AIBU to feel really hurt by this and how do I sort it?

YANBU.
I’d have replied with, “that’s fine, but in the interests of fairness, DH will only be doing our DIY in future!”
Pass-agg as hell, but I wouldn’t even care 😆

I would feel exactly the same, I've been in exactly the same situation except it was my own daughter, there are a lot of very selfish, ungrateful people around though

I think shecis out of order. Your friend should have said, "she doesn't do them anymore, only does herself and mine, but l will ask her" lt isn't nice when you have done so much for them, you ask for one thing, & you are dismissed . I too would be fed up with that response. Don't forget, it works both ways

I wouldn't send a birthday card or anything - you would be sending her the message that how she's treated you is okay and it really isn't!
There's no moral high ground to be had here - the right thing to do now is to reassess priorities. Stop asking your dh to do favours for your friends and let the man rest and enjoy his time off.

I would have also been deeply hurt by this OP and after 4 weeks I'd have been absolutely spitting feathers as well. I'd be considering a dumping message expressing shock and horror at her poor values and treatment of you as well x

It could easily have been shut down quickly in a friendly manner.

If she was that sick, she should understand how cheeky she was to ask Op's husband's free DIY. Or maybe she never gets sick of asking others to volunteer for her and her daughter.

No need to provide anymore DIY service. For her birthday, you can send her a brief text of 3 words. Happy Birthday, CFName.

Op's dh is not providing any sexual services so there's no pimping involved.
Op called this lady her best friend, not her he's friend. It's because of Op her husband has helped her friend. Not sure why it's so hard to understand.

Get over yourself and stop insulting people you don’t even know.

This is applicable to you too.

so the poor bloke didn't even want to do the jobs! Why didn't he just say no? Are you or your friend hard to say no to?
Anyway i imagine that when you mentioned it before, the friend mentioned it to the daughter who said then she didn't want to do it. That's why it was shut down quickly.

Her reply was rude. She could have said her DD doesn’t enjoy doing nails anymore or given any number of reasons in a kind, nice way. Does she take in other ways too? Are you always the one who drives, who takes round food or a bottle of wine, who picks up the tab at the bar more frequently?

How very rude to be so dismissive. And it was clearly intentional as she hasn’t been in touch since.

Do NOT acknowledge birthday and quietly move on. I am sorry OP. Clearly she is a CFer and you were her mark.

I'm very sorry for you. After her ignoring you for four weeks is be crippled with hurt from this.

She may simply have been sick of people asking her to "volunteer" her daughter to do their nails even though she's given that up, and may even have had a clash with her daughter over these things, and just really doesn't want to have to deal with it any more.

Absolutely. The mum owed the op a polite no. It wasn’t a cheeky ask- unlike this woman the op was going to pay her.

Also, would the husband be happy to keep putting up shelves if he had 20 different people asking him? Somebody every few days.

This is something every mechanic/plumber/etc will attest to as being really irritating.

If you and the daughter had nothing to do with the DIY I don't really see how she's obligated to do your nails tbh, OP.

The OPs DH has done DIY in the daughter’s bedroom so she should show some appreciation for that. It’s not like the daughter hasn’t benefited from the work that has been provided at no charge.

OP, yanbu.
You now know that she is a user and a taker.
Her reply was rude.
A friend wouldn't dream of replying like that, much less one that had received so many favours.

Let the relationship continue to drift.

As someone’s dd with a skill. I have explicitly told my parents (mother) not to suggest or offer my services to anyone. Ever. At all. If you have her DDs number ask her yourself, if you don’t you are not close enough to ask.

it’s likely a big bone of connection and her mum has been warned off any of her friends asking favours. Especially as she doesn’t enjoy it or want to do it anymore.

reciprocity should be expected from her DH and herself. Her DD doesn’t have anything to do with it. You are insinuating a lot here to inform your position without anything to back it up. You don’t know that DD isn’t given her prior instruction or wasn’t close by.

she is your friend of 30+ years why do you assume bad faith? Does she have form or is it unfounded

She’ll be back in touch when she wants something else, OP. Her DD sounds equally selfish. I’d be inclined to drop them.

That is absolutely how I would reply. Use her words and sit back and see what happens.

So weird she went silent OP! I think she’s very rude and selfish. Do you think she’s annoyed you didn’t reply and is feeling defensive / guilty because she knows she owes you? Either way she sounds quite immature and a bit of a user. Sounds like she leaned way too much on you guys for free labour - way more than a normal friend would. You might be better not being friends, altho I know that’s hard after this long. And you sound like a loyal kind person.

do you think you’ve had an inkling for a while that things have been unfairly balanced? I wonder if you did and for that reason the nail issue was already quite loaded before you texted. Almost a test to see what the response would be?

But the DH’s husband has done the DD lots of favours saving her lots of money. And the OP was willing to pay as well.