To make awful demands of DH

my usual question really. What exactly does he bring to the party? perhaps he's a great Dad?

Yea, this!

no! Im frightened I might self diagnose myself with it!

This was in reply to being told I have main character energy for reading in bed late because the other persons sleep is more important and I should go somewhere else because it's horrifically selfish.
Maybe I didn't choose my words properly, but the going to bed together isn't a demand put on me, it's just something we like to do because of our different hours, there are often nights where I stay up until the early hours in the studio and go to bed when he wakes up.

I would say the need to sleep trumps the need to read bith psychologically and physically

my husband likes to go to bed together, he has sleep apnea and snores like a warthog, so I often struggle to fall asleep, our compromise is I wear headphones and read whilst he cosplays darth vader,

You shouldn't have to compromise on this. He can't dictate when you go to bed, ffs, especially when he's loud and it makes it harder for you to go to sleep. He knows you aren't sleeping so he's basically dictating where you have to be while you read and spoiling your own bedtime and sleep.

Yeah because we both talk about it and come up with solutions that suit us, many people here are appalled at the suggestion of an eye mask because why should they have to wear one. I don't get the vitriol about it being selfish to want to read in bed, but not selfish to refuse to accommodate both parties.

That works for both of you though.

If I'd had to share a bedroom with my husband for the last 55 years there's no chance we'd still be married. After 30 years we moved to a house that gave us two bedrooms with ensuite bathrooms, which is perfection! However, my DH has always known better than to touch my clothing or possessions and neither of us would have been so selfish as to read until 2am.

Is your DH a dick in other areas too OP? I have a feeling he might be and that this could be an LTB situation.

But the other persons sleep is? Honestly some weird takes here.
For context my husband likes to go to bed together, he has sleep apnea and snores like a warthog, so I often struggle to fall asleep, our compromise is I wear headphones and read whilst he cosplays darth vader, we both have eye masks in case the small light is annoying if one of us can't sleep and choses to read.
We both work different hours, both of our sleep is important but we have different sleep cycles, different work hours and like to go to bed together, most mornings DH gets up, starts work for a couple of hours, then brings me a coffee, sits on the end of the bed and asks me to tell him what's going on in my book.

He also puts all the clothes away.

He’s purposely shining the light in your face because he’s being passive aggressive.

Buy an eye mask.
Build a clothes pile that resembles The Leaning Tower of Pisa on your drawers.
Get a bin bag, stuff it with his clothes on the bathroom floor and hide it in the garage. When he asks where his clothes are say you’ve no idea.

Get a free half hour appointment with a solicitor.

Have we got the same sister? 😂

Your sleep is not more important than the other person you are sharing a bed with. You are being very unreasonable.

It’s a crock of shit apparently- I’ve never heard of it either, but I reckon my sister will have it given half the chance. I’m off to prof google

I agree that he sounds awful. My ex could never accept that he was doing anything wrong, and he always did exactly what HE wanted to do and everyone else could go hang. Strangely enough, he had no friends and everyone at his work hated him. The solution for me was divorce. What is your financial and housing situation, OP?

Google it

Why are you with him? He sounds abusive, or at least a GF for stuffing all your clean washing into the bedroom drawers and deliberately leaving his bedside light outwards for maximum disturbance to you

LTB

Seriously, I mean that. He doesn’t like you. He’s being passive aggressive. You cannot live with someone like this and there is no way that this is the only thing he does that is hostile to you. I repeat, he does not like you. I’ve been there.

Does he actually like you?

Who picks up the dirty clothes he leaves on the floor?

Bed is for sleeping. If you want to read f*ck off elsewhere

Well aren’t you a selfish fucker? How about YOU go and READ on the sofa…and let the person who wants to sleep…in the place where sleep was intended…actually sleep!!

FFS what is with the selfish fucks today? 🤦‍♀️

Of course she can if he’s keeping the light on and she can’t sleep because of it! If he wants to read he needs to go elsewhere, not keep his wife awake until 2am!! What fuckery is this?? 🤯 🤦‍♀️

Ripping your clothes strongly suggests abuse OP. Shining a light on you when he knows you're trying to sleep ditto. Throwing a tantrum if you calmly and politely ask him to not rip your clothes, ditto.

Have you read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft? You - and everyone else with a similar-behaving DH - can read it as a free pdf on the Internet.

Can't believe how many people seem to think OP's behaviour is the problem here.

I 100% believe in rejection sensitivity dysphoria as a thing ICD-11 and DSM-V do not. Well, not as a standalone issue. Does your DH have an ADHD diagnosis and is he medicated for it?

So because you can't sleep, your husband's sleep is disturbed too?

Exceptionally selfish.

Go downstairs / into the living room and read there.

DH has insomnia and tosses, turns, moans, sighs, huffs and puffs until I lose my shit with him. He now fucks off to huff and puff somewhere else.

This. If you are awake and want to read then do it somewhere other than the bedroom where someone is trying to sleep.