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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go out on my husband's birthday

109 replies

Thatsnotmynamee · 13/07/2026 20:26

I made arrangements with a friend to go to the cinema - there was a bit of back and forth about a date, but we settled on one. I double checked with my husband just now and his face just fell. He said 'don't you remember what that day is'. I felt irritated honestly, like just tell me what it is, why are we guessing...then the penny dropped, it's his birthday. I was planning on going out at 8pm. And a bit of me is like, well...why can't I? We have small children so wouldn't be going out ourselves. We're having his mum round for dinner, it would all be wrapped up before 8. So AIBU to feel like he's being a bit out?? We have fundamentally different ideas on birthdays I think 😬 Would you be pissed off in his shoes? (I have already bought some presents btw, it's not as though I had literally no idea. Am a muppet)

OP posts:
Tamtim · 14/07/2026 06:42

I’d be mightily pissed of if my DH did that.

WorkCleanRepeat · 14/07/2026 06:38

I wouldn't give a hoot if my husband went out at 8pm on my birthday, im pretty sure he wouldn't care if I did either.

Oneofthworher · 14/07/2026 00:54

I’d be gutted if my husband did that to me.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 14/07/2026 00:26

Thatsnotmynamee · 14/07/2026 00:12

Bit weird

It's really not weird. You made a mistake booking the cinema with your friend on your husband's birthday. Normal people would apologise to their husband and spend the evening with him instead.

Not you though, his birthday is over before 8pm so you can go out. That's weird.

Thatsnotmynamee · 14/07/2026 00:12

WerewolfOfLoudon · 13/07/2026 23:52

Have you cancelled the cinema and apologised to your husband?

Bit weird

OP posts:
MrsKeats · 14/07/2026 00:06

How does anyone not remember their partner’s birthday?
Mind boggling.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 14/07/2026 00:01

WerewolfOfLoudon · 13/07/2026 23:52

Have you cancelled the cinema and apologised to your husband?

bejaysus..

StampOnTheGround · 14/07/2026 00:01

I don’t think the major issue is you forgetting that the date you chose was his birthday, I’ve often said, ahh yes next Tuesday works then a day later realised the date is a birthday. BUT it’s the attitude about the why couldn’t I just go out? That is probably throwing everybody into getting a bit mean to you.

Own the mistake, apologise but for gods sake don’t actually go out!

WerewolfOfLoudon · 13/07/2026 23:52

Thatsnotmynamee · 13/07/2026 23:34

I've said I bought presents. I've said I'm making a cake. I've admitted it was thoughtless. What is then to be gained from calling me cold and heartless? I just don't get the pile on mentality - it's AIBU, I know, I know. And one should never post if feeling wobbly. But I honestly felt like shit on a shoe reading some of these replies.

Have you cancelled the cinema and apologised to your husband?

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 13/07/2026 23:47

Thatsnotmynamee · 13/07/2026 23:34

I've said I bought presents. I've said I'm making a cake. I've admitted it was thoughtless. What is then to be gained from calling me cold and heartless? I just don't get the pile on mentality - it's AIBU, I know, I know. And one should never post if feeling wobbly. But I honestly felt like shit on a shoe reading some of these replies.

@Thatsnotmynamee I would elegantly depart the thread and hide it

It is a bit of an epic ball drop, but we all do that sometimes, no need to hang around now you know that

LeaveMeBee · 13/07/2026 23:45

Thatsnotmynamee · 13/07/2026 20:26

I made arrangements with a friend to go to the cinema - there was a bit of back and forth about a date, but we settled on one. I double checked with my husband just now and his face just fell. He said 'don't you remember what that day is'. I felt irritated honestly, like just tell me what it is, why are we guessing...then the penny dropped, it's his birthday. I was planning on going out at 8pm. And a bit of me is like, well...why can't I? We have small children so wouldn't be going out ourselves. We're having his mum round for dinner, it would all be wrapped up before 8. So AIBU to feel like he's being a bit out?? We have fundamentally different ideas on birthdays I think 😬 Would you be pissed off in his shoes? (I have already bought some presents btw, it's not as though I had literally no idea. Am a muppet)

Total dick move.

The fact you didn't even remember your partner's Birthday isn't considerate and to then prioritise your friend/social life over a birthday celebration is not nice.

Feel sorry for your partner tbh.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 13/07/2026 23:43

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 13/07/2026 21:48

Oh, stop it with the “poor me, I’m such a horrible person” faux pity party shit. It’s manipulative bullshit and clear as day 🙄.

I don’t care about my birthday and never want a fuss, but this is just cold and heartless, even for me.

The fact that the day didn’t register is just bizarre.

Edited

She's being funny, mixed in with realising she's been a tad inconsiderate

anyway, it's an easy fix

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 13/07/2026 23:43

I wouldn’t go out, no. Unless it was something I couldn’t change like a 40th party or wedding etc. But I’d still check in with DH first.

It’s fine that you forgot as long as you apologised , it’s the doubling down and still wanting to go that’s unreasonable.

InterestedDad37 · 13/07/2026 23:40

I left my long term partner some years ago. There were no affairs, I had nobody 'lined up'. It was death (of the relationship) by a thousand cuts. Shit like what the OP wants to do was very much a part of it. No individual event was that serious, on the surface, but the overall effect was fatal.

Thatsnotmynamee · 13/07/2026 23:34

I've said I bought presents. I've said I'm making a cake. I've admitted it was thoughtless. What is then to be gained from calling me cold and heartless? I just don't get the pile on mentality - it's AIBU, I know, I know. And one should never post if feeling wobbly. But I honestly felt like shit on a shoe reading some of these replies.

OP posts:
Chilly80 · 13/07/2026 22:30

Can't your MIL babysit if she's coming for dinner so you and DH can go out?

BadLad · 13/07/2026 22:12

In our house birthday celebrations can get moved to the nearest convenient day if necessary so I wouldn’t be bothered if my wife went out on my actual birthday. But if she had no idea when my birthday was I would be disappointed

MyArtfulGreySloth · 13/07/2026 22:12

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 13/07/2026 20:29

That would be so mean I’d be heartbroken if my imaginary DH did that to me. Isn’t evening on his bday for sex?

who made that rule up? 🙄🙄

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 13/07/2026 22:10

I’m not precious about my birthday but FFS it’s just bizarre when you could just as easily do with your friend to the cinema any other night.

ImpatientlyWaitingForSummer · 13/07/2026 21:59

Oh god no I wouldn’t dream of doing this on my partner’s birthday and he wouldn’t do it to me either, yes I’d be very pissed off!

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 13/07/2026 21:48

Thatsnotmynamee · 13/07/2026 21:39

I don't have many.

Oh, stop it with the “poor me, I’m such a horrible person” faux pity party shit. It’s manipulative bullshit and clear as day 🙄.

I don’t care about my birthday and never want a fuss, but this is just cold and heartless, even for me.

The fact that the day didn’t register is just bizarre.

GimmieABreakOr3 · 13/07/2026 21:46

nah, YABU - you forgot it was your husband’s bday?

I am team husband on this one - feel sorry for the poor chap.

darkandgloomy · 13/07/2026 21:44

It is a twatish move. Bet you would be royally pissed off if the shoe was on the other foot.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 13/07/2026 21:43

I’d be pretty upset if it were me

PopcornKitten · 13/07/2026 21:40

Thatsnotmynamee · 13/07/2026 21:24

Thanks all. Again, it's not a reverse and I'm clearly a cunt 👍

But it’s fine, just message your friend and say ‘oops need another new date’ thus starting the process again. Then enjoy the birthday eveninhowever low key it may be knowing you have the cinema to look forward to ;-)