Page 2 | To feel daft for thinking he liked me (no reply!)

ScullyD · 2026-07-12T10:27:28+00:00

Without going into detail, I’ve been working on a major production over summer. I befriended several of the team including an actor. at first I just thought lovely guy, we would walk to work together sometimes and hit it off (for the record he’s not famous yet but up and coming). I thought he might like me but I wasn’t sure until my final days on set I noticed he was putting out feelers with affection and flirting. I hadn’t seen him doing this with others. Finally at the wrap party we were chatting and he asked if I’d wait for him while he collected his things from the dressing room. I did and we left together but I then had to catch the last train. I asked to take his details to stay in touch and he said yes he would give me his number which he then put in my phone. I messaged something light hearted a couple of days ago and nothing! I just feel a bit silly. I usually won’t message unless I’m sure there’s something and he’s the first guy I’ve felt anything for after my break up.

Original poster

ScullyD · 13/07/2026 17:24

Bonkers1966 · 13/07/2026 17:23

Don't jump to respond or send a thumbs up 😎

I won’t!

OP posts:

Original poster

ScullyD · 13/07/2026 17:23

@Fiendishandfiery a bit but I know that wasn’t the dynamic between us in person. I was commenting on his reviews to be fair.

im not sure, he didn’t have to chat about our mutual interests and say he ‘really’ enjoyed our chats. I felt like maybe he was feeling out how I felt about him by saying that. But maybe it was just a warm yet polite response.

OP posts:

Bonkers1966 · 13/07/2026 17:23

Don't jump to respond or send a thumbs up 😎

Fiendishandfiery · 13/07/2026 17:21

ScullyD · 13/07/2026 17:16

He replied today on his afternoon off.

didn’t ask me out but said he’d really enjoyed our conversations, mentioned a shared interest, asked if I got home ok and thanked me for being supportive. I don’t know if there’s potential or not but the messages were thoughtful and not just two words.

Ok he knows it would be akward, so just let it go now. I’d not respond. Or give it a few days and then respond and say something like any time

the supportive but makes you sound like he’s responding to a fan

Original poster

ScullyD · 13/07/2026 17:16

He replied today on his afternoon off.

didn’t ask me out but said he’d really enjoyed our conversations, mentioned a shared interest, asked if I got home ok and thanked me for being supportive. I don’t know if there’s potential or not but the messages were thoughtful and not just two words.

OP posts:

birdsintrees · 12/07/2026 18:52

Showmance

TheZanyScroller · 12/07/2026 18:49

Sherararara · 12/07/2026 12:58

So he send you signals and flirts the entire time of the production with no result. He takes one last stab on the final night and literally asks you to wait for him and you…say sorry I’ve got an important meeting and a train to catch. If I was him and I received your txt id be like “bit late now love”. Sorry but you had every opportunity and you blew it.

What has OP missed out exactly? a ONS? If he doesn't reply to her message then it would be obvious a ONS is what HE was looking for but OP isn't as she has confirmed.

Original poster

ScullyD · 12/07/2026 18:11

@EgregiouslyOverdressed I have but not on a production of this size. I think this is his first major production too - the reviews have been hugely complimentary of him so far so I think he’s on the up.

Yes it has crossed my mind we may cross paths again before long and it might be awkward. He’s the one that didn’t respond so I’d likely be civil and leave it at that. He will have his reasons - maybe he did just want an ONS. I’m new to his world and can’t pretend to understand everything he’s thinking and feeling.

for me, I’ve had an amazing experience overall. So hopefully I can hold onto that and try not to feel too down trodden. I heard from one of his cast mates yesterday (a woman) so clearly some others are keen to keep in touch.

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EgregiouslyOverdressed · 12/07/2026 17:26

Have you worked with actors before, OP? I worked in the industry in my twenties. It's hard to wrap your head around at first but after a while you realise that the structure of their work affects how many actors approach their relationships. When they are working, they do a series of short-to-medium term jobs which can be very intense indeed, and within this they form relationships which can be equally intense - both platonic and romantic. Some of these relationships will stick long-term after the job is over but the majority don't, largely because maintaining that many connections would be a full-time job in itself! It doesn't mean that the connection that you made wasn't genuine or authentic - it may well have been - but many actors tend to get very good at forming intense connections and then walking away from them in a way that can feel almost callous to 'civilians'. I think pp are correct that he was hoping something might happen after the wrap party, and I suspect that if he wanted to maintain a connection with you then you would probably have heard from him by now.

Please be very kind to yourself. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about if you bump into him in the future. The first connection that you feel after a heartbreak is particularly tender and you might look back and be glad that it didn't go any further before you could get hurt

Spongecakehouse · 12/07/2026 16:39

You sound great op. Life is on the up!

Original poster

ScullyD · 12/07/2026 15:58

seventeenofsumday · 12/07/2026 14:58

Honestly I wish I had your balls, I place too much of my self worth on how others perceive me and that's given me a lifetime of shit in some ways!! You've worked hard to get to this point and regardless of the outcome it's only a positive in how you've handled it all. If it was me honestly I'd have gone back with the guy, then probably never heard from him again and be so gutted with myself for doing it thinking that's what I needed to do to get him interested. It's not healthy and I hope to one day be in a place I can approach things in your style!!

Show quote history

that’s very kind thank you. It’s taken a lot of work. Ten years ago I would likely have gone home with him. Not in a bad way but I did a few casual liaisons back then - all I wanted to have and without major commitment.

but if I’d gone home with him this time I’d have 1) missed an important meeting for my career and 2) possibly ruined my reputation. Neither worth it. And also he seemed like relationship material to me so I didn’t just fancy ONS - but perhaps not as an up and coming actor as others mentioned!

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seventeenofsumday · 12/07/2026 14:58

ScullyD · 12/07/2026 13:12

@seventeenofsumday thank you, it means a lot to hear someone say that. I had therapy after my break up and now I think it helped in ways I didn’t recognise right away.

im not spiralling. It would just be nice to connect with him more and it has given me a boost to start dating again. I know I’m ready because of this.

Honestly I wish I had your balls, I place too much of my self worth on how others perceive me and that's given me a lifetime of shit in some ways!! You've worked hard to get to this point and regardless of the outcome it's only a positive in how you've handled it all. If it was me honestly I'd have gone back with the guy, then probably never heard from him again and be so gutted with myself for doing it thinking that's what I needed to do to get him interested. It's not healthy and I hope to one day be in a place I can approach things in your style!!

Savoretti · 12/07/2026 14:06

When did you message him?

wizzywig · 12/07/2026 13:27

Why would you feel silly for being you? You aren't at fault. Noone is. But you now know what he would be like as a mate once when you arent working together

HRTQueen · 12/07/2026 13:26

you will have likely done this to someone in the past and they were interested in you and they will have too, it’s how life is don’t analyse the situation or try to complicate it you are only making yourself feel worse

liking someone and being interested in someone is two different feelings sometimes when it’s not reciprocated it’s hurts/it’s embarrassing and so on we all go through it, we all get past it and we all have those cringe why did I moments

SL2924 · 12/07/2026 13:24

At least you didn’t sleep with him

Original poster

ScullyD · 12/07/2026 13:12

@seventeenofsumday thank you, it means a lot to hear someone say that. I had therapy after my break up and now I think it helped in ways I didn’t recognise right away.

im not spiralling. It would just be nice to connect with him more and it has given me a boost to start dating again. I know I’m ready because of this.

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Italiangreyhound · 12/07/2026 13:12

Never feel silly for your emotions. They are valid.

pinkdelight · 12/07/2026 13:02

Sherararara · 12/07/2026 12:58

So he send you signals and flirts the entire time of the production with no result. He takes one last stab on the final night and literally asks you to wait for him and you…say sorry I’ve got an important meeting and a train to catch. If I was him and I received your txt id be like “bit late now love”. Sorry but you had every opportunity and you blew it.

Only blew the chance for a ONS and potential upset after so no great loss. Much better to have got the work offer from the woman she impressed and not give this guy another thought. There'll be plenty more flirtations down the line, better to enjoy them for what they are and stay focused on the professional side.

Sherararara · 12/07/2026 12:58

So he send you signals and flirts the entire time of the production with no result. He takes one last stab on the final night and literally asks you to wait for him and you…say sorry I’ve got an important meeting and a train to catch. If I was him and I received your txt id be like “bit late now love”. Sorry but you had every opportunity and you blew it.

seventeenofsumday · 12/07/2026 12:56

I think you have a very refreshing attitude op. You didn't go and shag him then feel shit about it after, you were bold and direct and took a shot and you're not spiralling about him not replying, you're naturally hopeful he replies but also not thinking it's an issue with you or regretting going for it, that's the right attitude to have and honestly I think it shows you respect yourself and are very grounded and confident. I do hope he replies but if not keep holding ya head high.

Original poster

ScullyD · 12/07/2026 12:50

seaskysand · 12/07/2026 12:44

i would say you should be really pleased with yourself to be honest - others would have fallen in too deep and potentially been a ONS - that would be even more embarrassing / undermining if you wanted more - so give yourself a pat on the back !!

thank you! I know, I’m pretty sure I could’ve slept with him that night but I didn’t just want that hit and run (so to speak!)

@pinkdelight at the party I was also offered another opportunity on a production from one of the women I impressed. I don’t know that would still be possible if they later found out I’d shagged this guy that same night. So I think you’re right - I was right to put career first.

lets just hope there will be some love in my future again at some point too.

OP posts:

seaskysand · 12/07/2026 12:44

i would say you should be really pleased with yourself to be honest - others would have fallen in too deep and potentially been a ONS - that would be even more embarrassing / undermining if you wanted more - so give yourself a pat on the back !!

Arregaithel · 12/07/2026 12:38

ScullyD · 12/07/2026 12:22

@BillieWiper well he might. It’s not illegal as we haven’t even been on a date yet.

I’ll leave it until tomorrow and then mentally decide to move on. At least I have my spark back and was bold enough to ask, has to be a win right? 🙂

"bold enough to ask, has to be a win right" absolutely @ScullyD.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained and nothing to stop you, now you have your spark back 🔥

mondaytosunday · 12/07/2026 12:36

@OrsinoAndOliviaif his decision about a possible relationship was based on sleeping together that night then he’s hardly worth it! And if it was going to be (more likely) a one night stand then the OP would be even more hurt than now!
OP fine to ask for his number and fine you texted. He didn’t ask for yours - telling. I think he probably was after a one night stand and as you were not going to be available for that there was no point. He may prove me wrong but that’s my take on it.