Should I apologise to this mum?

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 13/07/2026 14:31

Beeloux · 12/07/2026 18:34

Every single mother with only ds I know have all admitted they would have loved a dd too.

I love my ds dearly but would have also loved a dd.

I often get asked if I’ll try for a dd. My answer is no as I’m a single parent, hopefully I get a DGD.

It’s taboo to admit on mumsnet but in the majority of cases I know, my family included, paternal grandmothers always get the short straw.

Well I have no reason to lie on the internet, and my son is perfect, I don't want a daughter any more than I specifically wanted a son. I only just about wanted a child and it was far more important to me that my child was clever and didn't inherit my dyspraxia. I didn't get a choice about those things either.

My son is closer to his paternal grandparents, but I'm also not the sort of person who'll love preciously measuring out closeness if I have any grandchildren. I'll just enjoy the time spent with them and help however I can.

My only slight anxiety about sex was that if I had a girl who was stereotypically girly, that I'd struggle with helping her with that, because I'm not. But similarly I worried that if I get a sports mad boy that I'd be stuck on the edge of boring football.

But you know what? When my son bursts into the room and tells me to come and dance NOW because Baby Shark is on with all the enthusiasm of a 2am drunk whose fave song hit the club, I'm right there. I never thought I'd find it so easy to love the things your child loves.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 13/07/2026 14:06

Cringecringecringecringe · 12/07/2026 13:37

I’ve recently had the scan to find out that I’m having a girl and to say I’m thrilled is an understatement as I desperately wanted a girl and honestly would have kept going until I got one.

I was talking to a Mum at my gym before the class started who I was sure also had a daughter. She asked me if I knew what I was having and I told her I was having a girl and in my excitement I did get a bit carried away in my enthusiasm about having a girl rather than a boy.

The mum didn’t say much in reply and then the class started so I didn’t think much of it until I was in the cafe after and saw her with her child who is definitely a boy.

I know feel super awkward about it as I think I might have come across a bit OTT about having a girl and I’m a bit worried it might have come across as a bit smug to a boy mum and like I was rubbing her face in it which definitely wasn’t my intention

I was lying in bed replaying the conversation and i just keep cringing. I’m wondering if I need to apologize to her tomorrow or would it make it worse ??

There is quite a bit social side to my gym with lots of activities for mums and little ones which I know this Mum is very involved in so I really don’t want to get off on the wrong foot.

Does anyone have any advice ?

Don’t apologise, double down and be more mad next time

Dumbledora8 · 13/07/2026 13:23

bittertwisted · 12/07/2026 17:32

The problematic comment was ‘relax for the rest of pregnancy’
it goes beyond a perfectly acceptable excitement, and moves in to an active fear and disappointment in having a boy, which is unpleasant

i love my 2 nieces beyond reason, I don’t like any of the teenage girls are a nightmare comments

to actively not enjoy pregnancy until confirmed you are having a girl is a direct and deliberate negativity towards boys, not a healthy approach to pregnancy

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It actually shocks me that there are people out there like the OP. I wonder if this type of attitude has a lasting impact on the boys these type of woman raise..

no wonder there is a issue with violence against women and girls.

Enigma54 · 12/07/2026 22:44

BecauseofyouIlearntnottotrust · 12/07/2026 17:48

“I desperately wanted a girl and honestly would have kept going until I got one”

what the hell would you have done with the boys?!

Sent them packing? God alone knows. A totally unhinged comment. The mind boggles! 🤔

Katemax82 · 12/07/2026 22:41

This reminds me of mil sil. She had 2 boys, a girl then another boy. I had a boy then a girl. With my 3rd when I told her I was having a boy she pulled a "uggh" face (as in disappointment). My 4th was a boy too. I really don't mind I've got 3 sons because my daughter is such hard work

Jorge14 · 12/07/2026 22:08

Besafeeatcake · 12/07/2026 14:01

OP the issue isn’t what you said - which is cringey, ridiculous and smug.

The issue is your unbelievable attitude towards having a girl and thinking others feel this way.

Not everyone cares about having a girl. Most people just want healthy children. ‘Relax because you’re having a girl’. Are you for real?

I am embarrassed for your comments, attitude and thinking.

Edited

This

Kirbert2 · 12/07/2026 21:01

Beeloux · 12/07/2026 19:48

I was told at 21 I was most likely infertile due to only having one functioning ovary which had mostly been removed due to ovarian cystectomies and I wasn’t ovulating. So I’m very lucky to have fallen pregnant naturally.

I love my boys to eternity and wouldn’t change them for the world. Still, that doesn’t change the fact I would have also loved a girl.

Edited

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I was only able to have 1 child. I would've loved a girl if I'd had a 2nd but I also would've loved another boy too.

Springsummertime · 12/07/2026 20:41

She’ll just think you’re very strange and give you a wide birth! Your views are concerning and worrying as you’re about to become parent

motherhoodisntfortheweak · 12/07/2026 20:39

There’s nothing wrong with being excited to be having a girl- and there’s nothing wrong with being a boy mum

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/07/2026 20:37

GardenCovent · 12/07/2026 20:33

Exactly this.
It is always the same, boy mums rushing to say how hard work girls are, how they never wanted a girl and how perfect their boys are, it’s like they are trying to convince themselves and the only way the can do it is to put girls down

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Absolutely. We all love our children (except for some of the awful posters saying they prefer one child over the other or would hand a girl back 🤯😢). I can love my children without putting other people’s children down.

GardenCovent · 12/07/2026 20:33

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/07/2026 19:21

Can we have one of these threads where people don’t descend to insulting girls instead of boys? The OP is always to be disappointed they’re having a boy and some posters pipe up with how awful girls are! It’s just horrible!

Can’t we just point out how wonderful boys are without tearing down girls instead? I have two girls and one boy and they’re all equally brilliant and equally hard work. My girls could not be more different either.

Exactly this.
It is always the same, boy mums rushing to say how hard work girls are, how they never wanted a girl and how perfect their boys are, it’s like they are trying to convince themselves and the only way the can do it is to put girls down

LightningTree · 12/07/2026 19:51

Next time you see her take time to ask about her son and she’ll hopefully mention some positives you can praise.

Beeloux · 12/07/2026 19:48

Kirbert2 · 12/07/2026 19:03

I never cared either way. A girl would've been great but so would a boy and I had a boy.

I had multiple miscarriages and my son almost died. I'm just grateful to have a child at all, to be honest. I very nearly didn't.

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I was told at 21 I was most likely infertile due to only having one functioning ovary which had mostly been removed due to ovarian cystectomies and I wasn’t ovulating. So I’m very lucky to have fallen pregnant naturally.

I love my boys to eternity and wouldn’t change them for the world. Still, that doesn’t change the fact I would have also loved a girl.

bittertwisted · 12/07/2026 19:46

Beeloux · 12/07/2026 18:34

Every single mother with only ds I know have all admitted they would have loved a dd too.

I love my ds dearly but would have also loved a dd.

I often get asked if I’ll try for a dd. My answer is no as I’m a single parent, hopefully I get a DGD.

It’s taboo to admit on mumsnet but in the majority of cases I know, my family included, paternal grandmothers always get the short straw.

Nothing taboo on MN about the preference for girls. Men and boys are very actively despised, the vitriol is so strong it’s unfathomable how most of these women managed to get pregnant

I have 3 boys. I would have been very happy with a girl too,.

but not to the degree my pregnancy would be ruined by knowing I was expecting a boy. I cannot express how much I love my 3 boys, I also adore my 2 nieces and my 2 sisters

the concept of wanting either sex to the extent MN favours girls is very sad, appreciate the person you get the privilege of loving for the rest of your life

cannynotsay · 12/07/2026 19:38

Wait till she’s a preschooler lol

BeAzureRaven · 12/07/2026 19:33

Cringecringecringecringe · 12/07/2026 13:37

I’ve recently had the scan to find out that I’m having a girl and to say I’m thrilled is an understatement as I desperately wanted a girl and honestly would have kept going until I got one.

I was talking to a Mum at my gym before the class started who I was sure also had a daughter. She asked me if I knew what I was having and I told her I was having a girl and in my excitement I did get a bit carried away in my enthusiasm about having a girl rather than a boy.

The mum didn’t say much in reply and then the class started so I didn’t think much of it until I was in the cafe after and saw her with her child who is definitely a boy.

I know feel super awkward about it as I think I might have come across a bit OTT about having a girl and I’m a bit worried it might have come across as a bit smug to a boy mum and like I was rubbing her face in it which definitely wasn’t my intention

I was lying in bed replaying the conversation and i just keep cringing. I’m wondering if I need to apologize to her tomorrow or would it make it worse ??

There is quite a bit social side to my gym with lots of activities for mums and little ones which I know this Mum is very involved in so I really don’t want to get off on the wrong foot.

Does anyone have any advice ?

I wouldn't give it another thought. Some people are super excited to be having one sex, others are super excited to be having the other. Some parents honestly don't have a preference. I was super excited for my boy and thrilled when my little girl came along next. For all you know, that mom had been hoping for a boy. If she hadn't, that doesn't in any way mean you are not allowed to be excited about your girl.

aCatCalledFawkes · 12/07/2026 19:32

Cringecringecringecringe · 12/07/2026 14:01

Well I mainly I was just saying that I feel I can just relax and enjoy pregnancy / motherhood now that I know for certain I’m
having a girl.

But I did also say about how much closer girls are with their family as adults. That’s more the big I’m worried about as when I told my husband he said that sounded smug

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I'm so fed up of the "lucky to have one of each". It so boring after a while.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/07/2026 19:21

Can we have one of these threads where people don’t descend to insulting girls instead of boys? The OP is always to be disappointed they’re having a boy and some posters pipe up with how awful girls are! It’s just horrible!

Can’t we just point out how wonderful boys are without tearing down girls instead? I have two girls and one boy and they’re all equally brilliant and equally hard work. My girls could not be more different either.

ZanyPoet · 12/07/2026 19:14

Beeloux · 12/07/2026 18:34

Every single mother with only ds I know have all admitted they would have loved a dd too.

I love my ds dearly but would have also loved a dd.

I often get asked if I’ll try for a dd. My answer is no as I’m a single parent, hopefully I get a DGD.

It’s taboo to admit on mumsnet but in the majority of cases I know, my family included, paternal grandmothers always get the short straw.

on MN , the majority of posters hate anything male.

In real life, all I heard is people saying that they'd love at least one of each, so when they had boys they would like a girl, but when they had girls, they would like a boy too. Nothing deeper than that.

Givemeachaitealatte · 12/07/2026 19:12

This is weird. Why do you think she cares? I have a boy and a girl - I find parents who desperately want a child of one sex a bit strange as I honestly didn't care. They are human beings not mini mum/dad and it only leads to disappointment when they inevitably turn out differently to what you imagined.

Congratulations though OP.

Kirbert2 · 12/07/2026 19:03

Beeloux · 12/07/2026 18:34

Every single mother with only ds I know have all admitted they would have loved a dd too.

I love my ds dearly but would have also loved a dd.

I often get asked if I’ll try for a dd. My answer is no as I’m a single parent, hopefully I get a DGD.

It’s taboo to admit on mumsnet but in the majority of cases I know, my family included, paternal grandmothers always get the short straw.

I never cared either way. A girl would've been great but so would a boy and I had a boy.

I had multiple miscarriages and my son almost died. I'm just grateful to have a child at all, to be honest. I very nearly didn't.

pootlingalong5 · 12/07/2026 19:03

Beeloux · 12/07/2026 18:34

Every single mother with only ds I know have all admitted they would have loved a dd too.

I love my ds dearly but would have also loved a dd.

I often get asked if I’ll try for a dd. My answer is no as I’m a single parent, hopefully I get a DGD.

It’s taboo to admit on mumsnet but in the majority of cases I know, my family included, paternal grandmothers always get the short straw.

It’s a constant theme on MN. 99% of the gender disappointment threads are because the op has found out they’re having a boy not a girl. And it’s almost always because of the same old boring stereotypes such as being closer to their mums, shared interests, pretty dresses etc. It’s idiotic.

maxslice · 12/07/2026 18:40

Pretty sure she doesn’t think you’re smug, she thinks you’re clueless. Honestly, all this disappointment and angst about having boy children is weird and saddening. Grow TFU.

mynameiscalypso · 12/07/2026 18:38

Beeloux · 12/07/2026 18:34

Every single mother with only ds I know have all admitted they would have loved a dd too.

I love my ds dearly but would have also loved a dd.

I often get asked if I’ll try for a dd. My answer is no as I’m a single parent, hopefully I get a DGD.

It’s taboo to admit on mumsnet but in the majority of cases I know, my family included, paternal grandmothers always get the short straw.

Not me. I have one boy and that is absolutely perfect for me. I can’t imagine being a mum to a girl although I have two nieces who I think are super cool. But nope, no desire whatsoever for a girl. And my brother is far closer to my mum than I am.

Timeforanothernamechange3 · 12/07/2026 18:36

Meh, I have two boys and would have liked a girl. It's a very small thing, I'm grateful to have two healthy kids. So this wouldn't have caused major offence at all. I might have thought you were a bit weird. I think sometimes people want girls because they want a best friend and it's a bit too much pressure for the child, or they want a child who is very similar to them, and of course you have no idea how a girl will turn out.