AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

Oh op he’s definitely having an affair.

Yes if she wants to have him for herself and cause trouble

I was just about to post something similar.

You have no concrete evidence that he is having an affair, so accusing him or her may blow up in your face. You can either keep quiet whilst you look for it, or put a sledgehammer to this right away.

I'd basically tell him that you are onto him. Everytime he moved his lips I would say "Oh, are you going over to CATHY'S again. Is Cathy joining us? Are you doing her overnight oats again. Tell Cathy I said hi?"

I would also be ready for the reverse psychology that cheating men use to shut women up. "It's all in my head? Oh DH, nice bit of gaslighting there". Or, make a bingo card of gaslighting and other cheating lying husband buzzwords and phrases and then pull it out and shout HOUSE when it is full and pass it to him. If you are not a sarcastic cow like me, then I would just say "No, don't gaslight me, I am not having it".

YANBU, exactly, why wouldn't he just tell you straight away? Maybe he thought it would look fishy hency why he hesitsted, but it didn't help much. If anything, it only made the situation worse!

Here's the thing, he may not have been pining for her or fancying her in the way that women fancy men, it's just she's a not 'wholly' unattractive woman in his orbit who is now single.

Cathy being vulnerable at this point is now a target.
She may have had sex with him and now regrets it.
Telling him it's a one-off.
In which case, he might be moody as there's no repeat performance.

They may or may not be having an affair.
But one thing is clear.
Your husband fancies ‘Cathy’.

Can we have the recipe for the overnight oats? They seem magical’

Visit Cathy.
Get some straight answers.

Men do not want to be friends with women as they would be with other men.
Does that mean they're misogynist? No.
Does it mean they can't have work colleagues, and acquaintances they're fond of? No.
They just don't want to go out of their way to spend time with women they aren't related to.

Unless it's getting their leg over or exploiting her for money etc.

I wish that women would wake up about this and stop supporting this corrosive idea.

Dh has made a new female friend and they're going away on a bog snorkeling course but the hotel has only one room available with a double bed and they've booked it.. Aibu to be suspicious?

Then the smarmy replies,

Don't you trust him, OP?

Agree 😬

Cheating husbands are known to gaslight. Part of the script. They are not very original.

This with bells on.

I would, but I would put the onus on him, as in, ask her if he was bothering her turning up at hers without you. That way you’re not accusing her of anything.

I’ve read more than one post on here where single women say married men have hit on them straight after a breakup - and even after being widowed.

I think the windowsill oats and being unreachable for hours early in the morning were two separate incidents.

Delicious is a stretch, imo, but they are good for you. Even if they do taste like dressed-up cardboard.

You know what is delicious? Eggs and crispy bacon.

Urgh why are men such predictable shits!!! Has he fancied her for a long time and sees this as his moment? The oats thing is fucking weird and i do think Cathy might be a bit innocent in this - she might not even know hes a fucking lying scumbag - its him thats shit. Hows the marriage been?

Yes, and she might not be interested at all. Perhaps that's why he went into town alone - to recover from the rejection! Unless I've got that part wrong and his phone was still showing as being at hers when he said he was in town.

No one would leave oats on a bloody windowsill. The birds would get them. Sorry OP, but it does sound suspicious.

I would not be happy to have a partner get up early to leave a thoughtful little gift with another woman & be evasive about it. Why not tell you so it would be collaborative? It's already not cool even if it's not on her. You should be receiving breakfast in bed. That thoughtful effort should be for his partner. Let him get up at dawn to go get croissants your favourite coffee ☕️ and wake you with it. If I'm not being romanced I'm already out.

Thank you. And on her windowsill?

A married man makes overnight oats for wife's friend who just broke up with bf, sneaks out of the home at an ungodly hour of the morning to leave them on her windowsill, then is unreachable for some hours.

Does he usually make a breakfast for his friends and run over very very early to give it to them?

Another thing, isn't it hot where you are? How long are those things good for? And I'm shocked some passerby didn't just run off with those. That would be free breakfast for some early bird in my neighborhood. If someone left something on one of my windowsills, they'd scare the crap out of me lurking around at that hour plus it might be out there cooking for a while unless someone jacked it.

Doesn't he use an app or his phone to monitor his runs? Why would he leave it at Cathy's?

His story is very holey. It sounds like bullshit and smells like bullshit. Sorry. I think you need to press him on this.

This is exactly what I was thinking! I’ve been there! Er… your partner just said xyz, and I’m letting you know because that wasn’t my idea/fault/I’m not sneaking around covering for him.

It’s 50/50 in my mind, tbh. Giving Cathy the benefit of the doubt, there’s no actual evidence as yet that she’s done anything wrong (emphasis on the “yet”). The husband though couldn’t behave more suspiciously if he was trying.

As said, why did you blow your cover OP? You shoulda said nothing and waited until you had a clear picture of what was going on.

Sit, watch, wait...

Does he have form for this behaviour?