Wedding money how much?

@MeetMeOnTheCornerdo tell what the tat was? it’s probably languishing unsold in a charity shop

If the ‘rule’ is to cover the cost of your meal then I think maybe five of the 120 people that came to my wedding did that! We chose an expensive venue and good food (can’t remember the per meal cost) and had free drinks all night. We paid (or my DH did) for 70% of the wedding. We appreciated any gifts we received and the only time I though ‘huh’ was when a very wealthy friend of my parents gave us a wooden salad serving bowl (£20), rather than the set which would have been about £50.
People, should they give a gift, should give what they can afford. If that’s £20 or £200 that’s up to them. As there are four of you and you are a godmother and close to the mother I think £200-250, if you can afford that, is fine. My two sisters went to a wedding of a cousin’s son. They know the cousin well but not his son particularly. The wedding was more budget conscious than your godchild’s (on a weekday etc), and my sisters gave £350, because they thought the couple would really appreciate it and find it useful. And they could afford to.

£100 is plenty

I was removed from a thread by MN HQ for saying wedding couples don’t want tat. Against the rules to be so unkind to the poster who wanted to give the “amazing gift” apparently. I won’t say what it was but ultimate tat!

@KitchenColourandstyle Most ventures that are not all inclusive just post hire prices. Only people who know about weddings have much idea of the full price. However mentioning it when someone is asking about a gift is pretty low.

@Liberancho agreed, the weird ‘it’s grifting/begging’ sorry Susan nobody wants your tat you’ve decided on for a gift.

Extraordinarily vulgar to share the catering costs with the guests.

We'd probably give £250 as a family, regardless of whether the catering was a hog roast or Michelin starred. To be fair, we'd probably give slightly more to the couple who were giving a hog roast/buffet in a church hall.

I can never get my head around it when people say you should cover your plate etc. The couple are choosing to have the wedding why should guests be expected to pay for a part of it. Just my view.
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I always give £50 as a gift. £100 if it’s a very close family member.
Do what ever you feel comfortable doing @narcASD and only what you can afford. £200 is more than lovely.

Crass to share cost per head with any guest IMO.

Though nothing wrong with requesting cash. 🙄 at the grabby comments. It is 2026 people!

OP, give what you can reasonably afford. If that is 200 then that is fine.

I think your plan of £200 sounds perfect.

Also, it’s not begging or grifting, it’s useful rather than unwanted tat. What an odd attitude.

I’m being judgemental because a couple who request cash gifts have you deciding oh no I don’t approve; turning up with an unwanted gift is a waste of money and fobbing them off with something they don’t want or need.
No need to bulldoze your way through life, just go along with a request.

I think you’re being rude & judgemental over my personal opinion! Asking for cash has always been begging or grifting in my book!

But £50 pounds is only 'mean' if you have enough money to easily give £50. If it means you will be going without in order to give it £50 is actually very generous.

I wanted everyone I care about at my wedding, not just those that could afford to pay for my choices. We provided food, booze, transport and even paid for accommodation for several people who might have struggled otherwise because they were our guests, not cash cows.

Give what you can. If you like them be generous if not just give a respectable amount you can afford. Not your fault they chose an expensive meal.

£100 is our usual. £150 would be more than adequate. 200 generous. Give what you can afford

How tacky of your cousin to tell you how much the meal was costing, or to inflate it. I've been to many posh venues and don't believe any of them charged £230 for a child's meal.

As I always say, give what you can happily afford, if that is £50 so be it, if it's £10 so be it.
You most certainly do not have to 'cover your plate' or whatever the awful term is. If they are happy to pay a small fortune for their wedding, that is entirely their decision, you do not have to follow suit.

@MermaidmusingNo, long time since I married my late DH, if you grudge the outlay of attending a wedding just don’t go.
I think £50 for a family of four is on the mean side, I’m in Scotland and everybody is generous with gifts at weddings, christenings etc

You know nothing about me. I’m not remotely tight. I assume from your rude responses on this thread that you are/have been a recent bride who thinks you’re entitled to a wad of cash from every guest.

I’m going to a friend’s wedding next month. 3 hours drive away and in middle of nowhere so requires an overnight stay at the venue: £130; outfit cost £140; petrol will be £50. So that’s over £300 already. Wtf should I fund their honeymoon on top? Didn’t ask to be invited but friend would be offended if I didn’t go. If they can’t afford a wedding, they don’t need to have one. They already have 2 kids, they are not a young couple setting up home. I will give a token amount.

Most people do not have £300 to throw away on attending a wedding, let alone adding a big cash gift on top.

£50 is absolutely fine. Some of the suggestions on this thread are wild! Remember you don’t usually hand over cash either, there’s usually a ‘honeymoon fund’ to pay into which I find much less embarrassing.

For all those saying it’s fine to ask for money, because most couples already have a home etc, I would say this: if they already have their life and home set up, why exactly do they ‘need’ cash handouts from friends & family? Have a wedding or don’t; have a honeymoon or don’t, but bloody well pay for it yourselves and only invite guests if you can afford to feed them, and want them there for their company on your special day, not because you want to squeeze money out of them for your tropical honeymoon.

£30/50? seriously? how tight

Agree with this.

If you’re paying the cost, you’re not a guest. £50 is the most I’d put in a card.

This nonsense about covering the cost of your meals at a wedding is insane. Weddings already incur costs for guests with travel, outfits, hotels, etc. It is the couple’s choice to have a wedding and they should cut their cloth according to their means. If they can’t afford to feed all their guests, they should cut back their plans and pare down the guest list.

To expect guests to cover costs is the total opposite of hospitality, it boils my blood.

As for gifts, I hate the current grabby fashion for requesting money. I have a reasonable income but if I’ve already forked out a couple of hundred quid on an outfit, petrol and a hotel, I’m not also going to be giving a wad of money.

Assuming there is a payment fund with bank details to make contributions, I send £30 for a friend, maybe £50 or £60 for a niece/nephew. It’s a token payment under duress, I’m not covering the cost of anyone’s holiday!

DO NOT feel pressurised to giving more than you can comfortably afford. And totally ignore the MN loons who claim to give £hundreds as wedding gifts, I assume it’s just the bridezillas who try to sow that seed!