Wedding money how much?

To be clear, I’m a single person so am attending weddings on my own. Hence a £30 - £50 gift, on top of all my other expenses. If I was taking a partner and/or children, I would give a bit more, probably £100.

I also drink very little, so I’m not one of the people draining a free bar. I would also suggest that, if budget really is an issue for the wedding couple, it’s fine to limit free drinks to a welcome drink, wine with the meal and a glass of fizz for the toast. I have no problem with a PAYG bar for all other drinks. That would stop people taking the mick, drinking the bar dry of spirits, beer, cocktails, which is what really racks costs up.

People keep saying you don’t have to go to a wedding if you don’t want to, but it’s very difficult to decline without causing offence. Especially as most couples now send a “save the date’ up to a year in advance, so it’s difficult to invent a pre-booked holiday etc as an excuse!

I’m also from NI but live in England, and one of the big differences between the 2 places is that NI people are super hospitable and English people, generally, are not.

In NI you wouldn’t dream of turning up to someone’s house for dinner without a bottle of wine or box of chocs, but my English friends turn up here empty-handed more often than not. Likewise, this trend of expecting money from wedding guests is less common in NI (it’s increasing, inevitably) and guests certainly wouldn’t be expected to cover the cost of food. Hospitality is a big part of the NI psyche and if you invite people to something, you feed and water them at your own expense. If you can’t afford to feed 200 guests, you need to just invite 40 guests or 20. Whatever number you can afford to feed generously, and without expectation of guests subsidising it.

Charity donations are an excellent idea! I don’t care what anyone says, there’s just something so grabby and unpleasant about asking wedding guests for money. It wouldn’t be acceptable at any other type of celebration.

@DaisyJo94 Yes, when you add in drink the cost goes up a lot. DD is having a cocktail station and we are having champagne. Not telling guests the cost! DD and her nearly DH are paying for quite a lot themselves and have chosen their own wines. We have sparkling tea too for non drinkers. The bar is open all night! The venue had 6 contracted caterers so have gone with one of them because they know the kitchen and did some great, very tasty, food options and guests get a choice . DD thinks most guests don’t remember good food, only awful food! I think the overall event is remembered though so venue and a fun time probably mean more. We shall see!

why shouldn't she take them? They have been invited. its not like going out for a meal that you have to pay for yourself,

of course your gift doesnt have to cover the cost of the wedding meal. they invited you, they chose the menu, yu didn't have any choice of venue etc.
Just give them what you can afford

We love food so it was the area we didn’t have a budget for and just went for what we wanted.

We had a 3 course dinner (amuse-bouche and palate cleanser in addition to the 3 courses). We had drinks on arrival, wine on the table (not cheap wine - I was allowed to choose my favourite wines), we also had a drink to toast and we paid for additional cocktails.

I still get compliments on the food and some of my friends with very fussy palates still say it’s the best food they’ve ever eaten.

But the question was from someone who is attending a very expensive wedding and is being told that if can't cover her costs she shouldn't go. In that instance the bride and groom have chosen to spend a ridiculous amount of money on their guests. She isn't being asked to help a poor couple get a start in life. She is being asked to pay for someone else's life style choices. I'm not assuming anything about you but I am assuming that a couple having a £230 per head event are materialistic (well actually I'm assuming they live a ridiculous Internet fueled bubble that is making them feel they have to spend a fortune when they can't afford to).

😂

For many people, a honeymoon is a lot more important than a box of china from Ikea, what's wrong with guests contributing?

Why do you think you can police what is an acceptable gift 😂

Please don’t feel pressured to give more than you can afford x

I agree. Wedding presents used to be to help you set up home (we still have lots of ours, 30+years later). But now people already have homes before marriage, why don't they just ask for charitable donations? So much nicer.

It actually seems we have very similar values. That is exactly what we do for people who travel for weddings - they are not expected to fork out money on accommodation. The plate cost is (most of the time) a reasonable amount. Nobody would begrudge their friends or relatives not giving huge amounts of money. I only said it’s the social norm.

It reads as if you’ve now assumed we’re all snobby materialistic people who make guests feel unwelcome at our weddings if they can’t pay half a grand in meal costs. Just as you explained, if people cannot contribute cash, they find other ways in which to express gratitude towards the couple and join in with the celebration. It looks different everywhere you go.

Nobody should be telling you what the meal cost, how vulgar is that? You are invited, therefore the couple and/or their parents should be paying for all the guests. You absolutely do not have to "pay for your plate".
Give as much or as little as you can afford, and write a thoughtful card - it's supposed to be a gesture of goodwill, and you are not buying buying tickets!

Umm what makes you soo certain I'm white? Whatever it is you are wrong.

if you know anyone serving truffles and caviar at their wedding, please let me know where to find them

Presumably the people who are having a £250 per head meal.

Some the the very best wedding I've been to have been done with help and love of the community meaning people contributed to food by bringing a dish, making cakes etc but not by feeling that if they couldn't cover a certain amount they would have to forego taking their partner or missing the wedding entirely.

My wedding guests were my guests that means it was on me to feed them, I could afford to provide a nice meal (but certainly not at £230 meal) for the number of people we wanted to invite. If I felt people would have felt obliged to pay me back for that meal I would have chosen a much cheaper option because I didn't want people to not attend because of money. Hence we provided accommodation for friends who were travelling from overseas and one who had recently lost their job. Their being there was of far greater value to us than them 'covering their plate'.

This is irrelevant, it also doesn’t matter that it’s £230 per head for food! You’re not paying to attend, they can pay however much or little they want for food and drinks that is their choice. You gift however much you can afford or want to gift.

I’m also glad never to have witnessed that because yes, ridiculous 😂

White British Mumsnetters People certainly have very limited imaginations and struggle to understand just how different social interactions or traditions are in other countries.

Perhaps think about that before mocking someone else’s home country or culture, next time. It’s good you could afford a lovely meal for all your guests. Well done you. Where I’m from, we find joy in contributing to the union and celebration of two people who are starting their life together. The community rallies around them and helps them start married life with a little extra cash than they had prior to organising the party. It’s called mucking in.

Oh btw, if you know anyone serving truffles and caviar at their wedding, please let me know where to find them as that would be a first for me. I can offer a lovely and traditional soup, stew and meat with polenta and potatoes wedding menu in exchange. It definitely won’t cost you a grand.

Hey Bob and Jenny, I know you aren't coming to our wedding because if you did you would have to give us a grand to cover meals for you and the kids but I've got two mates from uni who are doing so much better in life than you so they can afford to pay me back for the truffles and caviar so I need you to let them sleep at your house.

If I got married somewhere with this ridiculous 'rule' I would have chosen home made cheese sandwiches for the food so that everyone I love could afford to be there, not just the rich ones. Which seem stupid as we could afford a lovely meal for all our guests.

I am genuinely curious as have never been to such a wedding - what did your £250 meal include? Was that with or without drinks?

You fixated on the extended family, but that was my exactly my point - either them or other guests or friends would host people travelling from afar. It doesn’t all fall on the direct relations.

Not sure about the cultures you mention, as I left home for uni and never returned, have lived all over the world so know a fair bit about travelling for weddings, funerals etc.

I am still of the opinion that hiring a venue hundreds or thousands of miles away from where the couple’s base of guests is from, makes very little sense financially. It’s fine if you want a beautiful celebration, but don’t try to save some money on a venue in the sticks, at the cost of your guests having to fork out extra expenses. Get married locally and invite less people.

Yes, of course! I’ve had to buy new outfits as my body has changed so much. The joys of being a woman! DH just wears the same suits in rotation with a different tie to match my dress 😂

@DaisyJo94 New outfits a mostly optional. Nearly everyone I know doesn’t mind the odd new frock. DD says she’s been to over 35 weddings and some were abroad. They are all
optional. Some have been mega swish dos for several days, so more clothes needed but again, it’s optional. DD has the money and enjoys them though.

50€

Our wedding meal was £250 a head and we would never have expected anyone to contribute that. Some guests gave nothing, most gave around £50 a head and some were more generous.

We are in that phase of life where we are attending weddings almost monthly so we try and keep to £100 as a couple. A recent wedding we went to cost us £1000 between the hotel for 2 nights (it was a 4 hour drive away), meals, fuel, outfits and gift. Luckily most are more local!

I personally would give £1000 in this case with 4 going but it depends what other people in your circle do. If you don’t have it you can’t give it!

Are you in the uk? For a family I’d say £150-£200. If you’re in Ireland that’s a different matter entirely.