To make awful demands of DH

It’s the huffing and “I can’t do anything right” that is the problem, way more than lights or clothes.

It trains you not to bring issues up because if his reaction, it starts to seem like it’s not worth it or you have to brace yourself first even for small issues. It’s emotionally immature and can even be part of an abusive pattern. Is he sulky and reactive generally, and are you careful of your tone when you need to bring something up?

He isn’t behaving as if he likes you very much, and that is tiring to be on the receiving end of in your own home. The light is inconsiderate and shows that he sees his desires as being more important then yours, and the crumpling clothes up is just mean - if the folded clothes really distress him then he could just put them in a drawer nicely, it takes the same amount of time and is kinder.

Yeah you can after midnight. If you are sharing a bed with someone you both need to make reasonable adjustments.

Try writing a couple of signs....

Please leave my clothes for me. - Sit it on dresser and pop onto clothes.

Dearest, turn the light off by 11:00 pm. - Directly after stating that you find the light too bright to sleep, ask DH to stop reading soon and pull out sign from under your pillow and place it on the bed.

Husband might respond better to written reminder.

Sorry OP I wouldn’t be sharing a bed or a life with this prick who seemed to hate me.

I’m gobsmacked people would put up with a selfish petulant arsehole. Come on ladies.

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria, I get it. My partner flies off the handle for any little perceived criticism and nastily retorts something piffling I've done. Eg I ask him not to get up when we are eating to feed the cat a bit of something off his plate or could he remember to switch the shower room light off when he's finished and not leave his dirty pants on the floor. He will storm upstairs and if I try to reason with him sticks his fingers in his ears and goes la la la. For fucks sake he's 62 years old. The last time I told him that's a massive over reaction and left him stewing in his own juices.

I have compiled a "things that you do that piss me off list". One day he's going to get it.

Get your own house.

Some stuff I read on here makes me wonder why people live with each other when they clearly hate the company.

You have to tell him if he wants to put your stuff away, he needs to do that properly. You, yourself, need to put stuff away as soon as you brought it up. Having piles of clothes everywhere is annoying. But the way he does it seems clearly deliberate to ruin your stuff - like, you say he puts it away in a way it gets ripped? WTF?

He cant have a light on in a shared bed at 2am. Its unconsidered and borderline sadistic. If he doesn't understand, I would be up at 5 and wake him up. Sleep deprivation is a torture.

So if he likes a tidy bedroom why does he not put the clothes away tidily?

Nope, and did you miss the bit where I said he likes a clean bedroom and as does my DH and yet Dh's shed you would take your life in your hands to enter

We all have our wee foibles , My dh, not counting the shed, will empty the first aid box all over the bathroom looking his "thing". But because hes not living in it, doesnt see it - same as his shed .

Rooms we live in, he will be picking up with his fingers any bit of fluff walked in . He won't notice a skid mark on a toilet, but a crumb on a sofa?

Dont jump on someone for one side of a story .

@suki1964 did you miss the bit where DH dumps a pile of his stuff in the bathroom

Kindle is the answer for reading.

Just coming on to say: DH and i both have backlit kindles - a gamechanger for reading in bed. Which we both do.

Ok, so obviously your DH likes a tidy room and you are not fussed

Or the fact that your wardrobes and drawers are stuffed full already means putting clothes away is daunting for you?

That I get, I lived out of the laundry basket for years, not stuffing my clothes away where there was no room cos the space was filled with clothes that no longer fitted

Then one day I pulled on my extremely big knickers and dived in

Took me two days, and two bin bags for ragging and 4 for charity and 3 vac packed bags of clothes I wasnt sure were for either way

I also learned how to fold

Two days, and now I can get my clothes ironed and or folded and put away , no creases , no over flowing

That was 3 years ago, my drawers are organised and I just tuck clean knickers, socks , tees, leggings, jeans - all rolled or folded in and my wardrobe - clothes have room , I can see what I have

So yes your DH is being a pain, but at the same time, clear the decks and it's one less argument?

BTW Dh's shed is a frigging death trap - I refuse to even open the door - that shit is down to him

But he leaves his stuff lying around in the bathroom, but hypocritical if he tidies away (badly) OP’s stuff but leaves his stuff lying around

Some times I'm glad I can't live with my boyfriend. He's disabled and lives in a semi supported flat.
If we'd live together for the last eight years, we'd have driven each other crackers. So not to hurt him, I normally sleep on a double mattress layout in his front room when I stay over.
He'll sleep on the fold down bed chair at my place most of the time so we both get good sleep - only sharing my double when we've nothing going on the next day.

As for the clothes stuffing thing, that's just odd. OCD in overdrive perhaps? 🤔

@sittingonabeach

The thread was about her laundry not his.

Maybe he could concentrate on putting his own stuff away

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria? I’ve heard it all now.

Why not put away your laundry before having the shower ?
and is it your chest or our chest - as you refer to both in your replies.

At 2am?

My df would have done something like that - roughly handling things we had left lying around, shoving them away, and my first thought was that your dh wbu for treating you like a child.

And then I thought, that isn’t an acceptable way to treat anyone.

Sometimes it takes me an extra couple of beats to see abuse because of what was normalised in my childhood.

Damaging your belongings to the point of ripping your clothes, is abusive, and the DARVO reaction is fairly classic.

I bet you have more examples @jonesonscam

Get a kindle with a dim light. Or make sure you’re in bed and asleep before the other person comes up.

I read myself to sleep and wouldn’t dream of disturbing my husband.

"Rejection sensitivity disorder". Another one of those modern spellings for 'selfish prick'.

LTB. Honestly, the best solution. He's a selfish - and aggressive - dick.

I 100% believe in rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

I've heard everything now.

I like to read at night and my husband doesn't. You know what I did? Bought a backlit kindle, because I share a room with him and it's not fair to keep him awake because I want to be comfy in bed.

We're both messy when it comes to clothes, so it all gets lobbed on a chair and put away when we can be arsed.