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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

338 replies

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:27

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

OP posts:
Clubbiscuit · 12/07/2026 22:08

TrishM80 · 12/07/2026 22:05

Sorry, what in the fuck are overnight oats?!

They are delicious. Put oats, yogurt, milk and a bit of maple syrup (plus I put walnuts, raisins and blueberries in mine) in a tub in the fridge overnight. Next day, consume.

TrishM80 · 12/07/2026 22:05

Sorry, what in the fuck are overnight oats?!

Piknik · 12/07/2026 22:00

It is not a bit suss, it's really REALLY suss.

Who goes to someone's house at 6am?
Doesn't answer their phone
Lies about where they are
Lies about where they have been
And then stumbles and flusters when asked.

I don't know your relationship, so can't guess the best way to approach this, but I can't read this and not agree with the other posters who are almost certain that your DP is cheating. I'm sorry.

bellhawk · 12/07/2026 21:55

Let him do it again - act like you have no suspicions at all - but when this happens you can go and knock on Cathy's door and ask how her oats are, in person.

meringuenests · 12/07/2026 21:48

Don't second-guess, don't think of any other options, don't accept any crap. Tell him to go and stay with Cathy until he's sorted this shit out.

meringuenests · 12/07/2026 21:47

He's SHAGGING

chocoluv · 12/07/2026 21:47

JanBlues2026 · 12/07/2026 21:33

Leaving overnight oats for someone is bizarre in itself

Especially if it’s in a different city too!

chocoluv · 12/07/2026 21:46

Of course it’s weird.

Why not just leave a note to say he’s gone out for a run.

The fact that he didn’t tell you and was shady about it is just plain suspicious.

But once you feel the need to have a tracker and then check it, you know the relationship is dead.

Mapletree1985 · 12/07/2026 21:39

MouldEight · 12/07/2026 20:33

If he was, would Cathy have told OP about them?

Cathy is a more strategic thinker than OP's husband.

malloryknox123 · 12/07/2026 21:39

He’s either having an affair with Cathy or he’s going to give you the “yes I lied but only because I knew you’d be mad with jealousy and kick off so it’s actually all your fault but I forgive you “ spiel

JanBlues2026 · 12/07/2026 21:33

Leaving overnight oats for someone is bizarre in itself

Nowthatshuge · 12/07/2026 21:32

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 20:37

I think I’ve known her five years. She’s genuinely a lovely person and I’m struggling to wrap my head around her having anything to do with a married man. Though I do think this whole thing is weird.

‘Lovely’ people do this shit all the time unfortunately. Theres a woman who I work with, always been butter wouldn’t melt lovely lady. The last year or so she’s brazenly having an affair with a senior manager who is married (he is a serial cheat) she is also married with two primary school ages kids

Franjipanl8r · 12/07/2026 21:31

The whole thing would give me the massive ick. Even if nothing’s going on and Cathy’s not interested in him, the fact he’s sniffing around like a dog looking for a bone is grim.

PinkyFlamingo · 12/07/2026 21:30

He will just get more sneaky in covering it all.up.now.

NovaF · 12/07/2026 21:30

I would ask her, and make it clear it is inappropriate.

She may think it is very sweet and innocent but your husband isn't being ultra nice, he is being creepy to a woman in an emotionally vulnerable place and then lying to you.

There is no way any of this is normal!

SallyDraperGetInHere · 12/07/2026 21:28

I don’t think Cathy is interested. Your husband is on the hunt.

Rachelshair · 12/07/2026 21:24

I think it's a bit odd he just goes out for hours very early, without telling you where he's going. And then is cagey when asked. He sounds a bit sus. He's definitely interested in Cathy.

Blackbirdsandrats · 12/07/2026 21:23

I reckon he's trying to make a move on her and she's unaware - hence telling you about the oats.
If she wasn't lovely (your description of her) she could be telling you in an attempt to get him found out so you kick him out and he chooses her.

Is he the 'rescuer' type?

niiiiiice · 12/07/2026 21:20

I doubt they're shagging already, she might not even be interested - but I'd say he is. He is definitely very interested.

Passingthrough123 · 12/07/2026 21:18

Who become friends with Cathy first and in what context?

I agree about sowing his overnight oats. Sorry. He went over to shag her, not run with her.

Bonkers1966 · 12/07/2026 21:17

Ask her. He may be making a complete tool of himself over a vulnerable woman who sees him as a happily married man who is being supportive.

roseymoira · 12/07/2026 21:16

how do you both know her? Is she more his friend or yours?

The whole thing is bizarre. Waking up and him out and not knowing where he is is crazy in itself, and saying he is ‘getting on with his day’ what on earth is that? Are you normally so disconnected or is this new behaviour?

Weejayy · 12/07/2026 21:15

ToddlerHostage · 12/07/2026 20:30

He’s definitely off sowing his wild overnight oats.

I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but thanks for the giggle anyway 🤭

OP posts:
MandemChickenShop · 12/07/2026 21:12

Not sure running was the only exercise going on there......

ForeverNowWithin · 12/07/2026 21:12

He left some overnight oats on her windowsill? Is this some kind of euphemism?

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