Wedding money how much?

Would you spend £200 on a meal out for your family if 4? If you couldn’t afford that for yourselves, no way should you feel obliged to give £200 as a wedding gift. Only give what you can COMFORTABLY afford. If that’s £50, fine. You will already be forking out for 4 outfits, hotel rooms etc. Your cousin is common as muck and grabby even telling you the cost per person. Who gives a flying f? It’s their choice to pay that - if you invite people to a wedding/christening/60th party, etc etc it’s on the host to feed and water everyone, with hospitality and generosity of spirit.

I don’t mind couples asking for money. Means I don’t have to think about what to buy.

in this case, if you can afford it then £150 would be nice.

In your heart of hearts you can’t seriously think that you need to give £800? Including £230 for a 10 year old!

Is the whole extended family very wealthy including yours? Maybe that is the norm in some circles but literally since when do you give to receive? Does your family indicate Christmas present costs so you can receive the same value goods? It’s a joke and totally commercialises a romantic event in my view.

@Pigstroff25 exactly the point I have tried to make on this thread, only to be called ‘tight’! It costs a few hundred ££ as a minimum to attend a minimum when you factor everything in. And as a single person, my costs are considerably higher as I don’t have anyone to share the cost of petrol, hotel room etc. I think £50 per couple is absolutely fine, but watch out for the grabby bridezillas who will be along in a minute to squeal at how mean it is! 😂

Just stumbled across this.
Last month we went to a friends wedding that was on a Thursday. Which forced anyone with a job to take at least 1.5 most 2 days leave from work. It is 4 hours drive away from where they, us and a lot of their guests live. No real connection to the area other than they wanted a countryside wedding and did it in this place.
Hotel was £200 a night. We all had to pay for taxis to venue as venue nowhere near hotel. So given the annual leave we had to book off work, cost of hotel etc we gave £50 per couple towards a holiday voucher.
Had it been a weekend wedding (far more considerate to guests!) location nearer etc we’d have given £150. For a god child/ family would also give more.

That's actually hilariously OTT.

It's not a 'free' bar if every guest feels obliged to up their gift but 200 quid. Even in my prime drinking days I couldn't get through £200 of booze on top of the table wine and the toast. Again if you can't afford a free bar don't have one but don't expect everyone to contribute more than they would spend at a pay bar.

Depends on the circumstances. Someone I didn't know very well or didn't see often and it had any degree of formality then I'd take something. When we used to have dinner and games about once a month with the same couple neither of us would bring anything after the first few times. Gets pointless quickly.

It's the sort if thing I would also do if it was invited to someone's house now and it wasn't part of an established pattern but it wouldn't register with me if someone turned up empty-handed to mine.

I've only ever seen it on MN. I don't know where it came from but it is indeed unbelievably crass. I'd find it really intrusive if someone tried to research my venue and work out which package we'd paid for to decide what they thought they were obliged to pay. Horrible concept.

But the idea of giving a cash gift in and of itself is totally fine. Very welcome in fact as it's so easy. I've appreciated being able to do that easily many times and never once felt that a specifc amount was required.

I disagree
I don't know anyone who would ever dream of turning up to dinner empty handed. Not one single person

@DappledThings I had never heard of it until this thread. It’s unbelievably crass! Who tells guests what the costs are?

When people bought items for the home, the couple were probably moving into their first home with nothing much. Now most have lived away from home and as couples are older, they have first home stuff already. DD and her partner have just consolidated into one flat from 2. The last thing they need is another casserole dish or wine glasses. So they have a present list that’s unique to them. It’s an interest they have and guests can add some money in or not! I thought most people did this or said they would appreciate a contribution to a honeymoon or similar. I’ve never seen gifts linked to food/drink costs!

Nobody expects anyone to spend more just because it's cash. The covering your plate bollocks is a seperate and very unwelcome new phenomenon.

I think like £300 would be acceptable unless it's likely to include a free bar where I think £500 is needed.

No-one was ever expected to buy a toaster that cost grand though. Before cash became a common 'gift' no-one ever talked about "covering your plate' it was perfectly acceptable for a family to attend a wedding and gift a toaster or a duvet set or some China in the couples chosen pattern. I.e. stuff that was worth about 50 quid. I'm OK with giving cash, gift vouchers etc but not with the idea of having to 'buy' your place. I know how much I can afford to give this shouldn't be decided for me.

You don't have to at all. But most of us, when attending a wedding, want to give a gift. If that is made easier for me by the couple suggesting money towards their honeymoon would be very welcome then all the better.

Why would I want to faff about trying to decide what to buy them and probably get it wrong when I can have a chore saved for myself by having a simple link to make a cash donation.

I've never once felt I was obliged to do so nor resented it anymore than I would have resented buying them a toaster.

I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it. Annabelle & James have probably lived together for 5 years, have a home, have 2 jobs and have now decided to get married. Good for them, but wtf should the rest of us pay for a holiday that they (presumably) cannot otherwise afford?! Plenty of us can’t afford a fancy holiday ourselves, never mind funding one for someone else. If they are so lacking in hospitality that they can’t feed & water guests at their wedding without expecting ‘payment’ of some kind in return, they need to give their heads a wobble.

APOLOGIES EVERYONE!! My iPad kept freezing when I was originally posting a reply and somehow has now managed to post the same thing 3 times! Doh! Can’t delete or edit so sorry about that 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m not saying ALL English people do this, but in NI you’d NEVER turn up to dinner or a visit without a gift whereas it’s definitely quite common in England. I don’t think it’s specific to my friends, I think it’s cultural.

To be clear, I’m a single person so am attending weddings on my own. Hence a £30 - £50 gift, on top of all my other expenses. If I was taking a partner and/or children, I would give a bit more, probably £100. It’s not about ‘begrudging’ the cost of attending but couples should me more sensitive to the fact that it’s asking a lot for guests to fork out for travel, hotel rooms, outfits. Easily £300 a head at the least, and many people can’t afford it just for a one day event.

I also drink very little, so I’m not one of the people draining a free bar. I would also suggest that, if budget really is an issue for the wedding couple, it’s fine to limit free drinks to a welcome drink, wine with the meal and a glass of fizz for the toast. I have no problem with a PAYG bar for all other drinks. That would stop people taking the mick, drinking the bar dry of spirits, beer, cocktails, which is what really racks costs up.

People keep saying you don’t have to go to a wedding if you don’t want to, but it’s very difficult to decline without causing offence. Especially as most couples now send a “save the date’ up to a year in advance, so it’s difficult to invent a pre-booked holiday etc as an excuse!

Their choice to pay for such an expensive venue as others have said, your wedding gift isn’t covering the cost of your meal!

We recently attended a wedding and gave them £100. DH wanted to give double but I said that was ludicrous, it was only a colleague! Anyway colleague couldn’t quite believe it when he saw DH at work and said it was a lot so Christ knows what other attendees gave.

@Mermaidmusing It was not really a request for money - the cost of the food (plus drinks) was mentioned and it’s below the gift amount. Obviously the MOB should never ever have said any amount. It should remain private and guests should give what they want. So many have a gift register or accept gifts towards the honeymoon etc. I think people rarely think anyone is tight.

Went to a wedding in NI recently and we gave £120 as a gift as a couple. I know they are more generous in NI than England but we’d paid flights, transfer, hotel etc.
£150 is fine as a family of 4. If they are high earners and comfortably putting on this lavish wedding they won’t even register the difference probably. Don’t overstretch

I would never go to dinner empty handed
You need English friends with better manners and social skills

You follow your cousin’s advice.

The bride and groom choose their budget for their wedding according to their circumstances. Gifts are based on what guests can afford on their budget, not dictated by a lavish bride and groom.

But I’m an old grump who has been glad to see the more recent trend of weddings being less frippery driven and more “happy event” driven.

To be clear, I’m a single person so am attending weddings on my own. Hence a £30 - £50 gift, on top of all my other expenses. If I was taking a partner and/or children, I would give a bit more, probably £100.

I also drink very little, so I’m not one of the people draining a free bar. I would also suggest that, if budget really is an issue for the wedding couple, it’s fine to limit free drinks to a welcome drink, wine with the meal and a glass of fizz for the toast. I have no problem with a PAYG bar for all other drinks. That would stop people taking the mick, drinking the bar dry of spirits, beer, cocktails, which is what really racks costs up.

People keep saying you don’t have to go to a wedding if you don’t want to, but it’s very difficult to decline without causing offence. Especially as most couples now send a “save the date’ up to a year in advance, so it’s difficult to invent a pre-booked holiday etc as an excuse!