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AIBU?

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Original poster

Urban DofE: does such a thing exist?

109 replies

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:19

Hello
I am looking for an alternative Gold Duke of Edinburgh`s Award Expedition for my just turned 18yo daughter. She has mental health difficulties and a history of depression, to which I have found the standard Expeditions unsuitable. We live in Liverpool and I initially suggested to our Private DofE coordinator to do the Leeds and Liverpool Canal as her Expedition. And before you go on about wild country or mountains, as of 2023 the DofE says it allows Urban Expeditions (look at 20 Conditions).

It needs to have/provide the following things:

.be in an urban or semi-urban environment and not in "wilderness" or mountains
.have absolute MINIMUM team size of 4 people
.female only or request to have female only
.to ask an allocated time for me to see my daughter at night
.to ask to bring own food and not those shitty ration pack boil in the bag meals (such as bring own spaghetti and sauce)

Can anyone help or advise me on this?

OP posts:
EssCarGo · 12/07/2026 18:51

viques · 12/07/2026 18:50

This is the third post @paulinepolos has made about her daughter, lack of GCSEs and unwillingness to take part in the basic elements of the DOE.

She has had almost exactly the same responses in each thread. She has not only cast around for solutions, she has trawled a nets worth of advice. Most of which is that an adapted DOE that she is proposing wouldnt be allowed and that even if by some fluke it was, it wont compensate for the daughters lack of GCSEs.

Show quote history

Yes I know, I was on her first thread. I just don’t think snark really helps.

ShetlandishMum · 12/07/2026 18:50

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:43

Presumably camp in tents on side of canal, if not go to nearest town and camp in a park there.

Is that allowed? What do I know.
I wouldn't be too happy having young women camping there or in random parks.

viques · 12/07/2026 18:50

EssCarGo · 12/07/2026 18:41

That’s a bit unkind. The mother is clearly very worried and casting around for solutions.

Show quote history

This is the third post @paulinepolos has made about her daughter, lack of GCSEs and unwillingness to take part in the basic elements of the DOE.

She has had almost exactly the same responses in each thread. She has not only cast around for solutions, she has trawled a nets worth of advice. Most of which is that an adapted DOE that she is proposing wouldnt be allowed and that even if by some fluke it was, it wont compensate for the daughters lack of GCSEs.

TheBossOfMe · 12/07/2026 18:49

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:39

leeds and liverpool canal seems like a reasonable dofe gold expedition to me walking the entirety of it

There is no navigation or map reading involved in walking a fixed path. So missed core skills that are being tested. It’s not just a test of whether she can walk for miles. It’s testing a whole load of other skills as well. If she doesn’t have those, she can’t pass the requirements.

TakeThatAndParty81 · 12/07/2026 18:48

Does it have to be DofE could you do this together? I’m trying to think what you’re seeking to achieve? It’s just with the bronze d of e it took a lot of planning from the kids and the adults ….

saraclara · 12/07/2026 18:48

D of E is evidence of a young person's persistence, problem-solving capacities, willingness to test themselves and ability to work in a team. Your daughter doesn't have these qualities, so she's unsuited to it.

That. A gold award after an expedition where her mum has visited her every evening, would be valueless, even if it was allowed, which is highly unlikely.

ipityyou · 12/07/2026 18:48

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:47

#ipityyou
Yes. Its supposed to be challenging isnt it hahahahaha
We live in liverpool she goes up these canals

She’s walked all 120+ miles? The canals in city centres are very different to the ones in the middle of nowhere.

Either she has the mental age of a 14 year old, or she doesn’t.

Original poster
paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:47

#ipityyou
Yes. Its supposed to be challenging isnt it hahahahaha
We live in liverpool she goes up these canals

OP posts:
ipityyou · 12/07/2026 18:46

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:43

Presumably camp in tents on side of canal, if not go to nearest town and camp in a park there.

Okay, have you seen the state of the tow paths? Would you be confident that she would be able to navigate to a safe camping spot, and then back to the tow path in the morning?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/07/2026 18:45

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:43

Presumably camp in tents on side of canal, if not go to nearest town and camp in a park there.

Oh yeah 4 girls camping unattended at the side
of a canal… what could go wrong. Also you get that you can’t do any of the expedition with her?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 12/07/2026 18:44

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:39

leeds and liverpool canal seems like a reasonable dofe gold expedition to me walking the entirety of it

You should look into training as an expedition leader, and set one up for next year.

Original poster
paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:43

Presumably camp in tents on side of canal, if not go to nearest town and camp in a park there.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/07/2026 18:43

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:41

#ToKittyornotToKitty

Thats the biggest issue. She has 1 friend but we need to find 2 more girls for her to do it with.

And the 12 months of skills etc?

ShetlandishMum · 12/07/2026 18:43

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:39

leeds and liverpool canal seems like a reasonable dofe gold expedition to me walking the entirety of it

It seems to you?
You are going to volunteer to lead the trip?

ipityyou · 12/07/2026 18:42

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:39

leeds and liverpool canal seems like a reasonable dofe gold expedition to me walking the entirety of it

Doing that is a fair old undertaking.

It crosses the Pennines, and can be isolated in places. Even though she’s just following a tow path, what will she do about camping? How many miles will she be walking in a day? It’s over 120 miles.

Original poster
paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:41

#ToKittyornotToKitty

Thats the biggest issue. She has 1 friend but we need to find 2 more girls for her to do it with.

OP posts:
EssCarGo · 12/07/2026 18:41

viques · 12/07/2026 18:35

I do love it when posters keep posting the same story in the hope that a different set of posters will give a different set of answers to the ones that have already been given!

if the OPs daughter had a tenth of her parents determination and persistence she would have aced her GCSEs and done the DOE gold walking on her hands.

That’s a bit unkind. The mother is clearly very worried and casting around for solutions.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/07/2026 18:41

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:39

leeds and liverpool canal seems like a reasonable dofe gold expedition to me walking the entirety of it

Who are the strangers she will be doing it with? Where will you get those participants from?

jay55 · 12/07/2026 18:40

Oliwiaa · 12/07/2026 18:37

What aspect of the DofE particularly appeals to her?
Maybe you could find something aligned to that that will better suit her needs eg is it the learning a new skill, camping/wilderness stuff, meeting new people?

If any of it appealed she’d probably get on with sorting it herself.
Its mum who is obsessed.

Original poster
paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:39

leeds and liverpool canal seems like a reasonable dofe gold expedition to me walking the entirety of it

OP posts:
Oliwiaa · 12/07/2026 18:37

What aspect of the DofE particularly appeals to her?
Maybe you could find something aligned to that that will better suit her needs eg is it the learning a new skill, camping/wilderness stuff, meeting new people?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 12/07/2026 18:37

She sounds as though she has additional needs of various types and so would be better with an additional needs group, kayaking or whatever.

Okiedokie123 · 12/07/2026 18:37

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:27

We did do volunteering.
She has done 18 months or 500 hours of unpaid work. She enjoyed it but it was 2 days a week for a morning. it seems to be when she is away from me at night time or longer than 1 day it triggers her mental episodes and makes her feel like she needs to drink.

"We did do volunteering" - surely she did it? On her own?

You need to let go. If she falls and stumbles........ thats on her. Its part of her development.
I do not see how her getting Gold DofE is going to be the magic fix all you seem to think it will be.

GarlicEverywhere · 12/07/2026 18:36

paulinepolos · 12/07/2026 18:28

She is 18 by law and date of birth, but mentally about 14. I really feel finishing the gold dofe would improve her life and future

You're attaching magical powers to the gold award. It doesn't get you jobs or stand in place of educational certificates.

D of E is evidence of a young person's persistence, problem-solving capacities, willingness to test themselves and ability to work in a team. Your daughter doesn't have these qualities, so she's unsuited to it.

If it's any comfort, I decided not to complete my gold because I didn't want to do the expedition - I finished the other parts but couldn't be bothered with that. And I was aware this decision only reflected my loathing of wild camping; no future employer would give a shit.

How did she manage her silver expedition? Mine was a bastard - I certainly didn't want to undergo twice as much of the same!.

viques · 12/07/2026 18:35

I do love it when posters keep posting the same story in the hope that a different set of posters will give a different set of answers to the ones that have already been given!

if the OPs daughter had a tenth of her parents determination and persistence she would have aced her GCSEs and done the DOE gold walking on her hands.

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