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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think the answer is a resounding Yes but my gosh what an opportunity to vengefully shit stir ….

137 replies

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 13:58

Little context

I was helped enormously by the MN community who supported my getting all ducks in a row and eventually leaving abusive/coercive/cheating husband of 18 years.

You also helped me navigate the gruelling 6 year divorce that followed where he kept to ‘script’ and used all the usual tricks a narcissist usually throws at the mother of his children when she leaves and he ends up with no control .

So- we had to navigate cheating threats/occupation/protective orders/ hiding assets leaving me penniless with all the DC who are now 18+ . I have no contact with ex.

Since the start of the break up I moved away and started a completely new life- Ex shacked up with one of the side pieces (there were many) treating her DC better than his own and being very vocal all over SM for his own children to see -

So- one of my newer friends started online dating after her divorce and she matches with my ex - she messaged me straight away and we had a laugh about it and 🤮🤮 at his profile.

Recently after a few wines she asked -shall we see how far he takes it ?

I definitely encouraged it and now it’s escalated - he is asking for intimate photos /wants to meet up and she has shared the requests with me

AIBU to print them and send them into Miss Sidepiece?

OR do a jog on and grow up and pretend I wasn’t left penniless, shat on with a massive chip on my shoulder?

OP posts:
Anarchy99 · 13/07/2026 19:47

Only if you want him to think you are still invested in his life.

Plus if he was abusive, do either of you want to risk winding him up?

Interesting that he’s the ex yet the woman (one of many apparently) is referred to dismissively as the ‘side piece’.

You admit it’s her you want to hurt, which would suggest you have feelings for him still. If you didn’t care then you would just ce relieved he’s out of your life, surely?

ClawsandEffect · 13/07/2026 19:46

Do it.

I played nice all my life until I turned 50. And then I was shat on a couple of times and it was like the worm had suddenly turned and I took quiet revenge. No one ever knew it was me that did it and because I was sensible with it, it was catastrophic on both occasions.

I'd do it. But I'd be canny with it. Don't post it from ANYWHERE near you. Have a day out in London (or the coast, if you live in London) and post it from there.

You can't rely on finding out the result of the catastrophic results. You COULD resort to social media stalking on a fake profile I suppose?

notatinydancer · 13/07/2026 19:42

Werhere · 12/07/2026 20:11

So is that why you’re willing to put her at risk and entangle her further still in your obsession with your ex? Because she’s a new friend?

He won’t give a damn Op. As I say… it’ll just be a story down at the pub that his ex still obsessed with him

Edited
Show quote history

He won’t know it’s her though ??

notatinydancer · 13/07/2026 19:41

Werhere · 12/07/2026 14:33

It’s sad that more than 6 years after you split… you are still spending time thinking about him in any capacity

She wasn’t until her friend matched with him. @JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel I’d do it absolutely.

Stillso · 13/07/2026 19:41

StarDolphins · 13/07/2026 19:37

If you can do it anonymously, absolutely! Why not?😆

Waste of time and energy that could be spent on pretty much anything else

StarDolphins · 13/07/2026 19:37

If you can do it anonymously, absolutely! Why not?😆

Stillso · 13/07/2026 19:33

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 19:34

Yes given most of my friends I had from my marriage or 30 years plus from school I regard her very much as a new friend as it was during restart and rebuild era

I have very few, lots of acquaintances and workmates but very few close new friends

Show quote history

Ask your friends of 30 years whether they think all this focus and time and energy you are still dedicating to your ex from years ago is healthy.

I can almost guarantee that if they are good friends… they will say absolutely
do not do this insane idea @JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel

Werhere · 12/07/2026 20:11

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 19:34

Yes given most of my friends I had from my marriage or 30 years plus from school I regard her very much as a new friend as it was during restart and rebuild era

I have very few, lots of acquaintances and workmates but very few close new friends

Show quote history

So is that why you’re willing to put her at risk and entangle her further still in your obsession with your ex? Because she’s a new friend?

He won’t give a damn Op. As I say… it’ll just be a story down at the pub that his ex still obsessed with him

Original poster
JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 19:34

Werhere · 12/07/2026 19:09

So not a new friend? As you described in your OP

Show quote history

Yes given most of my friends I had from my marriage or 30 years plus from school I regard her very much as a new friend as it was during restart and rebuild era

I have very few, lots of acquaintances and workmates but very few close new friends

OP posts:
ponyprincess · 12/07/2026 19:28

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 16:30

I left him over 6 years ago

last huge court case was about year ago

I have indeed moved on it’s the reason I left my home and town and Ive been busy rebuilding with the DC and this has landed on my lap and it’s too good to just drop

I’m going to listen to PP who suggested going alomg with setting the meeting then send to current side piece who lives with him

its the least they both deserve then I don’t need to think about them again 😆

thanks all

Show quote history

Please don't do this OP- you say you have moved on but this move shouts out loud you have not.

Focus on your new life and DC- he is a speck in your rear view mirror.

Onbdy · 12/07/2026 19:18

If he’s still taking up your headspace after this long I really think you need some therapy. Do not do anything as you’ll just look obsessed.

Error404FucksNotFound · 12/07/2026 19:18

I would and I wouldn't lose a wink of sleep over it.

ponyprincess · 12/07/2026 19:14

Dazedanddiscombobulated · 12/07/2026 14:10

You describe him as abusive and coercive. You have worked so hard to break clean from him and build a new life. As angry as you must feel for what he did to you, I feel like it is very risky for you to do anything now that brings your past life into your new life.

Your new life is clean and healthy without him, don’t sully it by having anything to do with him, even to give him a taste of his own medicine. Walk away.

Edited

This is good advice. Do we let him or her take up any of your head space. I know this is easier said than done, but it is likely better for your mental health moving forward, no matter how tempting it is
Edited typos

Werhere · 12/07/2026 19:14

I’m going to listen to PP who suggested going alomg with setting the meeting then send to current side piece who lives with him

the time and effort of all this saga. Seriously, there’s something so cheap about all this. He’s grotty. You married him. You finally divorced him. And yet here you are back in the grottiness and fanning the flames.

Werhere · 12/07/2026 19:11

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 16:30

I left him over 6 years ago

last huge court case was about year ago

I have indeed moved on it’s the reason I left my home and town and Ive been busy rebuilding with the DC and this has landed on my lap and it’s too good to just drop

I’m going to listen to PP who suggested going alomg with setting the meeting then send to current side piece who lives with him

its the least they both deserve then I don’t need to think about them again 😆

thanks all

Show quote history

You have children with him?

And you are planning on this kind of silly dramatic nonsense?

FGS move on. Get therapy

Werhere · 12/07/2026 19:09

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 18:36

She’s a very close friend-
id class her as one of my closest mates now . We had a chat such a long time ago about wedding dresses when a mutual friend was marrying annd choosing a frock , we shared pictures and I wanted to see what hers was like . She also mentioned how one of my DS’s had similar features

she told me straight away when he got in contact with her. His name is also very unusual you won’t find very many of them.

Show quote history

So not a new friend? As you described in your OP

WoahNellie · 12/07/2026 19:08

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 18:37

WHAT!??

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I agree probably best to leave it alone but

There are many groups on Facebook set up titled are we dating the same guy. Search for one in the local area.

They were created so woman could warn others of bad experiences or to check if someone they are getting serious with is also dating other people.

if his profile was to end up on one of the local groups chances are someone who knows his current partner would see it and
pass that info over

Werhere · 12/07/2026 19:08

nomas · 12/07/2026 19:02

Why endanger your friend like that? What if he takes his anger out on her? Confused

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Well exactly

but this OP’s just so desperately wants to get back at her ex that she’d take that risk.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/07/2026 19:07

Post him on prick advisor

nomas · 12/07/2026 19:02

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 16:30

I left him over 6 years ago

last huge court case was about year ago

I have indeed moved on it’s the reason I left my home and town and Ive been busy rebuilding with the DC and this has landed on my lap and it’s too good to just drop

I’m going to listen to PP who suggested going alomg with setting the meeting then send to current side piece who lives with him

its the least they both deserve then I don’t need to think about them again 😆

thanks all

Show quote history

Why endanger your friend like that? What if he takes his anger out on her? Confused

concertinacornflake · 12/07/2026 18:45

JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 18:36

She’s a very close friend-
id class her as one of my closest mates now . We had a chat such a long time ago about wedding dresses when a mutual friend was marrying annd choosing a frock , we shared pictures and I wanted to see what hers was like . She also mentioned how one of my DS’s had similar features

she told me straight away when he got in contact with her. His name is also very unusual you won’t find very many of them.

Show quote history

It might be easier on you to limit the amount you discuss your wedding dress, his name etc etc.

You could just tell people you're divorced and prefer to focus on the present.

I do understand how awful your experience was but bringing him into your present is unlikely to be helping.

Original poster
JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 18:37

WoahNellie · 12/07/2026 18:13

Post his profile on the local are we dating the same guy FB page. Say he’s asking for intimate photos is anyone else speaking to him. Can be done anonymously

WHAT!??

OP posts:
Original poster
JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel · 12/07/2026 18:36

EverMissWicklowSometimes · 12/07/2026 17:57

How does a new friend you've made in a different town even know what your ex looks like/enough about him to identify him on OLD?

She’s a very close friend-
id class her as one of my closest mates now . We had a chat such a long time ago about wedding dresses when a mutual friend was marrying annd choosing a frock , we shared pictures and I wanted to see what hers was like . She also mentioned how one of my DS’s had similar features

she told me straight away when he got in contact with her. His name is also very unusual you won’t find very many of them.

OP posts:
CurdinHenry · 12/07/2026 18:26

She might know and not care (second wives are more likely to go into things with their eyes open) and you'd look like an oaf. The only way to win is to stop involving him in your life.

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