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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go out on my husband's birthday

109 replies

Thatsnotmynamee · 13/07/2026 20:26

I made arrangements with a friend to go to the cinema - there was a bit of back and forth about a date, but we settled on one. I double checked with my husband just now and his face just fell. He said 'don't you remember what that day is'. I felt irritated honestly, like just tell me what it is, why are we guessing...then the penny dropped, it's his birthday. I was planning on going out at 8pm. And a bit of me is like, well...why can't I? We have small children so wouldn't be going out ourselves. We're having his mum round for dinner, it would all be wrapped up before 8. So AIBU to feel like he's being a bit out?? We have fundamentally different ideas on birthdays I think 😬 Would you be pissed off in his shoes? (I have already bought some presents btw, it's not as though I had literally no idea. Am a muppet)

OP posts:
FettleOfKish · 13/07/2026 21:02

I recently had to leave for a work trip that had already been a nightmare to arrange in the evening of DH’s birthday, he was fine with it. He travels for work too without much say in the dates. Social plans are somewhat different though.

nomas · 13/07/2026 21:02

We have small children so wouldn't be going out ourselves. We're having his mum round for dinner, it would all be wrapped up before 8.

I'm guessing he doesn't organise much for your birthday or you don't do much on the day?

If yes, then I think it's fine.

If he organises a lot for your birthday then that's different.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/07/2026 20:59

Yep it’d be shitty

Createausername1970 · 13/07/2026 20:57

We don't really "do" birthdays, but I wouldn't arrange to go out on his birthday and I would be disappointed if he went out on mine.

If his face fell, I think you have your answer.

JumpingRabbit · 13/07/2026 20:57

This can’t be serious 🧐

Skippythemeh · 13/07/2026 20:54

You really just don’t seem to give a shit about your husband.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 13/07/2026 20:52

Is his birthday not in the calendar? If there are no plans for his birthday and you're celebrating on the weekend instead then I don't see a problem, however forgetting the date of his birthday is awful

AnonymityAnonymity · 13/07/2026 20:46

Harrietsaunt · 13/07/2026 20:29

I call reverse.

I agree with this.

OffredxJune · 13/07/2026 20:46

Reverse?

Whaleandsnail6 · 13/07/2026 20:45

Yabu

Its his birthday, he is clearly disappointed that you plan to go out and leave him in with the kids. Why can't you have a nice night in together after his mum goes?

Surely you and your friend can find a different day to go out to the cinema?

readingmakesmehappy · 13/07/2026 20:43

I’m very very surprised that you didn’t remember the date of your husband’s birthday. I‘m not surprised that he’s hurt. You should reschedule your friend.

gingercat02 · 13/07/2026 20:42

I would be raging, we love birthdays here. Cake, fizz, presents, dinner or lunch out. They are family occasions.

SallyD00lally · 13/07/2026 20:42

Would you be pissed off in his shoes?

No but I'm not in his shoes so it's a pointless question.

And nor are you unless this is a boring reverse.

Dweetfidilove · 13/07/2026 20:42

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 13/07/2026 20:29

That would be so mean I’d be heartbroken if my imaginary DH did that to me. Isn’t evening on his bday for sex?

He should be so lucky 😃😃😃

PinkyFlamingo · 13/07/2026 20:41

You seriously have to ask? No one's that clueless are they surely?

Teawithfrenchtoast · 13/07/2026 20:41

I felt bad enough about having an evening job interview with a presentation a few years ago in my husbands birthday. I’d definitely not feel comfortable about going on an average cinema trip on his birthday, and yes it does does show lack of thought given you hadn’t already twigged that it was his birthday.

RoseOliviaAu · 13/07/2026 20:39

Don’t be a prick. No you can’t go.

inkgirl · 13/07/2026 20:38

Dont do it, he's clearly going to be upset if you do go out without him

MeatyMagda · 13/07/2026 20:37

I wouldn’t really care, but I’m not bothered about birthdays. I guess it depends if he is.

Larrythecatforpm · 13/07/2026 20:35

Yabu and a very shit partner to do that to him.

MickyMoonshine · 13/07/2026 20:35

Yeah that’s pretty shit tbh. The making plans and the forgetting the date.

outerspacepotato · 13/07/2026 20:34

Asshole move.

Sarahelisa · 13/07/2026 20:33

I actually wouldn't mind myself if my DP said can I do something with friend on your birthday as it is the only date they can do and can we celebrate your birthday a different evening but I would be annoyed if he just forgot and booked something without checking with me

BeSunnyLemonSheep · 13/07/2026 20:32

YABVU. You’re being selfish and thoughtless.

Bigtrapeze · 13/07/2026 20:31

Sorry, OP. My DH would not do this. This year I have been invited to a wedding evening do on mine and have asked DH and DD14 if it is okay if I can go as I felt bad. Surely the cinema can be rearranged. My DH wouldn't mind me going out on his birthday but I wouldn't.