Wedding money how much?

@ChiasMarineras What extended family? I don’t have one. Lucky you if you do! It’s pretty standard to hire events places for weddings and they can never be handy for everyone nor csn there be extended family for everyone. Of course guests are out of pocket in the main. If you only have local friends and family great but who has that these days - except maybe some cultures where girls are not allowed to go off to university. Whether people attend a wedding or not is up to them but the costs of a wedding can be big and most people don’t pay hotel bills on top!

In that situation I would give £200

In contrast, I’ve seen that many British weddings take place a long way from the couple’s home or family area, and it is expected for guests who might be local to them to make the trip and book themselves transport and hotels for 1/2 nights. There’s many mumsnet threads about it!

I don’t know if this is just a modern trend - I assume many years ago, just like everywhere in the world, people tended to have more local, smaller celebrations - but it’s not something that happens very often in my country.

There are obviously many weddings where the bride and groom are from different parts of the country, or where half the family live on the other side of the world… But you try and house guests from out of town in local accommodation - either with other guests, extended family or even in the houses of friends who may not be attending the wedding. More recently, some couples have organised a block of rooms in local hotels at a discounted rate, or even paid the costs outright themselves. My most memorable wedding trip was going to Paris to see the daughter of some friends get married (to a Parisian) - the invites came in January for a late October wedding so we booked cheap Ryanair flights, were picked up by the groom’s family and housed with some local friends of the couple. We slept on air mattresses for the weekend and had the best time. We couldn’t have afforded 2 nights in Paris for all of us, plus the gift…

Expenses for guests should be kept low, nobody should be that much out of pocket by attending the wedding. If I don’t have to take expensive trains + taxis to the venue, and pay £100+ for a hotel room, I’ll be much more generous with my gift and won’t mind giving £250 for me and my DH to attend, for example.

I’m always surprised by English couples getting married in Scotland or by destination weddings abroad! I’d have a small quiet ceremony if I chose to do that, and not invite anyone else unless I could cover their full costs!

I think £200 is more than acceptable.

I understand it’s weird in the UK for this to happen - I’ve had to explain it to so many friends and they’re always very surprised by it.

It’s completely normal in my home country though, but we’re also generally very open about money. You don’t pay for your share of the wedding costs - only the food element of it. However, we can and do ask how much a wedding costs and it’s a normal topic of conversation. Obviously the couple are free not to divulge that information, and that’s also fine.

I’ve also had years with multiple wedding invites (do not miss the late 20s!) and sadly had to refuse some of them, as I’m not rich by any means.

We just celebrate life events differently back home and I’ve obviously shown none of this behaviour when invited to UK celebrations, as I am not that ignorant to assume it would be the same in every country. I’ve been generous with my cash gifts, but not over the top and have never asked how much the meal cost - except for my best friend’s wedding!

But the only people who knew how much my wedding cost were DH and I. You could have asked my family as much as you liked but they didn't have a clue.

In my mid to late 20s I had a couple of years when we had 10+ wedding invites a year. No way could I afford to pays 100s a time on top of my expenses.

Its just so alien to me to expect guests to cover their costs. Thats not what a guest means.

Its also weird for everyone at the wedding to know how much it cost. It's none of their business, and in my case would have been a breach of the contract as the venue didn't want anyone to know we had paid less than the advertised rate.

£200 is so much I don’t think anyone other than parents and aunties/uncles gave us more than £50 in fact most people gave us £20-£30! I didn’t plan a wedding to get cash. The most anyone gave me was £150 and that was my Nan lol

I am glad that culturally, here or on the continent, no one even expect cash in an envelop, you make a quick bank transfer if you don't buy a gift from a list, and most people give based on their relationship with the couple, not the cost of the wedding.

am from a culture where you cover the meal and then add some on top, but I also wouldn’t take 4 people to a wedding if I couldn’t afford at least a 600-800 gift.

That's quite sad and ridiculous. I wouldnt imagine they is anyone that could afford a £800 gift, weddings are about celebrations so only your rich friends can attend?
And there's no way a meal is £230 a head either!

You ask the relatives of whichever side invited you - directly if you’re close to them, or through other guests, up to the wedding day itself. My parents often took more cash than they thought would be necessary just because they hadn’t heard exactly what the cost per head was. Then at the end of the reception they’d decide how much to put in the envelope, after talking to other guests or the couple’s relatives in person.

There are also some (rude, idiot) individuals who don’t seal the envelope until the end of the night, because they apparently decide how much to give once the food and party have been served. If they don’t consider the entertainment or food good enough, they pay less than they could. Crass and tight! 😂

People are invited regardless of their financial situation, but it’s also totally fine to decline an invitation. I’ve not known meal costs to exceed £100 too often, so it’s still an ok price. Wedding invites come out 9-12 months ahead, giving guests time to plan and save financially, and they very rarely involve travelling to the other side of the country and having to book hotels, etc. Kids are always invited so no extra cost for babysitters.

I once received a wedding invitation in England 3 months before the date. That seemed so strange and late to me - it’s a very short amount of time to get the money together and plan properly. 1 year is what I’m used to in my (European) country!

the cost of the venue is completely irrelevant, I would give the exact same amount for a registry office cheap wedding or a stately house luxury wedding.

£200 for 4 guests sounds ok as long as you can afford it.

I only give £500 and plus to siblings, nieces and nephews or god-children.

Crikey, that’s a lot per head. I would think £100 as a gift would be fine.

Telling you how much they are paying for food per head IS TACKY as hell!!!

It doesn’t matter what they are paying for the wedding! That is THEIR CHOICE to do that!!! You are a guest at their wedding not there to cover their expenses!!

£50 in total!

OK sorry. Well, since they are so well off they don't need you going bankrupt for their wedding so don't feel any pressure.

I'm from Northern Ireland and £100 gift per head seems to be the norm among friends, family and colleagues (prob £50 per kid) so I would think £300 would be more than enough (though because you are her godmother you might want to add extra). It does seem a lot for food even if the wine/fizz is flowing. From what I read on here though, it seems different in England on what the norm or general expectations are about gift giving.

@narcASD Your cousin is a CF and a liar. How tacky to talk about meal costs when inviting someone. She did it just to pressure you in to giving more money than you can afford. 200£ is very generous for a family gift to the couple.

I would be very upset if someone didn't come to my wedding because they couldn't afford that amount of cash for a gift.

Exactly my wedding venue gave a per head figure but that covered more than the food. (We also didn't pay that figure).
If I get invited to Pretty Village hall I have no way of knowing if I'm getting a buffet made by Aunt Doris or a 5 star caterer. But I would rather stretch my gift budget for those doing a DIY wedding on a shoestring than for a couple that can afford an expensive day.

Do brides and grooms ever consider their guests hotel costs, travel costs, clothing costs, bar bills etc. when they plan these extravagant weddings?? I seriously doubt it and now they expect us to cover the cost of our meals as well 😮what next, we’ll have to chip in for the honeymoon??

I’ve always thought that “covering your plate” was an absolutely bollocks rule. Let’s say you have two good friends, one is wealthy and marries someone wealthy and has an expensive wedding, do you give them more of a gift than a friend who can’t afford a particularly expensive wedding?
Plus, in most cases you don’t know the cost of the plate anyway.

£200 is extremely generous imo.