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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think the answer is a resounding Yes but my gosh what an opportunity to vengefully shit stir ….

137 replies

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 13:58

Little context

I was helped enormously by the MN community who supported my getting all ducks in a row and eventually leaving abusive/coercive/cheating husband of 18 years.

You also helped me navigate the gruelling 6 year divorce that followed where he kept to ‘script’ and used all the usual tricks a narcissist usually throws at the mother of his children when she leaves and he ends up with no control .

So- we had to navigate cheating threats/occupation/protective orders/ hiding assets leaving me penniless with all the DC who are now 18+ . I have no contact with ex.

Since the start of the break up I moved away and started a completely new life- Ex shacked up with one of the side pieces (there were many) treating her DC better than his own and being very vocal all over SM for his own children to see -

So- one of my newer friends started online dating after her divorce and she matches with my ex - she messaged me straight away and we had a laugh about it and 🤮🤮 at his profile.

Recently after a few wines she asked -shall we see how far he takes it ?

I definitely encouraged it and now it’s escalated - he is asking for intimate photos /wants to meet up and she has shared the requests with me

AIBU to print them and send them into Miss Sidepiece?

OR do a jog on and grow up and pretend I wasn’t left penniless, shat on with a massive chip on my shoulder?

OP posts:
Shedmistress · 12/07/2026 18:15

The main issue is that he might try and find your mate and take it out on her.

WoahNellie · 12/07/2026 18:13

Post his profile on the local are we dating the same guy FB page. Say he’s asking for intimate photos is anyone else speaking to him. Can be done anonymously

Nousernameideaaga · 12/07/2026 18:09

This is so sad 😢

There is such a difference between an abusive man and a narcissistic abusive man

With an abusive man , revenge could ruin his life

With a narcissist , it will only ruin yours

SP2024 · 12/07/2026 18:08

Does he not know she’s your friend? Or is he that arrogant??

MurunBuchstansangursCousinRossiter · 12/07/2026 18:05

OP do it.

Ignore the naysayers. I left my abusive husband over 25 years ago and I almost never think about him. I’m very happily married with children and grandchildren BUT if the opportunity to fuck his life up ever presented itself I’d grab it with both hands without a thought.

BIossomtoes · 12/07/2026 18:00

Werhere · 12/07/2026 14:33

It’s sad that more than 6 years after you split… you are still spending time thinking about him in any capacity

This. The best revenge is living well. Move on and live your best life.

EverMissWicklowSometimes · 12/07/2026 17:57

How does a new friend you've made in a different town even know what your ex looks like/enough about him to identify him on OLD?

DramaAlpaca · 12/07/2026 17:55

Oohhhh, I don't think I'd be able to stop myself. I have an inner wicked gremlin that I usually keep well under control, but in this case I'd have to let it loose.

Do it!!

Feelblue · 12/07/2026 17:49

She may already know about OLD and be either at peace with it or planning to leave.
The people might get hurt if they find out, through arguments or supporting their mother or their world changing are any children involved. Her children had no choice is who their mother got together with (and it doesn’t matter whether they are adults now).

You had moved on, completely try and if you’d just heard you’d have thought something bad about him and moved on. As soon as stringing along etc he definitely had room in your head.

edited to delete word

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 12/07/2026 17:24

So he and the side piece are definitely still together?

Fuck being the bigger person. Be the smaller person!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 12/07/2026 17:14

Oooohhhhh. Half of me is singing "Let It Go" and the other half is shouting "'e ain't worf it, Trace!" and offering to hold your coat.

Marycontrarygarden · 12/07/2026 17:14

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 14:02

Nor am I but it’s like my body has such a urge to do it

I’m such a rule abider and it was to my cost during our divorce.

I have the angel and devil on my shoulder and neither is shouting louder than the other 🥴

Show quote history

She know, of course she already know. Side piece knows when there is a new potential side piece in the wings.

Eyesopenwideawake · 12/07/2026 17:11

Is your friend OK with being part of the set up, bearing in mind she has no control over what might happen? Does he know of her connection with you?

ImmortalSnowman · 12/07/2026 17:10

Werhere · 12/07/2026 14:33

It’s sad that more than 6 years after you split… you are still spending time thinking about him in any capacity

Over 5 years since my split, guess I am sad too when I think about him every single time I see the scars.

Nousernameideaaga · 12/07/2026 17:01

concertinacornflake · 12/07/2026 16:44

I understand how hard it is to get over someone like this but this I definitely encouraged it and now it’s escalated - he is asking for intimate photos /wants to meet up and she has shared the requests with me isn't healthy behaviour.
It'd be better to step away and think about something, anything, else.

Edited
Show quote history

I agree

I do understand the desire for revenge and other posters encouraging that

But if you are truly dealing with a narcissist that is the absolute worst thing you can do. And you MUST realise that any and all behaviour from you (and he will know it is you) is supply to a narcissist. They don’t differentiate between good and bad supply.

There is only one way to beat a narcissist. And that is No Contact. Whatsoever. Of any form. Directly or indirectly. Ever, ever , again.

Trust me on this

Original poster
JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 16:58

Nousernameideaaga · 12/07/2026 16:35

I think you will know you are truly over him when you are given information like your friend gave you and you feel total apathy.

I guess so 😊

OP posts:
Thisisnotmyid · 12/07/2026 16:48

I’d send them and bugger if he finds out it was me. Just to see his face 😆

concertinacornflake · 12/07/2026 16:44

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 15:48

Errrr I wasn’t 😆

Show quote history

I understand how hard it is to get over someone like this but this I definitely encouraged it and now it’s escalated - he is asking for intimate photos /wants to meet up and she has shared the requests with me isn't healthy behaviour.
It'd be better to step away and think about something, anything, else.

Nousernameideaaga · 12/07/2026 16:35

I think you will know you are truly over him when you are given information like your friend gave you and you feel total apathy.

Icepop79 · 12/07/2026 16:35

Please come back and update how it all
goes! Screw being the bigger person. This twat sent you to hell and back. Why not get karma to bite him on the arse?!

Original poster
JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 16:30

Werhere · 12/07/2026 16:09

Lots of “er…. i wasn’t”
but fact remains… here you are more than 6 years post split “escalating” a tricky against your ex, spending time over it, starting a thread on it and planning on continuing it. I couldn’t give a fig what my ex is doing. Your behaviour doesn’t suggest you have fully moved on at all.

And in reality… this will likely be water off a duck’s back to the likes of him. And instead he’ll just use the experience for pub banter about the saga of his insane ex

I left him over 6 years ago

last huge court case was about year ago

I have indeed moved on it’s the reason I left my home and town and Ive been busy rebuilding with the DC and this has landed on my lap and it’s too good to just drop

I’m going to listen to PP who suggested going alomg with setting the meeting then send to current side piece who lives with him

its the least they both deserve then I don’t need to think about them again 😆

thanks all

OP posts:
Werhere · 12/07/2026 16:09

Lots of “er…. i wasn’t”
but fact remains… here you are more than 6 years post split “escalating” a tricky against your ex, spending time over it, starting a thread on it and planning on continuing it. I couldn’t give a fig what my ex is doing. Your behaviour doesn’t suggest you have fully moved on at all.

And in reality… this will likely be water off a duck’s back to the likes of him. And instead he’ll just use the experience for pub banter about the saga of his insane ex

PrayForPlagues · 12/07/2026 15:58

Dooooooooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

Original poster
JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 15:48

concertinacornflake · 12/07/2026 14:40

You're still tied to him, you're still obsessing about him.

Step away, let him go, focus on something else.

Freedom means not even thinking about what he's doing.

Errrr I wasn’t 😆

OP posts:
Original poster
JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 15:47

ImmortalSnowman · 12/07/2026 15:22

Have friend arrange to meet him some place, invite Ms Sidepiece too. Send her the messages.

Show quote history

Wow this is evil genius !

OP posts:
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