To feel daft for thinking he liked me (no reply!)

I used to work in the film industry and its just a really flaky world. On set or location for long hours you feel so close to people, like they could be your best friends or family but in reality unless you work with them again you'll never speak to them. Its just a weird world to be in. On top of that we can all misread the vibes and I think many of us can recall a time we thought there was something between you and someone and they just didn't see it that way. Couple that with the on set intensity and its not surprising you got the wrong end of the stick. Having said all that he could still message you back but if not don't feel daft.

Sadly this is true. He knows perfectly well you’re interested in him and you did a brave thing by reaching out and initiating contact. This time it didn’t work out but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again with someone else.

This, I think you’ve fallen into that trap, that we all have ar some point, where the simple fact he’s responded and been nice has got you all excited and thinking he must want to have something with you. But reading it cold. It doesn’t appear the case. This posters response is a good one.

You did nothing wrong! You are completely fine.

I suspect the guy wanted to get your details in case he fancied some light hearted fun? In any case, bin him. He did not reply straight away - he might message you later on putting feelers out to get some casual sex. Just ignore. He likes you but not enough for anything serious.

Sorry OP, he’s just not that into you. But he’s polite and a nice guy. You never know if paths cross again and you both feel a spark. But for now I’d reply with “it was great spending time with you. Good luck for the show” etc or similar.

Who suggested just doing the thumbs up that's brutal 😂😂😭😭 agree with playing it cool but thumbs up on its own no!!!

I would take my mind completely off him and read a few good books, chat to friends and family, keep up with your usual activities.

It seems there wasn’t a conversation about what you are both looking for? if I were you, I’d make a list of qualities in a man worth the effort of entering into a new relationship for.

I feel you may still be feeling vulnerable from the previous break up. Sending you positive regards OP.

I'm SUCH a believer in "If he wanted to, he would".

More so with every year of my life that goes by.

I once houseshared with a man who was crippled with social anxiety, he could barely leave the house. Even he pursued the girl he fancied.

(Edit: happy ending because they got married)

It sounds like you’re just an honest, straightforward person with no agenda. In my experience, it’s very common for men in these environments to be players. It sounds like he doesn’t want to pursue it, based on his text. Of course he might be trying to be extra polite but you took his number, he didn’t ask for yours, and his response has been polite and noncommittal. Call me cynical but i genuinely believe if you’ve both felt a connection, and are BOTH genuine, agenda-free, straightforward people, you’d both be like ‘yeah that sounds great, let’s get together’, and honestly that’s what it SHOULD be like. I would just let this guy ponder. You don’t need to chase a guy who gives you crumbs.

Quire right too! And given your career pivot - you should treat dating like auditions - see which prospective leading men are good enough for the part!

Whoever does the running in seeking to turn a flirtation into something more - ie is the one to ask to exchange numbers - that person needs to be truly, truly ok and at peace with not getting the response they hoped for.

I think this is a classic case of ‘If he wanted to, he would’. A lot of people on here saying ‘Oh he’s probably been busy’, or ‘Message him again’, but that just doesn’t tend to be how straight guys work, when it’s a woman they are really into and want a relationship with.

If you’d given him a fractionally-lingering hug and a kiss on the cheek, said goodbye and got on the last train without exchanging details, you would have found out pretty soon if he was genuinely interested in being with you, to the extent of actually making an effort.

I have noticed (both in life and on MN threads) that when a couple is together because the woman asked the guy out in the first place, or when the woman proposes, it is often the case that the relationship / marriage is subsequently characterised by very little ongoing effort from the chap. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m not saying it should be like this, just that it often is.

I’m glad you are feeling more confident OP. Wishing you all the best for the future.

Ah op i feel for you. Honestly it sounds like he’s being polite but isn’t interested. I’d just leave it tbh. As you say your paths may well cross again and this way, you’ve maintained dignity and professionalism. In my experience if they’re keen, it shows, and if he’s playing it cool (ie playing mind games) then there’s no point getting involved with that batshittery! Onwards and upwards and best of luck with the next production. These environments are absolute hothouses for these kind of encounters and a run of a few weeks can feel like you’ve developed a lifelong bond.

Yes being bold and having your spark back is a double win - honestly it can be a minefield navigating dating no matter how long you've been doing it! Onwards and upwards - friends is a great place to start. Good luck!

Ahh. Didn’t see update. Personally, I would treat him the way I would want to be treated. No game playing. So I would respond that it’s great to hear from him and if he was free any time soon would he fancy a catch up?

You gave it a try and it’s still early days. He may be super busy but even if he isn’t and that’s the last you see of him at least you aren’t thinking “what if”.

Ok he didn’t ask you out and he could easily have said let’s catch up over a drink ,

give it a few days and send something light. Or put yourself out your misery and ask him out.

At best you’ve been friend zoned. But it does sound like a ‘nice talking to you, all the best’ and he’s moved on.

Good woman. Onwards and upwards. 😘