AIBU to feel really hurt by this and how do I sort it?

Your husband didn't do any favours for the daughter, though. Shelves appear, garage is sorted - I doubt she noticed who did it and she certainly won't have been concerned about if it was paid for. Please don't fall out with your friends over this. And go to a nail salon.

Maybe it would have been better to say "I did ask her..." but I can also see her being reluctant to throw her daughter under the bus

Absolutely this- make sure you text it on its own, just like she did.

Your CF friend is a user and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree!

OP some of these replies are batsjit crazy. Whether the daughter wanted to do the nails or not is beside the point… This couple have had free DIY because they are friends of this family. If that was me , I’d be bending over backwards to repay you in some way, not sending your an off the cuff message designed to put you in your place.

Oh sorry just in my world married people are a team. Your reply is insulting … grow up

Is she on a abroad holiday? As said, she might have just done a condensed, to-the-point text. There's no harm in asking for a favour. I can't stand people who say yes, but actually resent it. You shouldn't have pushed your DH to do it. Unless it's someone skint etc, they can pay. Did she stop doing nails because she isn't that good, or confident at doing them? She can't make her DD do them and she's on holiday so doesn't want to give it that much head space.

But I wouldn’t read that as dismissive, I’d read that as a good friend sending a quick text & not thinking about tone etc. you think with good enough friends that you can just speak quickly, and there’s grace where things are clunky

Well, @FeelDeflated you've had some odd comments.. what does it matter if it was you or your husband who helped ex friend, they were helped, & don't want to return the tiniest favour. As for her DD 'not wanting to' do nails, her mother hasn't brought her up properly, has she?
Bin the both of them. She hasn't even reached out to you to soften the blow. Users. Sod them. Hugs.

I don't think you're unreasonable to be disappointed but maybe the DD has been very clear about only doing nails for her mother and herself already?

I think you're not so reasonable because her DD's time isn't hers to offer.

I think the DD favour is separate and isn't relevant.
Is your friend a good friend otherwise and helps you in other ways? For instance I can't drive and my friends give me lifts a lot but hopefully I repay them by helping them in other ways such as pet sitting and taking kids to school.

You’ve every right to feel pissed off at your friend’s curt response.

If that were me, I’d have said “Ah sorry mate, Jane doesn’t really do nails anymore but I’ll tell you what, you and Dave do so much for us, how about a voucher for X salon; you can go there and get your nails done for your hols on me and I’ve transferred you some euros - treat yourselves to a cocktail when you get there”

Leave the texting and enjoy your hols

Oh shut up you daft moo with your misogyny bs - not everything a woman is asked to do is linked to this! I'd tell my son to help out the OP too.

It's not right to tell our kids that they never have to do anything they don't want to. When you've been the recipient of favours, you do owe the person who helped you, something in return if that something is within your power to give. It's rude and selfish to say a blanket 'no' just because you don't fancy it! I doubt the OP and her dh really wanted to spend their free time doing work on the 'friend's' house, but they did it because their friend asked.

Sometines in life you do have to do things you'd prefer not to do or cba with, esp if those favours are for people who've helped you out in the past - you do owe them something. She doesn't have to do free manicures for all her mum's friends, but for the woman whose husband decorated her room/put up shelves and a tv, she absolutely should make an effort.

You go your kids no favours if you let them believe they will never have to repay anything or undertake any task that's not to their own immediate benefit.

That’d annoy me too

No-mistyped !! I meant she WASN'T there when I needed a friend.Sorry for the confusion!

If you read the thread the OP, didn't expect daughter to do her nails for free she had offered to pay!
I think op has been treated appallingly, all the diy,her husband has kindly done for all.of them for free,and entitled daughter cant put herself out to do op nails. Absolute liberty takers. I hope husband never does another favour for them again

I would never, ever make my child do something that she didn’t want to do just because my friend asked.

She is probably inundated with friends and family asking her for one small favour.

Should she always say yes because she’s required to show thanks and appreciation.

I teach my child that she doesn’t owe anyone anything.

It’s very misogynistic to expect a woman to do something just to ‘be nice and thankful’.

Good point!

Neither she or the dd owe you anything OP, as it was your husband putting the work in.

It sounds to me like dd has already made it clear she’s made a decision not to do nails anymore, which is her right. I made the same decision with sewing jobs.

Why are you so transactional?

If DH did not want to do roof tiling and the friend wanted him to help them do it, he is more than reasonable to say no.

More fool him if he’s doing something that he doesn’t want to do.

Do you always immediately jump when your friends click their fingers?

@chocoluvif my daughter had benefitted from favours done by my friend and her dh, yes I absolutely would tell her that she owes my friend a favour in return. She's being asked to do her nails, not hand over her first born child, so you can spare me all of your 'glad I'm not your child' bollocks. Too many people have the attitude that it's okay to take but never give. You clearly have warped sense of perspective if you think that being made by your mum to show thanks and appreciation to someone who has helped you out loads is worse than having a mum who is in and out of mental institutions and that you've had to callthe police on!

I think you should talk to her about this. She is your friend and that's when you do with friends.

@chocoluv and the friend can hire literally any handyman to get her DIY done - but she hasn’t, OP’s DH has done it for free. No longer.

Honestly what a bitch! I’d have very little to do with her after that. Not a nice person. Tell her where to go when she next asks you for a favour!

All we can hope is that she doesn’t have the cheek to ask DH for any more DIY help henceforth - have the excellent ‘sorry, he’s only doing DIY for us now’ ready, along with a hard Paddington stare. Stay firm against the bleating about cost, convenience etc. that will follow. The balance in this friendship has just shifted, even if she doesn’t realise it yet.

She doesn’t do nails anymore, she only does mine and her own.”

You said she said she only does them for herself and her mum - that’s not a ‘few’, it is literally one other person which is her own mum.

The friend should have just said no she doesn’t do them anymore and left it as that but felt she needed to explain how she only does hers and her mums.

The DD does not do nails for other people anymore.
I bet all of her friends have asked her to do them just one time etc.

You are taking this way too personally.

You would have leant on your DD and tried to force her into doing something that she really doesn’t want to do, all for your friend?

Geez I’m glad you’re not my mum
(and I say that with a mum who is in and out of mental institutes and I regularly have to call the police on).

Surely your own child comes before your friend?

OP can literally go to any salon and get it done.