AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

And he was out for a early morning ride.🐎😬

That’s the funniest comment on here ! 😂

Just make a joke of it. She might be relieved you have confronted it if she's noticed his attentions and thought them OTT.

Who cares about making DH look silly at this juncture: he's not worried how it all looks for you.

And if she is up to something, who cares about her and what she thinks.

I'd just splice the thing open and see what's inside at this point and given what has already been said.

On at least two occasions he’s sneaked out of the house without the op knowing or seeing what he was up to. He crept around with the oats to put on her bedroom windowsill? Kitchen? Hoping to get a peek of her just waking or getting up? Did he tap on the window to alert her and what then? Did she let him in or did he give a cheesy grin and sneak back home again before being found out? On the second occasion he’s gone at 6 am on Saturday morning and my guess is that she let him in and they didn’t go jogging or to town. It reads like a Benny Hill script, sorry, showing my age here!

🤣🤣🤣

Just click on the one you want, if not on a phone, apparently.

@Weejayy Clearly your husband is treating you like you're a thick idiot.

I would actually go further with this.

I find the whole "it's wrong to look at your partner's phone" thing on MN deeply weird. DH and I use each other's phones pretty freely. Not saying where you are or getting cagey about questions is a red flag to me. If you have nothing to hide, it isn't intrusive, it's interested.

The sowing his oats joke was funny but the actual porridge thing wasn't: it was overly intimate for the circumstances and ick. He looked a desperate goober.

Since Cathy has raised it with you and have shown your suspicion to him, I'd be inclined to just put it on the table with Cathy. If they are up to something, they know enough now to get sneaky so staying quiet isn't going to help. I suspect Cathy is not into him and a bit embarrassed.

ETA if she finds it a weird too, I'd then just be brutal with DH: "I spoke to Cathy about all this wooing her with porridge and we have both agreed it's a bit ick."

Sorry if this has already been asked, but out of curiosity why did Cathy and her partner split?
Are you close enough to her ex partner to seek his thoughts on it? Or do you have any other mutual friends?
I’d be careful before you go all in and speak to Cathy about it as you don’t want to end up potentially ruining a friendship if you’re wrong.

It's not looking good. It's not looking good at all, why's he being so evasive about it all? Whys Cathy not saying anything? I do not like the sound of it one bit. Don't be afraid to say something: no doubt they will complain that your being controlling or insecure of unhinged if you do, but so what, that damage is done either way on my view. Break that party up!

When my parents split up quite a few men who were long standing friends of both of them made moves on my mum.

i know NAMALT, but urgh, men.

So obviously cheating. Ask her, in person, since he is already lying. Better yet, just go, and leave them to it. Why would he be going out of his way to be a shoulder to cry on for a female friend? Not 2 minutes after she's single. You couldn't make it up.

I think he’s trying to pursue her that much is obvious right?! Whether you have caught them in time or not, he was definitely shooting his shot.

I thought Cathy was going to turn out to be a horse when I read about the oats on the windowsill.

Are you sure he was actually inside Cathy's house and not sat outside stalking her? The leaving oats on her windowsill is weird. Why not just knock and give them to her.

Wild oats 😁

He is riding her or wants to be. I’m sorry it’s clear he is up to no good.

100% affair, I’m very sorry to say. X

There may or may not be an affair and she may not be interested at all but he's probably up for it. I don't know of any man who would drop off overnight oats in the morning for a male friend going through a breakup, but maybe I just associate with troglodytes.

Sorry op, I think he's left a different kind of overnight oat at Cathy's.

He's after her one way or another.

The biggest cheats I know are lovely. And romantic. And still cheats.

Yes. Maybe Cathy is taunting her, or wants her to find out. I've seen that happen more than once.

I'm not going to jump straight to they're having an affair but I do think he likes her more than just a friend.

Sorry but he is behaving inappropriately with this woman. Leaving little pots of oats for her, who is she Goldilocks? Leaving his phone at her house while he goes running? No mate, he is behaving furtively and surely if he is honest and has nothing to hide there would be no need for this. Do you know why she broke up with her boyfriend? I would do a little drive past that running group and see if they are both there.

Sorry but his sneaky behaviour does sound like he is cheating . No other reason for him the lie and not be straight about where he had been and who with.

Overnight oats on a windowsill ? I am imagining the type - ohhh so sensitive, identifies as a feminist, knight in shining armour. The sort of bloke who thinks you'd never suspect him because he's just so damned decent.
Would not trust him as far as I could throw him. I am a lot older than you an I'm afraid I don't think it's a 'sweet thing to do" as you said in your OP - it just has plausible deniability.
I don't know about her part in this, but he's not thinking about your feelings at all here, and he's the one who's meant to put you first.