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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think the answer is a resounding Yes but my gosh what an opportunity to vengefully shit stir ….

137 replies

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 13:58

Little context

I was helped enormously by the MN community who supported my getting all ducks in a row and eventually leaving abusive/coercive/cheating husband of 18 years.

You also helped me navigate the gruelling 6 year divorce that followed where he kept to ‘script’ and used all the usual tricks a narcissist usually throws at the mother of his children when she leaves and he ends up with no control .

So- we had to navigate cheating threats/occupation/protective orders/ hiding assets leaving me penniless with all the DC who are now 18+ . I have no contact with ex.

Since the start of the break up I moved away and started a completely new life- Ex shacked up with one of the side pieces (there were many) treating her DC better than his own and being very vocal all over SM for his own children to see -

So- one of my newer friends started online dating after her divorce and she matches with my ex - she messaged me straight away and we had a laugh about it and 🤮🤮 at his profile.

Recently after a few wines she asked -shall we see how far he takes it ?

I definitely encouraged it and now it’s escalated - he is asking for intimate photos /wants to meet up and she has shared the requests with me

AIBU to print them and send them into Miss Sidepiece?

OR do a jog on and grow up and pretend I wasn’t left penniless, shat on with a massive chip on my shoulder?

OP posts:
JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 15:46

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 12/07/2026 15:15

You’d be on the list… who else would send this?

The other side pieces I’m guessing his DDs are pretty much all OLD too as are their friends/friends mums

OP posts:
CitizenZ · 12/07/2026 15:46

Do it! Sometimes Karma needs a little helping hand.

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 15:45

Werhere · 12/07/2026 14:33

It’s sad that more than 6 years after you split… you are still spending time thinking about him in any capacity

Errrr I wasnt 😝

my friend’s experience with him kind of foisted it upon me.

OP posts:
Justanopinionnothingmore · 12/07/2026 15:27

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 14:02

Nor am I but it’s like my body has such a urge to do it

I’m such a rule abider and it was to my cost during our divorce.

I have the angel and devil on my shoulder and neither is shouting louder than the other 🥴

Do it do ittttttt!
Anonymously though.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 12/07/2026 15:25

ImmortalSnowman · 12/07/2026 15:23

Any of the other side pieces.

Well if he’s got loads, and still wanted to be with your friend, presumably he won’t care if he loses one.

Weird to give this so much headspace, tbh. Try and move on.

100pearls · 12/07/2026 15:24

I'd be grateful that the sidepiece is keeping him away from you and your dc.

DancingLions · 12/07/2026 15:23

I'd do it. People say revenge doesn't make you feel better. Well I did it once and it absolutely did! Different circumstances etc but I have zero regrets to this day. It gave me a bit of power back where I'd had none and that felt good. The person even knew it was me and I'm glad they did! Showed them they couldn't walk all over me with no consequences.

ImmortalSnowman · 12/07/2026 15:23

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 12/07/2026 15:15

You’d be on the list… who else would send this?

Any of the other side pieces.

TrishM80 · 12/07/2026 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ImmortalSnowman · 12/07/2026 15:22

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 14:09

They wouldn’t know it was from me 🤔

Have friend arrange to meet him some place, invite Ms Sidepiece too. Send her the messages.

Nousernameideaaga · 12/07/2026 15:18

Don’t do it. You’ve come too far.

If he has NPD he won’t care at all, infact he will relish the fact that he can still evoke feelings in you, even vengeful ones.

He won’t care about losing side piece , he’s clearly evidenced he plans on having more anyway.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 12/07/2026 15:15

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 14:09

They wouldn’t know it was from me 🤔

You’d be on the list… who else would send this?

Highlighta · 12/07/2026 15:09

No OP. Let it go.

I know it might feel good to get revenge and all that.

But by going along with this means he is taking up your headspace. He doesn't deserve any if it and I can assure you, it won't make you feel better in the long run.

Werhere · 12/07/2026 14:53

I definitely encouraged it and now it’s escalated

what a silly waste of your time

what is clear… is that you’d probably benefit from some therapy to get closure on your ex @JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel

overnightangel · 12/07/2026 14:43

He’s probably fucked countless women over who now have an axe to grind so it’s unlikely your name would even be anywhere near the top of his list of guessing who did it. I wouldn’t be able to resist , personally

concertinacornflake · 12/07/2026 14:40

You're still tied to him, you're still obsessing about him.

Step away, let him go, focus on something else.

Freedom means not even thinking about what he's doing.

likelysuspect · 12/07/2026 14:37

Do you mean print them off and post them?

And its not traceable to you?

Im afraid I would act out of character and absolutely do this. Normally I would say no.

OwnHappiness · 12/07/2026 14:37

Send them

Werhere · 12/07/2026 14:33

It’s sad that more than 6 years after you split… you are still spending time thinking about him in any capacity

nomas · 12/07/2026 14:32

OW will know what he’s like anyway.

Your ex knows what your friend looks like and her name, don’t put her in any danger or at risk of revenge by egging her on to give you the screenshots.

Plus he will know you still think about him.

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 14:29

Eyesopenwideawake · 12/07/2026 14:20

Gawd, if it were me I know I should be the bigger person, yadda, yadda.

But....

Same!

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 12/07/2026 14:20

Gawd, if it were me I know I should be the bigger person, yadda, yadda.

But....

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 14:15

Shewas · 12/07/2026 14:05

Is it possible your friend could show her, one concerned woman nagivating a murky dating pool to another, and keep you out of it?

My friend doesn’t know his new partner - we live in completely different towns 40 minutes apart- so that wouldn’t work

OP posts:
HyggeTygge · 12/07/2026 14:12

Shewas · 12/07/2026 14:05

Is it possible your friend could show her, one concerned woman nagivating a murky dating pool to another, and keep you out of it?

This seems a good idea

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 14:11

GreenFootstool · 12/07/2026 14:04

Nah, fuck him, go nuclear. Send the evidence but make sure it's not traceable to you.

If nothing else she deserves to know he's actively looking for another model and she can go get an STI test for her peace of mind.

The legacy he left ME with was an STI but I don’t actually care about her health and well being - I’d be doing this to hurt her. I can see that with clarity ☺️

sorry that was a bit drip feedy

OP posts:
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