To refuse to lend DS £1,200 when he's still booked to go on holiday?

I feel really sorry for your DS.
It sounds like he’s trying but he just struggles.
School is not for everyone.
Apprenticeships can also be incredibly tough, especially for those who also struggle academically.

Does he want to continue with an apprenticeship?
Can he change into doing something different?
I would be helping him try and get another one more suited to him, or even going back to college.

I would not be lending him the full amount as you don’t want the gf to think you’re made of money.

However, she does need money for his child and the children are suffering because he’s lost his apprenticeship.

I would tell him you can’t afford the full amount but can lend him £500.

Oh yeah, I get that. But if mum chucked him out and he had to live there and she couldn't claim the benefits any more, then she'd get tough about him working, surely?

Or not let him move in.

Oh yeah, I get that. But if mum chucked him out and he had to live there and she couldn't claim the benefits any more, then she'd get tough about him working, surely?

@Elsvieta don't think it's a case of girlfriend not tolerating him not working it's a case of if on paper he was living there it would change things universal credit wise so it's a benefit fraud tactic not declaring

I doubt most 21 year olds who have sex with 15 year olds are prosecuted.

I can't believe what I am reading...a 15 year old was groomed by a 21 year old into having a sexual relationship, and social services, school and the police did nothing?

Surely a 15 year old cannot consent to have sex with a 21/22 year old? How was she not prosecuted?

I feel sorry for this lad. He's been abused by this woman and now there is a poor baby in the whole mess.

Don't give him any money.
Yes, grandchildren will be disappointed, but that's because their parents didn't think about them in the first place. If they were old enough to have a child, they should be responsible enough to provide for them. It's not your job to fund your grandkids' holidays, when they have parents who should be thinking about it.

I can't believe what I am reading...a 15 year old was groomed by a 21 year old into having a sexual relationship, and social services, school and the police did nothing?

Surely a 15 year old cannot consent to have sex with a 21/22 year old? How was she not prosecuted?

I feel sorry for this lad. He's been abused by this woman and now there is a poor baby in the whole mess.

I suppose I was thinking that when you're not working childcare is a luxury not an essential which you can either afford or not.

Don't have have ascess to funded hours?

I don't know what to do for the best as whatever I do frrls wrong
It's been a nightmare few years (probably 4) with DS and I thought we were through the other side but now I don't know

It's too long to list but something changed and he didn't care about his behaviour or school, he wasn't ever academic and was much better at practical type lessons but he was well behaved up until then but he seemed to enjoy being the class cleon and no matter what punishment he got he didn't care and in fact found it funny. He was also fixated on girls and I spoke to him multiple times about how he was treating them but that didn't go in either

When he was 16 announced he had a gf and she was pregnant but was cagy and defensive about other details and told me to stop questioning him. In the end it turned out he was lying and on a dating app and his gf was 22, she apparently knew his real age and didn't mind which I didn't believe but it later turned our that it was true.

She already had a child and ds seemed to have taken on the father role for both children. I know people will judge me especially because of the age gap but I didn't know what to do and if I went all in with anger and disapproval it would have just pushed him away when we didn't have the best relationship as it was. He’d just turned 16 and I found out about 2 months before she gave birth and he would have been 15 when baby was conceived and I did call his school and tried to speak to safeguarding as he was under the age of consent but nothing really was done and he ended up failing his gcses

He spent a year doing nothing pretty much apart from the bare minimum at college but his attendance was atrocious, he gave up rugby and he spent most of his time with her and if not in his room

Then last year he got an apprenticeship in carpentry and he seemed to enjoy it and I thought great, I bought him decent boots, gave him lifts on the odd few occasions he needed me to if the buses were unreliable due to the weather or something, lend him money if he was short until payday etc. And it was going great but he ended up losing it a few weeks ago die to health and safety, there wasn't a huge incident it was a bunch of things and his bosses were probably more patient than some would've been but he threw it back into their faces

He’d been spoken to multiple times about not having the right gear, taking shortcuts, climbing where he shouldn't, stupid little things that he shouldve known better for. According to him everyone else did it but whether they did or not is here nor there as they kept warning him until they'd had enough. He's convinced they just wanted rid of him and are using this as an excuse

Since then, he says he's applied for a few jobs but then circles back and says there's no jobs anyway. He's back to spending most his time in his room or with his gf even during weekdays when the children are at school or nursery as his gf doesn't work dur to a health condition. I've always been polite to her for my grandchild's sake but I don't agree with the choices they make

He still lives here officially and came home yesterday and asked me to lend him money, apparently £1,200 for his gf as she needs it for bills and there's some issue with child maintenance for the older child's dad, he kept saying it was only temporary and he/she would pay me back, I said no and he's turned it on me saying I don't care and he's weaponsing contact with the grandchildren now

The thing is, I could potentially do it but i’d be stretched but the reason I said no was because in a few weeks he's booked to go to Italy with her and the children, he booked it using his government trust fund he got at 18, which I told him to be careful with but no he knows best and booked a holiday

I mentioned it yesterday and he said it's different as it's already been booked and the children are excited and I can't tell him to upset a 5 and 2 year old by csncelling and they'd lose some money anyway. They've never been abroad and want to make memories etc (which they could do here and go next year or when they have more money)

I'm not made of money but I'm careful because I have to be and I do have money put away for emergencies like car repairs or things like that. He's barely spoken to me and apparently I'm unsupportive. I've mentioned jobs again and he said he'll look properly after their holiday but repeated there's no jobs anywhere

If he'd actually been looking and cancelled id maybe I wouldn't have hesitated but he isn't helping himself or anyone But he's accused of me making the children suffer but I don't see how I am

AIBU for refusing?

It’s £1200 £100 a month versus not having a relationship with your son and your grandchildren ? I spend more than that getting my nails done and you probably waste 100 quid quite happily on another stuff that you don’t need. Just give the kid the money.

We have a son of a similar age, behaving worse than yours and we realise the we have been too soft and enabling him. You know your son, I don’t, but just my two Penneth.

The kid is now a father of 2.

As you believe in subsidising men, inbox the OP for his details a d send him your nail money.