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AIBU?

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AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

338 replies

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:27

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

OP posts:
Branwells77 · 13/07/2026 16:46

Sorry but this all sounds a bit off to me him sneaking out early morning and being unreachable sorry OP but it doesn’t sound good

essexmam89 · 13/07/2026 16:38

AnonymityAnonymity · 12/07/2026 20:35

He was quick off the mark to make his move after she broke up with her previous partner OP.

It’s more than likely been going on long before that

essexmam89 · 13/07/2026 16:38

He’s sleeping with her she’s ditched her partner and it sounds like your going to be next I’m sorry I would be around her house asking wtf is going on and I’d demand to see there messages

Shewas · 13/07/2026 15:58

If he's often at Cathy's in the always mornings, why would he leave the oats on the windowsill?

My guess is either Cathy thinks he's making a fool/nuisance of himself and hopes you'll make it stop, or she's hoping you finding out will bring things to a head.

Saltysweetspicy · 13/07/2026 15:56

If my husband left overnight oats out for another woman I would think that highly strange! That's before the rest of it. How weird

Shewas · 13/07/2026 15:53

If Cathy is a friend of yours, could you go for coffee and say something along the lines of I do hope DH is not making a nuisance of himself, men are so predictable when they spot a vulnerable woman....

sussexman · 13/07/2026 15:50

Monty36 · 13/07/2026 15:43

On a windowsill too ?

Perhaps they were wild oats.

Monty36 · 13/07/2026 15:43

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/07/2026 20:42

Overnight oats are a weird break up gift.

On a windowsill too ?

momtoboys · 13/07/2026 15:36

What in the world?

YerArseInParsley · 13/07/2026 15:17

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:27

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

So did u speak to him when he got home?

Luvnhugs · 13/07/2026 14:42

TheBlueKoala · 13/07/2026 11:10

That they are less attractive to a young man than women his age🤷‍♀️

You can't generalise. I can assure you my former Nigella look alike neighbour in her 60s attracted more than her fair share of young men. At a mixed age neighbour's Christmas gathering she was chatting to me & a few other women about the fact she couldn't get pregnant at her stage of life was a huge attraction for many young men if they were looking for no strings sex. I admit I was speechless 😂

Wetblanket78 · 13/07/2026 14:41

RudolphTheReindeer · 12/07/2026 20:30

Sorry op, I clicked yabu as I tried to scroll and can't change it. i actually think Yanbu.

You can change it just click on YANBU.

Esmeraldathe3rd · 13/07/2026 14:31

Obviously he's having an affair with Cathy.
He said he was in the city alone. Then when you told him you knew where he was he said he was running with Cathy. That's not the same story. Yes he did lie to you.

Tomomomatoes · 13/07/2026 14:29

If they did a run it'll be on one or both of their STRAVA surely?

AutumnLover1990 · 13/07/2026 14:20

Fishy as hell 😞

Greenwriter76 · 13/07/2026 14:18

What married man leaves gifts (albeit oats!) for another woman who has broken up with someone (& doesn’t tell his wife)?
Then goes awol with her and radio silence for his wife?
A creepy, cheaty one with a crush on the other woman. that’s who.
Sorry OP.

TheBlueKoala · 13/07/2026 13:54

bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox · 13/07/2026 13:29

Ooh yeah mine said that to me too when he didn't tell me she was going along to a work trip in Germany (they worked together)! Now they're married with a 2 year old, and he hasn't seen our DD for over a year 🙄 sorry...

What a piece of shit!!!

Fiendishandfiery · 13/07/2026 13:42

I wouldn’t say affair, but I’d definitely say he’s interested in Cathy and sniffing round, sorry op.

bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox · 13/07/2026 13:29

malloryknox123 · 12/07/2026 21:39

He’s either having an affair with Cathy or he’s going to give you the “yes I lied but only because I knew you’d be mad with jealousy and kick off so it’s actually all your fault but I forgive you “ spiel

Ooh yeah mine said that to me too when he didn't tell me she was going along to a work trip in Germany (they worked together)! Now they're married with a 2 year old, and he hasn't seen our DD for over a year 🙄 sorry...

Glockenspock · 13/07/2026 11:48

niiiiiice · 12/07/2026 21:20

I doubt they're shagging already, she might not even be interested - but I'd say he is. He is definitely very interested.

Yes. Rallying round a woman after a break up is a job for her female friends to do. Unless she's suicidal and has no no one else to turn to, a male friend rushing over implies sniffing around, not rallying

Besides which a married man offering another woman his shoulder to cry on should not be happening! It's the exact material of an emotional affair.

Cathy might actually be horrified tho. I'd wait until I see her face to face then casually mention about your husband popping over (repeatedly) to give her some oats and exercise (side eye with one raised eyebrow) then watch her immediate reaction closely - body language especially.

kortneyxzgilda · 13/07/2026 11:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheBlueKoala · 13/07/2026 11:10

DeeNiall · 13/07/2026 10:49

Speakeasier · Today 08:30
Do you think he’d be dropping overnight oats at Mavis’s house in her 60s who’d just split up with her husband? That’s always the clincher for me.

What exactly are you suggesting about women in their 60s?

That they are less attractive to a young man than women his age🤷‍♀️

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 13/07/2026 10:51

Dodgy as

DeeNiall · 13/07/2026 10:49

Speakeasier · Today 08:30
Do you think he’d be dropping overnight oats at Mavis’s house in her 60s who’d just split up with her husband? That’s always the clincher for me.

What exactly are you suggesting about women in their 60s?

SlightlyTerrifiedButPolite · 13/07/2026 10:34

This stinks. At the very least he’s got some weird crush on her and a guilty conscience