AIBU to be surprised DH would stay single after a split?

My cynical black heart assumes he is saying this to you because this is what he would like you to do, not what would actually happen with him.

I'm male and 57 and whilst I wouldn't completely rule it out, if my wife and I split after 30+ years no I wouldn't date again. I am set in my ways, just as my wife is set in hers and they are compatible we've changed over the years and adjusted to each other. I wouldn't want to make the changes to adapt to someone else.

Plus at my time of life people come with huge amounts of baggage. I've a mate younger who's had two relationships fall apart because of the women's children not wanting her to date. I recently went to a funeral where the deceased son disrupted it because he wasn't happy with what his step mother (who was paying and only met the father when the son was in his 30s) has organised...I couldn't put up with that shite.

I don’t see why not, I haven’t slept with anyone or dated in 10 years

Both me and XH said the same thing when we divorced 10 years ago - I’ve stayed single and he’s been with his partner for 5 years. You just never know.

I can’t give a man’s perspective but I can believe him because what he says is exactly what I did. Although I did a bit of dating when I didn’t have the DC , they never met anyone, and I didn’t want to live with someone again. That was 15 years ago and now they have left home I still don’t. I never wanted them to feel uncomfortable in their own home by having someone move in, and never wanted to deal with someone else’s kids. I focused purely on my kids and I think they are better for it. And I am very content with my life. I like doing what I want and I cba to compromise with someone again.

My ex said he would never have another child and was considering a vasectomy after we had our second. One divorce and three years later my kids had a half sibling…

My dh has said he wouldn't actively seek a relationship and that is because he is quite happy on his own. I wouldn't actively seek one as the older I get the more I think most men are dickheads.

He is likely just saying that to make you happy. I find men struggle being single.

I think it’s an easy, off the cuff thing to say when you aren’t in that situation.
I don’t think it’s that deep - he said it because perhaps he thinks it’s true and also it seems like the “right” thing to say.

Still doesn’t mean it’s remotely accurate though. You don’t actually know how you’d feel until you are in that situation!

Purely hypothetical at this point..

But maybe he genuinely believes it. People don't know so are spending their day calling a man they don't know a liar based on nothing...crazy

He can say it, it was nothing bad.

What should he have said?

I don't think him saying he wouldn't find someone else is bad in itself.

But it's not that realistic and a bit naive, for the most part.

I think some of this thread is batshit. Man gets asked a question, answers in a way that plenty of women answer/follow through on, what do we get:

"Bullshit. He's only saying what you want to hear."

What the fuck answer could he have given that would please the people on here queuing up to criticise someone they have never met.

DP (50) and I (48) have also had this conversation and both of us said the same thing. That we wouldn’t bother to go out and date again, as we can’t be arsed 😂

We don’t have kids, but for me I’m at an age where I can happily be alone if DP and I didn’t work out. And he’s the same.

I think it’s because we’re very independent people and like having our own space.

I wouldn’t say never to ever meeting someone new, I just wouldn’t actively go looking for someone.

He’s probably sincere. When I was with Dh I was certain I would never have another relationship if we weren’t together.

After he died I went on a —sex— date a year later. Took me a LOT longer to contemplate having an actual relationship but it did happen. Of course some people do remain single but an awful lot don’t. I don’t think it’s terrible, it’s normal.

well obviously he isn’t stupid enough to say “if we split I’d just find someone else” is he? Or you would be posting on here complaining about that.

Statistically, if you were to split at his instigating, there's a very high probability that he'd already have someone new!

I don't think anyone aspires to have a blended family. It's very easy saying he wouldn't have another relationship now but it doesn't mean that he would stick to that if he was single.

Ah, Mumsnet, where you can always rely on being shown just how intensely some women absolutely despise men.

He can't be arsed now because he has you.

When he's single, he will be arsed.

It’s very sweet that you’re taking what he says as gospel as to what would actually happen. It may well happen like that but it’s unlikely.
Generally speaking, men don’t much like to be on their own, too much washing, cooking and general grunt work involved in not having a girlfriend or wife.
All that cynical stuff aside, let’s hope you never find out.

Me and my husband were talking about this ( we're 57 & 53 ) we have both said we would remain single.

Not sure if it because of our age, its not down to our children, he just said he CBA with another woman for the sake of a sex life haha