's parents override and bully them at every turn?

Op like pp have said, it's ok to say no. No to your parents, no to your teens.
I'm not blaming you as it's clear your parents are dismissive of you, disrespectful and bullies. It's hard when you've been conditioned all your life to put everyone else first.
Start saying no and enforcing it.

"No this is my cottage that I paid for, you either leave and go to your accommodation or I'm leaving". Then follow through.

Don't make empty threats, you need to be able to enforce it or they wont take your seriously.

I'd be telling them to get out of my room (master is clearly for you as you made the booking). Did they actually book any accommodation themselves or were they always planning on imposing?
Cheeky F*s
Clear them out

Your teenagers set you up. They didn't want to go and got you to take the hit of holidaying with your parents.
You are allowed to say no. To all of them, parents, teens, etc.

It sounds like they have overstepped the mark here and you need to be very clear and say to them look I want to stay on my own I need some privacy at the moment . Either that or just go home because it doesn’t sound like you are in a good place at all for enjoying a holiday

Your sleeping on the sofa was unnecessarily dramatic. The rest of it is all on them. They’ve steam rollered over your wishes and feelings. I think I would just get the train home early.

Your parents are problematic, OP, but you know the answer. In future, just book the holidays you and your kids want, and don't even tell your parents when and where you're going. You know what they're like, so I'm not sure why you're still pandering to them. You are a mature adult, so just keep your parents at a distance and get on with your life.

Why don't you go and stay in the cottage you booked for your parents ?

This ……they must have had details of your booking, where to get keys/key code, and the address of the cottage!
Can’t help thinking that you have set yourself up by sharing too much information from the start.

I'd be upset too OP and would be heading home.

If you do want to stay, could you use their accommodation rather than yours?

You're not unreasonable OP. Your DP may have thought they were doing something nice, providing company for you when you were all alone and having had something upsetting happen just before. However, they lack communication and should have discussed the change with you before making an assumption and just moving in to the cottage. The only unreasonable bit was sleeping in the lounge when there was another bedroom available. Is this happening in real time? Are you going to go home today, or are they prepared to go back to their own accommodation?

Did your parents book both cottages? I can see why they thought it would make sense.
They sound like they’re trying to be understanding and do the right thing but just get it wrong and mismatched for op.

There is an awful lot of info there but unclear how much of it is relevant/necessary. What was the trauma? how did your parents get access to the cottage?

Them unpacking and taking over? Not okay. Seeing the room your daughter was meant to be in and getting upset? Maybe a bit dramatic as that room was never going to disappear.