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AIBU?

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AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

338 replies

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:27

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

OP posts:
Thegoldenoriole · 12/07/2026 21:11

I wouldn’t ask Cathy, but I would keep a very close eye on your husband.

Perfectly nice, perfectly normal people have affairs every day.

Gwenna · 12/07/2026 21:11

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:27

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

Cathy’s newly single, and he’s interested. Sorry OP, I think that’s what’s happening 💖

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 21:09

GOATYOAT · 12/07/2026 21:06

Don’t accuse her of anything, but him… yeah he getting his oats at hers. Tell her and see how she reacts. But, why did her relationship break down?

Oh, she was involved with this guy who just couldn’t make up his mind. He’d split up with her a year ago. Then wanted her back and she really liked him so took him back. Then took her to meet his parents and then dumped her a week later saying he wanted to stay single. Bit of an ass really.

OP posts:
GOATYOAT · 12/07/2026 21:08

Sorry. I didn’t mean that to be so dismissive. I am sorry that he is behaving like this, but there really isn’t an innocent explanation. I think you know that though.

GOATYOAT · 12/07/2026 21:06

Don’t accuse her of anything, but him… yeah he getting his oats at hers. Tell her and see how she reacts. But, why did her relationship break down?

KlippityKloppity · 12/07/2026 21:06

You need to ask Cathy

ThreadGuardDog · 12/07/2026 21:04

Yeah, sorry OP but the oats on the window sill weren’t the only ones.

SummerDive · 12/07/2026 20:58

Actually you have no idea whether he was lying or not.
He said he left his phone at her house but did he?? You have no way of knowing.
But the fact he left, didn’t keave you a note? Then didn’t answer his phone, not even when he checked your message and saw you had been ringing him several times?

Sorry, but I think you’d be naive to take what he said as the truth.

I don’t think it means he is having an affair though. He might not YET.
But at the very least he is bring very interested and VERY SECRETIVE about it. And the last part being the most concerning about it all.

B1anche · 12/07/2026 20:58

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:48

I thought pretty hard about asking her. Fundamentally, she’s not the one being secretive about this and really this is my husband’s mess.

i don’t know if it’s a bit of an awkward / insulting thing to ask a friend. And she’s already going through her break up. I don’t know - should I ask her?

Yes you should ask her.

TheBlueKoala · 12/07/2026 20:56

@Weejayy Your dh is making his moves right after her breakup. I would ask to see her for a coffee and talk about your suspicions. If they are not having an affair it's just him being emotionally invested and trying to and she should know that. If she's not interested she will be disgusted with him trying to make a move while she's vulnerable.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 12/07/2026 20:54

Ask her. Tell her he was being weird and lying to you and I ly admitted it when he had to.

superspideysense · 12/07/2026 20:51

I guess you don’t need to ask directly but just say that he said he was at yours this morning….and see what she says?!

is it normal for him to get up and go without saying goodbye?

was he actually in town when he said he was, or still at Cathy’s (on find my).

only you know him so it’s hard to really assess. But if your gut is telling you something is off then it probably is.

WhatYouWearing · 12/07/2026 20:50

Why has her relationship broken up?

Nousernameideaaga · 12/07/2026 20:49

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:48

I thought pretty hard about asking her. Fundamentally, she’s not the one being secretive about this and really this is my husband’s mess.

i don’t know if it’s a bit of an awkward / insulting thing to ask a friend. And she’s already going through her break up. I don’t know - should I ask her?

Yes. But face to face

WhatYouWearing · 12/07/2026 20:49

AnonymityAnonymity · 12/07/2026 20:35

He was quick off the mark to make his move after she broke up with her previous partner OP.

Was he though? Or has something been going on a while, I wonder.

I’m sorry OP, it doesn’t look good.

NameChangeAgain48 · 12/07/2026 20:49

Its a shame that you showed you hand. I woukd have asked where he was said nothing and tracked him more.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/07/2026 20:49

Just ask her.

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:48

superspideysense · 12/07/2026 20:44

Would you feel comfortable asking her?!

I thought pretty hard about asking her. Fundamentally, she’s not the one being secretive about this and really this is my husband’s mess.

i don’t know if it’s a bit of an awkward / insulting thing to ask a friend. And she’s already going through her break up. I don’t know - should I ask her?

OP posts:
DeeNiall · 12/07/2026 20:47

Damsel in distress. At best it's an emotional affair but the jogging is probably horizontal.

superspideysense · 12/07/2026 20:44

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:37

I think I’ve known her five years. She’s genuinely a lovely person and I’m struggling to wrap my head around her having anything to do with a married man. Though I do think this whole thing is weird.

Would you feel comfortable asking her?!

TheLambtonWorm · 12/07/2026 20:43

Maybe Cathy is a lovely person but loneliness and grief can do funny things to a person. She could just be using him for some company but isn't interested in him. Maybe your husband is also just being a creepy bastard and pushing his luck and she.doesnt actually want him sniffing around?

Did you carry on the conversation when he finally returned from his "run"?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/07/2026 20:42

Overnight oats are a weird break up gift.

UpDownAllAround1 · 12/07/2026 20:40

So what has he said over the weekend about this?

ToddlerHostage · 12/07/2026 20:39

MouldEight · 12/07/2026 20:33

If he was, would Cathy have told OP about them?

I think we all know diet and fitness bores. It’s the equivalent of Cathy posting her 6am Hyrox training.

Cherrysoup · 12/07/2026 20:38

I think I’d be asking her wtaf he was doing there at the crack of dawn and watch her face. Very odd. If my Dh did that, he’d be getting a big row for not being up front about where he’d been. Most dodgy.