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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

338 replies

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:27

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

OP posts:
OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 13/07/2026 19:25

The very best outcome I can think of is it’s an emotional affair and they’ve been caught before they started shagging. He’s lied to you. He’s round her house before you woke up without telling you where he is. All unforgivable.

QueenietheGreat · 13/07/2026 19:22

@Weejayy
He really does go the mile for some oats doesn't he??????

Tuesdayschild50 · 13/07/2026 19:05

Yes .. ask her sounds dodgy to me sorry op x

Thissideof40 · 13/07/2026 19:05

I’d be suspicious. I’m not convinced he went for a run with her as why wouldn’t he just say that. And why did he seem panicked? Definitely something up with this.

Mama1722 · 13/07/2026 19:00

Maybe be upfront n ask them both, while your all together, surely you should be able to tell if he's being dishonest.

GerryPix · 13/07/2026 18:58

If they're not sleeping with each other yet, its because she's not yet given into him yet. Judging by the answers he feels guilty about what he's doing.

Oldmamabear · 13/07/2026 18:57

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:27

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

I'd invite Cathy over for dinner. Pay close attention to how they act around each other without making it obvious. After dinner I would pour a glass of wine and ask them outright. Only you will know your preferred approach for asking difficult questions but I think I would be inclined ito say something like "you know people think there is something going on between you two. I think if thats true it will come out at some point and if it is true I would rather k ow here and now straight from the horses mouth. I dont want to spend months second guessing of finding out for sure from someone else" id take a big glug of wine, look them straight in the eye and say "so is it true?". Neither will know what the other is likely to say so watch to see if they try and exchange glances as they wont have had time to decide if they want to admit it or not but if you suddenly put them on the spot, their body language should tell you.

Bluestar1971 · 13/07/2026 18:55

Something dodgy going on. Otherwise why is he lying or at least struggling to tell the truth

MidnightMusing5 · 13/07/2026 18:48

I would have just watched and waited. He will just cover his tracks . Back off like it’s nothing to let his guard down and then wait . If he’s playing - you will know

MyMiniMetro · 13/07/2026 18:47

So come on, did you ask either of them
directly?

I’m really sorry but the way you tell it, he’s quite obviously sleeping with her.

Calliopespa · 13/07/2026 18:47

OhcantthInkofaname · 13/07/2026 18:42

She is not your friend.

I'm not so sure about this.

That is one possible plot.

But to me the obvious betrayal is coming from DH. It is possible Cathy isn't into it.

MrsJeanLuc · 13/07/2026 18:46

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:48

I thought pretty hard about asking her. Fundamentally, she’s not the one being secretive about this and really this is my husband’s mess.

i don’t know if it’s a bit of an awkward / insulting thing to ask a friend. And she’s already going through her break up. I don’t know - should I ask her?

Show quote history

I would talk to her, yes. Face to face though. Don't accuse her of anything, just ask if she went for a run with DH yesterday morning.

If it turns awkward, then you have your answer don't you.

So, @Weejayy any update?

OhcantthInkofaname · 13/07/2026 18:42

She is not your friend.

MushMonster · 13/07/2026 18:40

But, what did he say when he got back home?
And is it normal for him to bugger off before 6 am without letting you know he is out? Not normal in my household. At all.
He has a lot of explaining to do.
Leaving a phone behind makes full sense. But... in that case, you call/ text straight away when you get it back. Or it is one of the first things you say to your partner when you get a call from them.

It is very weird and sounds full on guilty.
I would ask her too. Face to face.

Pessismistic · 13/07/2026 18:35

Hi op he was definitely being evasive I would be asking why is he seeing her so early could she have broken up with her man because she wants your man. Either way don’t ignore your gut. He has no reason to lie to you if it’s normal and I would definitely ask her if your dh is coming on to her.

Calliopespa · 13/07/2026 18:34

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 13/07/2026 18:30

.......And all because the lady loves.... Overnight Oats❤️.

I'm struggling to believe any of this is real, and isn't just some bored housewife trying her hand at a spot of comedy writing.

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I kind of hope so.

It would be such a wet, soggy sexual advance.

Calliopespa · 13/07/2026 18:33

Ladygodalmighty · 13/07/2026 18:27

I agree with you except for that last paragraph! If he's being a sex pest with Cathy why would you want to remain married to such a deceitful creep? When the trust is gone......

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Yes, true. Though personally I'd still enjoy the chance to tell him you have both been openly discussing his sexy overtures and found them ludicrous!

TeaIsLovely · 13/07/2026 18:33

Hackedoffinoldage · 13/07/2026 18:28

Sorry, can I ask- what does husband (31m) mean?!

He’s 31 months old. Hence the overnight oats, teething and all that.

TeaIsLovely · 13/07/2026 18:31

Overnight oats. That’s a new one. Sorry OP - it’s more like overnight stay.

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 13/07/2026 18:30

TheMrsCampbellBlack · 12/07/2026 22:27

Id be very disturbed if someone left me oats on my windowsill! That's so strange and creepy. She could have him after that alone. So many questions - did he creep around in the dark and drop them? How did she know the oats were there and find them? Did she bring the plate back?

.......And all because the lady loves.... Overnight Oats❤️.

I'm struggling to believe any of this is real, and isn't just some bored housewife trying her hand at a spot of comedy writing.

Shewas · 13/07/2026 18:29

lordbaddingham · 13/07/2026 17:36

Are you sure he was actually inside Cathy's house and not sat outside stalking her? The leaving oats on her windowsill is weird. Why not just knock and give them to her.

Yes, I'm wondering if he was actually with her or just lurking. Really odd to leave the oats on the windowsill, really odd full stop but especially the windowsill, and there's a reason Cathy wants OP to know.

Bimblebombles · 13/07/2026 18:29

If someone wanted to woo me it would take more than overnight oats, what a weird choice of gift.

Hackedoffinoldage · 13/07/2026 18:28

Sorry, can I ask- what does husband (31m) mean?!

Ladygodalmighty · 13/07/2026 18:27

Calliopespa · 13/07/2026 18:02

I would actually go further with this.

I find the whole "it's wrong to look at your partner's phone" thing on MN deeply weird. DH and I use each other's phones pretty freely. Not saying where you are or getting cagey about questions is a red flag to me. If you have nothing to hide, it isn't intrusive, it's interested.

The sowing his oats joke was funny but the actual porridge thing wasn't: it was overly intimate for the circumstances and ick. He looked a desperate goober.

Since Cathy has raised it with you and have shown your suspicion to him, I'd be inclined to just put it on the table with Cathy. If they are up to something, they know enough now to get sneaky so staying quiet isn't going to help. I suspect Cathy is not into him and a bit embarrassed.

ETA if she finds it a weird too, I'd then just be brutal with DH: "I spoke to Cathy about all this wooing her with porridge and we have both agreed it's a bit ick."

Edited
Show quote history

I agree with you except for that last paragraph! If he's being a sex pest with Cathy why would you want to remain married to such a deceitful creep? When the trust is gone......

Humblebumbley · 13/07/2026 18:24

Oh honey…