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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave DH family WhatsApp group?

56 replies

IslaWhitey · 12/07/2026 11:17

To leave DH’s family WhatsApp group?

Just to reduce my own admin / phone admin which is getting too much.

No specific drama or anything.

I would explain they can go via DH re future family arrangements, (and obviously contact me directly should they still wish to speak to me specifically)

DH is not on my family WhatsApp and I’m getting fed up with being the “organiser” for stuff with his side of the family. I’ve only tolerated it this long for DC benefit of seeing cousins.

OP posts:
HammyHocky · 12/07/2026 14:38

Mute it and archive it, then you won’t see it unless some @ you.

Bride2bbbbb · 12/07/2026 14:17

Just mute it OP

DPs family have one, I’m on it. I have had occasions where my smart phone would be constantly flashing and vibrating during meetings whilst they were talking about god knows what utter nonsense - usually just a lot of jokes - but distracting for me as I keep my phone on silent permanently now and again having notifications of kids schools or indeed kids contacting me is required to be picked up sometimes quickly

So I muted it and it’s been muted for around a year. I get no notifications of anything but can pop on if there is anything for me to say to all of them - happy birthday messages or yes we will be at x’s party etc

Loubissou · 12/07/2026 12:57

Mute and archive it then learn self discipline. Tell husband it is his job to keep on top of. Anything else will just cause unnecessary family drama. And you will end up with bazillion individual chats and people triangulating to you, then back to the group etc.

ElsieTannersCoat · 12/07/2026 12:37

WhatsApp doesn’t notify others when someone leaves a group anymore. So if you’re doing it for effect, don’t bother.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 12/07/2026 12:00

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 12/07/2026 11:47

Yeah just mute it.

I love how it's considered 'admin' though 🤣

For in laws, it's definitely admin!

But it can also come down to personalities.

I have a friend who likes to decide how busy we all are and allocate a bunch of invented tasks to whoever she deems the least busy.

And another friend who likes to develop an itinerary for every meet up.

My personal approach is date, accommodation, travel, work it out spontaneously. So yeah, shoot me, it feels like homework when people are coordinating outfits and sequences of bars to visit.

pizzaHeart · 12/07/2026 11:59

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 12/07/2026 11:20

Its obvs going to ruffle some feathers if you leave the group. I'd be tempted to stay but @ your DH in the group everytime there's a task to be done. Makes it clear you aren't taking on the responsibility for it.

And tell your DH to step up with his family's demands.

This ^

Aluna · 12/07/2026 11:55

Send a link to DH to join so you can leave. If he doesn’t, leave yourself.

onmylastnerveseriously · 12/07/2026 11:50

Mute and archive

Flamingojune · 12/07/2026 11:49

LTB?

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 12/07/2026 11:47

Yeah just mute it.

I love how it's considered 'admin' though 🤣

Gentlydoesit2 · 12/07/2026 11:45

Just mute

KitsyWitsy · 12/07/2026 11:44

Archive then ignore it. Leaving will make a statement and might cause unnecessary problems.

rwalker · 12/07/2026 11:44

Careful what you wish for
it’s alright saying to DH he’s in charge which is fine but then don’t expect him to run everything past you for approval
at least if your in control you can pick and choose more

godmum56 · 12/07/2026 11:43

IslaWhitey · 12/07/2026 11:19

Tried muting it but I keep checking

then get a grip

godmum56 · 12/07/2026 11:42

If your DH is on the group, why do you need to be?

Harrietsaunt · 12/07/2026 11:40

I would post before you leave saying “just to let you know, DH and I have decided that going forward, he won’t be in my family WA and I won’t be in his, just so we can both reduce our SM traffic a bit. Didn’t want anyone to think they had upset me. This isn’t a flounce 😆”

SockPlant · 12/07/2026 11:31

just archive the group, learn not to check notifications, tell DH to arrange everything with his side, don't suggest they contact you if they want anything, that way it will be worse than being in the group

Eddielizzard · 12/07/2026 11:27

Do it. Leave the group. For years I was like you, toeing the line, being the go-to. In my case, the ILs didn't make much effort with me, basically just using me as admin / host / enjoying the presents and cards I organised but not acknowledging me or reciprocating. Then I thought fuck it, not doing that anymore and stopped. I am quite happy to be seen as difficult.

Interestingly they've started making more of an effort. So overall things have improved vastly.

Do it and don't worry about the fall out. There may be murmurings but say your DH is dealing with that. It'll soon stop

Carrotsandgrapes · 12/07/2026 11:23

I wouldn't leave - that's potentially going to make you look bad, whereas really it's your DH who should look bad. Just mute or archive it. Go on every so often to like a baby photo or join in happy birthday messages etc.

Then stop organising anything with DH's family and tell him it's up him from now on.

If anyone from his family asks, just say you've both decided he'll organise stuff with his fam, and you'll organise stuff with yours.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 12/07/2026 11:22

CruCru · 12/07/2026 11:21

Sounds fair enough. The problem with muting it is that people will still post on there and expect you to see the stuff. Could you say something like “I’m trying to cut back on my use of WhatsApp so am leaving all groups. Please message DH or me directly”.

whilst I agree with this it might not stop them messaging you directly /with things for you to organise.....still prefer a public bouncing of the job to your DH!

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 12/07/2026 11:22

Just archive at and don't respond.

DixonD · 12/07/2026 11:22

Archive it. Or put it in locked chats and then you won’t even get notifications

Esmeraldathe3rd · 12/07/2026 11:22

I archived it. So it's just somewhere else but I haven't left as far as anyone is concerned.

CruCru · 12/07/2026 11:21

Sounds fair enough. The problem with muting it is that people will still post on there and expect you to see the stuff. Could you say something like “I’m trying to cut back on my use of WhatsApp so am leaving all groups. Please message DH or me directly”.

Gardenisablooming · 12/07/2026 11:21

My ils never had my mobile number.
<shudders at thought >