Should I apologise to this mum?

Yes you sound very smug your DH is right. You are also totally wrong believing that all girls are really close to their families please read the multitude of Mumsnet feeds where daughters have had a terrible time growing up with their families and as adults are having a terrible time with their parents.

Unfortunately you seem to be projecting some stereotypical ideal that can sometimes exist and sometimes ( the majority of time) just doesn’t. Your comments about being able to relax because you are having a girl are quite worrying and not sure how you are going to cope when your utopia fails to materialise. How will you cope if / when your daughter decides being a mini me isn’t her idea of fun and wants to be her own person ?

In answer to your original question apologising won’t help, I’ve no doubt the mum already thinks you are slightly deranged and apologising will make it worse. I suggest you stick to non gender pregnancy discussions in future such as the importance of having a healthy child regardless of sex and consider whether you need some help for your irrational reaction to having a girl v having boys. Surely a parent wants happy, well balanced, healthy children and their sex is irrelevant.

a bit smug to a boy mum and like I was rubbing her face in it which definitely wasn’t my intention

Why do you assume she wanted a daughter and unhappy she got a son? That is a wild assumption to make. Absolutely wild.

I have a boy and a girl and neither is better than the other. I think most normal people are just happy they've got a healthy child

"I know feel super awkward about it as I think I might have come across a bit OTT about having a girl and I’m a bit worried it might have come across as a bit smug to a boy mum and like I was rubbing her face in it which definitely wasn’t my intention"

This is the weird thing to me. It's as if you think having a girl is somehow superior to having a boy, rather than it being just your own preference.

Dont apologise, I imagine the mum you were talking to doesn't want or expect an apology....I doubt she will be seeking you out for further conversations.

Unless you have had genetic testing you don’t know for certain it’s a girl - sometimes it’s hard to tell and they get it wrong

Also I know so many families where the son has stayed close and the daughter has moved away!

I have 2 boys and 2 girls - all 4 are awesome and it’s nothing to do with their gender!

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope you enjoy it and enjoy your baby.

I feel a bit daft replying with a whole other thought but it's too hot to declutter so please ignore if this sounds silly.

You said about girls staying closer to their families - is this true for you and for your wider family including your DH? Do you know anyone irl who it's not true for? Do you know if this mum you spoke to has a great relationship with her family?

You know that it's not true for everyone and some daughters are low or no contact with their mums.

If this is your first baby the other mum will probably remember that when in the first years reality often turns out a bit differently from what you expect.

I genuinely hope everything goes well for you. It doesn't sound as if you've said or done anything terrible.

If you apologise you'll make it worse. Some women prefer having boys to girls given a choice. I had a friend that always wanted a son before she actually had one. Congrats btw, exciting time no matter boy or girl.

So you want to apologise to the poor lady who only has a boy child 🤣🤣
PLEASE don't!
Congratulations OP - enjoy being a girl mum.
I mean that sincerely, despite only managing to produce a boy 😳🤣🤣

Dont say anything. Youve made a tit of yourself already and she'll be telling everyone about your interaction. Perhaps move gyms?

Yeah, it’s very weird that you seem to think having a girl is somehow superior to having a boy. And something a boy mum would be jealous of.

I understanding the desire to have a girl. I was delighted when I was having a boy. But to think one is superior to the other is just bollocks.

Anyway, I wouldn’t apologise to her, but I would calm down a notch so you don’t continue to look insane.

You say rubbing it in her face as if she’s remotely interested or offended in you having a girl. As if you have something so much better than her and worth gloating over. She probably doesn’t care one bit.

I suggest you shouldn't get pregnant if you can't relax worrying it might be a boy. All your comments are dreadful.

If she doesn't want to socialise with you it may be because of your sexist and narrow minded outdated attitudes. Although your lack of tact won't help.

By the way, my DH is far closer to his mum than I am to mine.

Edited to add - I can't believe you've come on here and posted all this nonsense like it's normal and reasonable, and the only issue is you said it to the mother of a boy. It really isn't.

yeah that is a rude (not to mention ridiculous) thing to say, sorry.

But I wouldn't apologise, mainly because from the wording you've used on here you're clearly very wedded to your unfounded stereotypes thoughts so it's likely you'll put your foot in it and say something just as bad/worse while trying to make amends.

She might give you the benefit of the doubt or she might steer clear of you, assuming that you are not her sort of person. Either way apologising is unlikely to change her view of you and might make it even worse.

She's not the leader of the mums, having one person think you're a bit of a knob is not going to make or break you and your child's social life for the next decade.

Just take it as learning and don't go into so much detail to the next person you talk to about your pregnancy/parenting.

Oh dear. Yes very cringe but you’ll only be more cringey if you try and apologise. Put it behind you and try not to focus so much on your perceived stereotypes, congratulations on your pregnancy

Pretty much what I was saying. This thread is turning into a girl bashing thread now. Makes the posters berating girls and saying 'teen girls are horrible' and I simply DREADED having a girl' no better than the OP to be honest. As I said, there's good and bad and positives and negatives to boys AND girls!

I hope this thread doesn't turn into a big daughter/girl bashing thread.

Reading what you said to the other mum I would keep a wide berth from you.

Some people may want a girl over a boy more or visa versa but you should keep it to yourself.

Giving reasons as to why a girl is better than a boy etc is horrible. That’s why I wouldn’t want to talk to you again.

In your experience maybe. Slagging off teenage girls isn’t great either though. All teenagers have the potential to be hard work - not just girls.

But that’s beside the point. If the OP is real, then I am now CERTAIN that mumsnet has gone bat shit crazy!!

You are digging a bigger hole.

Children are not closer to parents because of their gender, they develop long lasting relationships because of how they are brought up.

A little tip - if you stick your child in box regardless of sex and only allow them to develop how you want them they will break that box and throw it and you away.

Trust me as a female I do not have a close relationship with my mother because I didn’t meet her standards of what she expected from a daughter.

You need to wise up OP and get your head out of your backside your ideologies are very misplaced and will cause you no end of heartache.

Ill look forward to your update in 20 years - my daughter doesn’t speak to me.

I’m a bit worried it might have come across as a bit smug to a boy mum and like I was rubbing her face in it which definitely wasn’t my intention

This is fucking hilarious and you sound like a knob. I was terrified of having a girl.

Not in my experience!

Imagine being so pathetic your entire identity is about producing a baby with XX chromosomes
oh
and starting wind up threads on an online forum

Oh dear. I'm not sure what you can really say now though.

EDITED!

@Cringecringecringecringe Yes you did sound very smug, and no wonder you are cringeing! Why do you assume that boys will not be close to their parents when they grow up and leave home? IME and that of most people I know, an adult child staying in touch a lot (or not) is not gender specific.

As I (and others have said,) don't say anything to her.

.

This.

Oh dear, it gets worse. I’m equally close to both my adult son and daughter.

As a daughter myself, I hate to burst your bubble, but neither my sister nor I are close to our mum. My ex husband was very close to his mum.

It’s about how you are and how your relationship develops, not because you are male or female.