Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can cake really be offensive?

190 replies

ThisWildHedgehog · 13/07/2026 11:23

Can cake really be offensive?

So my husband bought a really nice celebration cake over the weekend. It was large, cost £20, and was absolutely delicious, but there was too much for us to eat without some going to waste.

As we were seeing my MIL, FIL and SIL, I cut the cake in half and took it round to them in the box.

My only thought was, “It’s a lovely cake, and there’s enough to share.”

When I gave it to my MIL, I said, “We’ve brought you this cake because it’s really lovely and there’s enough to share.” She replied, “That’s fine.” I thought that was a really bizarre and ungrateful response, so I said, “Well, hopefully you’ll enjoy it.” She didn’t respond to that comment at all.

Anyway, once we got home, I said to DH that I felt a bit deflated because his mum seemed so dismissive about the cake. He said, “You shouldn’t have taken it, as it’ll be taken the wrong way.”

I asked how on earth giving someone cake could be taken badly, and he said that because they’re all a bit on the larger side, it would come across as, “Fat people like cake - here’s my leftovers.” 😳

Surely not?! They’ve known me for 10 years, and we’ve often had cake together. How could that possibly be what they thought?

Gosh, I’m praying you all think I’m not being unreasonable and that there’s no way I’ve offended anyone by giving them the cake!

OP posts:
Wingwalk · 13/07/2026 13:37

ThisWildHedgehog · 13/07/2026 11:45

I understand that. I didn’t even see it as ‘leftovers’ as we’d only had two slices from the cake. I gave them a full untouched half and it wasn’t even a day old. In my eyes it was sharing a treat 😥

I don't understand it, @Naurrr what do you mean you "don't eat other people's leftovers"? It's not a reheated kebab it's a cake. You know if you go to a fancy restaurant and have a slice of torte, other customers will have had slices off the cake before you? Do you still see that as eating other people's leftovers?

bittertwisted · 13/07/2026 13:37

Naurrr · 13/07/2026 13:31

Why not ask the other posters who said the same as me? I don't eat food from people's houses.
HTH

I’m not questioning your boundaries on this. However I’m interested to know why

ThisWildHedgehog · 13/07/2026 13:37

BeSunnyLemonSheep · 13/07/2026 13:32

“Bizarre and ungrateful”? It was half of a leftover cake you didn’t want anymore.

Get over yourself. I would be binning it.

I have got over myself. I just asked whether I was being unreasonable. 😊

I still think it’s basic manners to say “thank you” when someone gives you something, whether it’s a bunch of bananas or half a celebration cake that was intentionally put aside for you.

You clearly disagree, which is fine.

OP posts:
Nousernameideaaga · 13/07/2026 13:37

Hard to be offended by a bit of cake.

Don’t worry, think many people are a bit hot and bothered and grumpy at mo

EmailsaysOOO · 13/07/2026 13:36

What nonsense. You did nothing wrong OP. You were perfectly reasonable

RoseOliviaAu · 13/07/2026 13:36

Lots of people don’t particularly want half an eaten , slightly dry because it’s been cut already, cheap cake. That’s on them but I don’t think she needed to be excited that you brought her it.

Stompythedinosaur · 13/07/2026 13:35

I struggle to see how anyone could interpret that as offensive!

As always, mn has proved an eye opener. I had no idea there are people who don't eat food prepared in other people's homes! I personally love a foodie gift!

IMakeCrapCakes · 13/07/2026 13:35

I make deliberately offensive cakes quite often so yes I would say so (not really, they're meant to be funny).

However in your case, I would have seen this as a kind gesture too.

I don't like cake at all, but if someone had have brought me their fabulous cake that they didn't want to go to waste I would have accepted it as a gift with good grace, and then doled it out to people who wanted some. I certainly wouldn't have been snotty about it. They sound rude.

CoCoJones26 · 13/07/2026 13:34

Can't get past you buying a 16- slice cake, only to eat 2 pieces then try to give it away....what a waste of money!

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 13/07/2026 13:34

“Left over cake”? You’ve lost me with that one, sorry. Can anyone explain what this is please?

Anyway, changing the subject, did you know cake freezes excellently? Slice it up, separate the slices with a layer of grease proof paper then freeze. You probably only need an hour (?) to defrost one slice.

FrustratedApples · 13/07/2026 13:33

Cake is one food that isn't seen as leftovers - think party bags, slices of wedding cake sent to important guests who couldn't attend etc. What you did was kind and perfectly reasonable.

My immediate answer to the title of your thread was "only if there's something obscene piped on with icing". 🙂

BeSunnyLemonSheep · 13/07/2026 13:32

“Bizarre and ungrateful”? It was half of a leftover cake you didn’t want anymore.

Get over yourself. I would be binning it.

Beachtastic · 13/07/2026 13:32

What weirdos! Feel free to drop off any unused cake to me in future, OP 🎂

Naurrr · 13/07/2026 13:31

Isittimeformynapyet · 13/07/2026 11:55

Surely, by your reasoning, the cake becomes "leftovers" the moment someone takes the first slice?!

Or is it moving the cake from one place to another that contaminates it?

What are the ramifications of this when going on a picnic?

Your thinking is strange and precious, but I daresay you'll defend it vigorously 😄

Why not ask the other posters who said the same as me? I don't eat food from people's houses.
HTH

bittertwisted · 13/07/2026 13:31

DillyDillie · 13/07/2026 11:48

It's not leftovers: - It is sharing something big. That is a very kind gesture.

Exactly, how on earth is it leftovers? If I make a big roast, and there is too much I will give my son’s a portion for their Monday tea.
that isn’t leftovers, that is sensibly sharing inevitable ability to completely over cater

ThisWildHedgehog · 13/07/2026 13:31

Bjorkdidit · 13/07/2026 13:24

This. Maybe if you'd have cut them some slices and wrapped them up in serviettes like at a children's birthday party, they'd have received it more graciously?

But I can't be the only person who'd love to know what this really nice cake was?

https://www.ocado.com/products/m-s-raspberry-ripple-cake/650831011?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic_shopping&utm_campaign=organic_shopping&srsltid=AfmBOoqMqq36d9ZJOQZ3B8V8NtnxGchaCG914njf4FC_oRX7fCCC1FwnTjw

The little meringue bits were absolutely wonderful 🥰

OP posts:
Whynottryagain · 13/07/2026 13:30

I can think of lots of ways cake could be offensive -

  1. Rude slogan on it / decorations that are political etc given to someone with the opposite views
  2. Given to someone you know is dieting
  3. Given to someone you know has allergies to the ingredients
  4. Cake is mouldy
  5. Cake was originally for a party you didn't invite them to, even though they'd have liked to come.

I'm sure I could think of more if I tried!

But personally I love being given cake!
Give it to someone more appreciative next time. Or freeze it.

BorkaGoose · 13/07/2026 13:25

ThisWildHedgehog · 13/07/2026 11:23

Can cake really be offensive?

So my husband bought a really nice celebration cake over the weekend. It was large, cost £20, and was absolutely delicious, but there was too much for us to eat without some going to waste.

As we were seeing my MIL, FIL and SIL, I cut the cake in half and took it round to them in the box.

My only thought was, “It’s a lovely cake, and there’s enough to share.”

When I gave it to my MIL, I said, “We’ve brought you this cake because it’s really lovely and there’s enough to share.” She replied, “That’s fine.” I thought that was a really bizarre and ungrateful response, so I said, “Well, hopefully you’ll enjoy it.” She didn’t respond to that comment at all.

Anyway, once we got home, I said to DH that I felt a bit deflated because his mum seemed so dismissive about the cake. He said, “You shouldn’t have taken it, as it’ll be taken the wrong way.”

I asked how on earth giving someone cake could be taken badly, and he said that because they’re all a bit on the larger side, it would come across as, “Fat people like cake - here’s my leftovers.” 😳

Surely not?! They’ve known me for 10 years, and we’ve often had cake together. How could that possibly be what they thought?

Gosh, I’m praying you all think I’m not being unreasonable and that there’s no way I’ve offended anyone by giving them the cake!

@ThisWildHedgehog YANBU but as an important side bar, please can you tell us where you managed to find a “glorious” cake for £20 and what was it like?

Bjorkdidit · 13/07/2026 13:24

UrbanSoul · 13/07/2026 11:51

Your inlaws are odd,so are the people on here who don't eat left overs. It was half a cake, not scraped leftovers from their plates.

This. Maybe if you'd have cut them some slices and wrapped them up in serviettes like at a children's birthday party, they'd have received it more graciously?

But I can't be the only person who'd love to know what this really nice cake was?

SummerHasArrivedatLast · 13/07/2026 13:24

Bring it round here. I fancy a nice piece of cake.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable! 🤣

Happyjoe · 13/07/2026 13:23

If ok, will send you a message with my address - any leftover cake in future would be received with gratitude and a big smile at mine. Cake is god!

Weird response from in-laws, ah well, never mind. Can't please them all!

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 13/07/2026 11:58

My MiL would not eat shop bought cake.

We organised a small gathering for her 70th birthday. We told her we’d sort all the food & cake and not to worry. We ordered a big cake from M&S, white with silver & pink writing “Happy 70th birthday Xxx”. She still made her own cake.

Ethelspagetti · 13/07/2026 11:56

I did similar with my left over sponge wedding cake. Gave some to my parents and in-laws who appreciated it, my sister did not. She thanked me but was silent. The next time I saw her I asked if she enjoyed the cake. She said it was obvious that I was trying to make her fat?!!! Never shared any more treats with her again!!! You did a nice thing. They didn’t appreciate it so don’t bother in future.

Ethelspagetti · 13/07/2026 11:56

I did similar with my left over sponge wedding cake. Gave some to my parents and in-laws who appreciated it, my sister did not. She thanked me but was silent. The next time I saw her I asked if she enjoyed the cake. She said it was obvious that I was trying to make her fat?!!! Never shared any more treats with her again!!! You did a nice thing. They didn’t appreciate it so don’t bother in future.

Ethelspagetti · 13/07/2026 11:56

I did similar with my left over sponge wedding cake. Gave some to my parents and in-laws who appreciated it, my sister did not. She thanked me but was silent. The next time I saw her I asked if she enjoyed the cake. She said it was obvious that I was trying to make her fat?!!! Never shared any more treats with her again!!! You did a nice thing. They didn’t appreciate it so don’t bother in future.