AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

Should read muppet. Bloody spell check

Thing is, she could be utterly uninterested in your DH. But he is sidling around her - she may think he's just being kind. She's probably oblivious if she's in the midst of a break up & its aftermath.

He's the one you need to speak to. He's behaving oddly, at the very least.

Good luck, @Weejayy

Classic behaviour of 2 people in cahoots who don’t want you becoming suspicious. She (your bestie friend) is open about how ‘supportive’ your DH is. Aren’t you lucky!! It totally sucks OP. And I hope I’m wrong. Not my first rodeo. Sadly.

I'm inclined to say married couples I read about here who have so few boundaries regarding close friends of the opposite sex never cease to amaze me. This is a typical example of how in the end it can often end in tears regardless of those in the 'just friends' scenario shouting about no sexual attraction. I hope this is innocent OP. In the future I'd be setting boundaries so as not to be subjected to this worry in the future.

I always know when DH is lying. I just know.
It’s never anything big, but he must have reason. Whatever it is, I don’t know!

I’m not going to leap to affair (I mean it’s not a leap, I’m just not going to go straight there). I think it’s interesting Cathy told you about the oats, and that he didn’t. To me, that in particular, reads like she’s letting you know about it, and he’s being secretive.

Today, maybe he turned up and wanted to talk about how your relationship isn’t going very well and he wants to confide in her blah blah blah. He was definitely being cagey and he only admitted what he did when he realised you knew from his tracker where he’d been. But we can’t say for sure what Cathy’s reaction was to him (imo) throwing himself at her/laying the groundwork.

He’s definitely trying it on. The effort of making the overnight oats in the first place let alone sneaking out the house at that hour in the morning to deliver them in person. It seems to be quite intimate too, as though trying to catch her when she’s just woken up and hoping she will think he’s so sweet etc. I find leaving the phone behind and going into the city a bit ‘off’ too. Who does that unless they don’t want to acknowledge phone calls and they have a good excuse for not doing so. Why couldn’t he have mentioned these plans before if she’s a mutual friend? He’s already in denial about it and will probably accuse you of being jealous, an unattractive trait which his “niceness” trumps.

That crossed my mind too.

Affair. Best female friends cheat on their best female friends. Men cheat. You already have the evidence. If it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck….

im sorry OP. You will be fine long term. I promise.

⬆️ What she said 😁

I think every woman has been in Cathy's shoes at some point(ie a guy is being weird and she doesnt want to be horrible because maybe she's misread the situation but aaaa)

The bit that amazes me in this is that either part of a partnership is supposed to make the other feel like they are the most important person on the planet. I can only hope I did this for my wife.

She absolutely was the most important thing in my world. I consciously tried to never leave myself in a position where there was ever any doubt. Because I didn't ever want her to doubt that she was the most important person in my life. Ever.

If a man is leaving you in any such doubt, it is because there is reason to doubt. Once there is doubt, the rot sets in. What a fucking puppet.

Legovernight oats more like

In my opinion, Cathy may be an innocent party in all this. She’s been honest and upfront with you, it seems. Your husband has something going on with her—but I think it might be an unrequited crush at this point. Why else would he lie?

"Overnight oats" eh?

Strange thing to leave on somebody's windowsill...

maybe he's why Cathy's relationship broke-up?

Strange she told you about the oats, unless it was a case of getting her version in first

Your husband’s behaviour is very suspicious. This isn’t a woman whose husband of many years died but someone who is well rid of a dodgy boyfriend whose parents she only met once. I doubt he’d be making special breakfasts for a male friend who’d been dumped. Why is he going round her house at all for his running? If she’s a mutual friend then I would say something but it sounds like she’s his friend not yours. I would not be happy with more visits to this woman.

He wouldn’t lie if there was absolutely nothing to worry about. Even if it’s just an unrequited crush on his side. I’d be watching for him switching off his location on Find My Friends. I’d also be telling him that the evasiveness about where he’s been and who he’s been with only creates distrust and if that continues the relationship will be over.

😆

I'm someone who jumps to conclusions and can't help myself so perhaps don't read too much into this; I'd put the left leg of each of his trousers & shorts into a shredder

I wouldn't assume it’s an affair as he may not have done anything. I’d assume though that he at least hopes to, as why else would he behaving so secretively. The nice guy act while she’s a little more vulnerable is also in itself a warning sign of how manipulative he can be.

I wouldn't be speaking to Cathy. I'd be speaking to my husband. I'd tell him flat out that what he is doing is putting his marriage at risk and he needs to think very carefully about what his priorities are.

If he wants to be a good friend to Cathy then why can't you do things all together? And when was the last time he made you breakfast or took you to the nearby city?

They are both awful. There's no excuse for cheating or for shagging a married man.
What a grim pair. Sorry op.

Also, if he didn't leave oats on the window before she was single, why not? It's either a perfectly ok friendly gesture or it's something that crosses a boundary. If it were the former he'd have done it when her boyfriend was on the scene. What stopped him?