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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just a normal football mum with a needy neighbour

62 replies

Moofighter · 12/07/2026 02:16

So, just wondering AIBU?
We have taken the neighbours child, alongside my son, to football training sessions and league matches the following day. We expected nothing in return and have been doing this for 2+ years. We recently let the parents know that the arrangement could not continue as I am fed up of changing our plans to accommodate their child. Since this, they have not played out like normal neighbours/ children. This makes me so sad, that they don't play out together anymore 😢. The reason we take their child is because they have 1 vehicle in their house and this is used at the weekends for work purposes.
I feel like such a bitch for finally putting my foot down but this one way arrangement was getting too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 12:43

And it wasn't a blunt message to them. I can't copy and paste it here but it was words to the effect of, we have another child to work around and it won't be necessarily possible to take their child with us. We also have commitments etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 12:41

Snoken · 12/07/2026 12:23

Nothing about that statement invites a conversation. You have already said you are not doing it, do you expect them to beg?

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You have a very interesting view on this....forgetting the fact that I've practically been the child's parent at these matches. I know if the tables were turned I wouldn't be so entitled. But that's me.

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Pickledonions12 · 12/07/2026 12:30

Are you normal? Your curt exchange with neighbour, having given no previous indication of your thought process, is not, imo, normal. For me, it's rude, you're rude , in this instance

Snoken · 12/07/2026 12:23

Moofighter · 12/07/2026 12:11

Quite possibly. But it was meant as a conversation starter.

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Nothing about that statement invites a conversation. You have already said you are not doing it, do you expect them to beg?

Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 12:11

Silverbirchleaf · 12/07/2026 11:20

Changing clubs is a good time to end the commitment, and you’ve given them plenty of time to sort something new out (although if that was your message, it was a little curt).

Quite possibly. But it was meant as a conversation starter.

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Silverbirchleaf · 12/07/2026 11:20

Changing clubs is a good time to end the commitment, and you’ve given them plenty of time to sort something new out (although if that was your message, it was a little curt).

Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 11:17

SuddenLightbulb · 12/07/2026 11:08

This is on your poor communication, OP. They had no idea it was such a burden because you didn’t tell them. Now you messaged them curtly to say ‘don’t expect us to take your child with us to the new football club’, rather than telling them face to face, and you wonder why they’re baffled and wondering what’s going on with you, whether your child no longer wants to be friends with theirs etc? Why is it on them to ‘ask for a conversation’?

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They need the favour/ lifts etc. It's completely up to them to instigate the conversation and ensure it is possible. You sound as bad as them 😂

OP posts:
Snoken · 12/07/2026 11:15

Moofighter · 12/07/2026 10:55

It was a short message to a parent saying don't expect us to take your child with us to the new football club. If I was in their position, I would have asked for a conversation regarding this, not to feel entitled about it.

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That does sound unnecessarily short and abrupt after having pretended for 2 years that you were happy taking him. I wouldn't have asked for a conversation either, I would have just assumed you wanted nothing more to do with my child.

Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 11:14

QuaintBeaker · 12/07/2026 11:08

I hope it does and that the kid doesn't end up not going cos that would be shitty for him.

Not trying to say that that's on you at all, it isn't. But it would still be sad for him

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It be sad for him but his parent can afford a taxi to a local tournament. He just chose not to. In my eye's that selfish and no idea why he wouldn't watch his son play.

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Dollymylove · 12/07/2026 11:10

Seems like they have been ripping the piss out of you for too long . Time to actually step up and parent their kid. I have been in a similar situation in the past. Then I realised I was being taken for a mug and stopped it

SuddenLightbulb · 12/07/2026 11:08

Moofighter · 12/07/2026 11:01

We never expected anything in return. Any gifting was mutual so no benefit to us overall. The children were friends but really, using their child as a pawn and om demand play mate in return is unfair on their child too.

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This is on your poor communication, OP. They had no idea it was such a burden because you didn’t tell them. Now you messaged them curtly to say ‘don’t expect us to take your child with us to the new football club’, rather than telling them face to face, and you wonder why they’re baffled and wondering what’s going on with you, whether your child no longer wants to be friends with theirs etc? Why is it on them to ‘ask for a conversation’?

QuaintBeaker · 12/07/2026 11:08

Moofighter · 12/07/2026 10:42

No, they have hardly watched him. Didn't even bother to make arrangements to watch him during tournaments. Makes me sad for him. In some ways, this may make the parents step up.

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I hope it does and that the kid doesn't end up not going cos that would be shitty for him.

Not trying to say that that's on you at all, it isn't. But it would still be sad for him

Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 11:01

Sartre · 12/07/2026 10:19

I agree with this. You worded it like you were happy to help them and had done it altruistically expecting nothing in return yet you’re dropping the arrangement suddenly saying they didn’t offer anything in return? It doesn’t make sense. What do you want exactly?

Did they ever offer anything in return over the two years? I’m just wondering if they offered to pay fuel, bought little gifts of thanks etc? Also did you give them any warning or did you just randomly say sorry I’m not doing this anymore out of the blue?

I don’t think it sounds like they necessarily did anything wrong. You offered to help, they accepted and it’s continued for two years seemingly without complaint from you. You’ve now dropped it suddenly by the sound of things because you want to do different things after the match rather than returning their son home first. No wonder they’re peeved.

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We never expected anything in return. Any gifting was mutual so no benefit to us overall. The children were friends but really, using their child as a pawn and om demand play mate in return is unfair on their child too.

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Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 10:55

Sartre · 12/07/2026 10:39

You’re also guilty because you didn’t mention issues either. You’ve gone from 0-100 in 3 seconds rather than having an adult conversation first.

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It was a short message to a parent saying don't expect us to take your child with us to the new football club. If I was in their position, I would have asked for a conversation regarding this, not to feel entitled about it.

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SuddenLightbulb · 12/07/2026 10:54

But bluntly, that’s on you for doing it resentfully for two years if it didn’t suit you. You just say ‘Can’t drop X home tomorrow as we have other plans so you will need to collect him from the game’.

Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 10:53

BelleDeJourRose · 12/07/2026 10:43

I had that after I was widowed too. Some couples see themselves as a unit so think you should drive double what each of them are

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That's just plain cheeky. I would never think of it that way. Just shows that we all think so differently.

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Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 10:52

MyChalfontsAreGivingMeHellToday · 12/07/2026 10:05

I’m sure I’ve read this exact same thread very recently. Have you posted this before OP?

No never posted this before.

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BelleDeJourRose · 12/07/2026 10:43

PeonyBulb · 12/07/2026 02:23

I can’t believe you lasted 2 years. You did well to stop it but waited far too long. I was in a similar situation and the arrangement stopped after I realised I was driving every other week but the other 2 parents married to each other did one week each a month as opposed to each of us only doing every 3 weeks. It pissed me off because I was a knackered single mum juggling work and kids and I still had to ferry my own DD which was tight getting them both to places on time. I felt used, disappointed in my friends and let down.

I had that after I was widowed too. Some couples see themselves as a unit so think you should drive double what each of them are

Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 10:42

turnthefanon · 12/07/2026 10:28

So for all those years, the parents haven’t really watched their DC training or their matches? The DC will remember that when he grows up. You did a good thing, but I get it would be inconvenient - at least if they were reciprocated in someway, it would have had its benefits. As much as I feel bad for their kid, The parents need to step up and figure out a way to sort it out. They are just spiting their kid by not letting their kid play out with yours. It shows what type of people and parents they are. If you see them in passing, I would maybe say your DC has been asking about their DC and when they can play out… Maybe something like that can break the ice again because they may be feeling awkward now. Once you’ve said that the ball is truly in their court.

No, they have hardly watched him. Didn't even bother to make arrangements to watch him during tournaments. Makes me sad for him. In some ways, this may make the parents step up.

OP posts:
Sartre · 12/07/2026 10:39

Moofighter · 12/07/2026 10:38

We were just waiting for the mum to find another job. We hardly ever spoke about the " arrangement". It went from a favour to an expectation. We were all forced to change clubs this season and they didn't really want to chat about this. Even though it would be slightly further out 😕

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You’re also guilty because you didn’t mention issues either. You’ve gone from 0-100 in 3 seconds rather than having an adult conversation first.

Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 10:38

somanychristmaslights · 12/07/2026 10:30

I know how you feel op, after football training we often will pop somewhere afterwards. Or if it’s an away match, we stay to explore the area if there’s anything nearby. I’d hate to just keep coming straight home to drop another child off.

Exactly, it was getting tiring.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moofighter · 12/07/2026 10:38

GreatThingsAwait · 12/07/2026 10:14

I don’t understand why you would carry on for so long without saying anything. That’s odd. If you didn’t want to do it or if you wanted the neighbour to take turns doing it you should have said something.

We were just waiting for the mum to find another job. We hardly ever spoke about the " arrangement". It went from a favour to an expectation. We were all forced to change clubs this season and they didn't really want to chat about this. Even though it would be slightly further out 😕

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Stationbike · 12/07/2026 10:32

Yanbu.
They were cheeky fxxkers.

somanychristmaslights · 12/07/2026 10:30

I know how you feel op, after football training we often will pop somewhere afterwards. Or if it’s an away match, we stay to explore the area if there’s anything nearby. I’d hate to just keep coming straight home to drop another child off.

turnthefanon · 12/07/2026 10:28

So for all those years, the parents haven’t really watched their DC training or their matches? The DC will remember that when he grows up. You did a good thing, but I get it would be inconvenient - at least if they were reciprocated in someway, it would have had its benefits. As much as I feel bad for their kid, The parents need to step up and figure out a way to sort it out. They are just spiting their kid by not letting their kid play out with yours. It shows what type of people and parents they are. If you see them in passing, I would maybe say your DC has been asking about their DC and when they can play out… Maybe something like that can break the ice again because they may be feeling awkward now. Once you’ve said that the ball is truly in their court.