To make awful demands of DH

I think if you have chests of drawers (chester draws) where the screw of the handle pokes out into the drawer, its quite easy to catch clothing on it, Ive done it myself when staying at airbnbs and you hae to be really careful. If you're just randomly shoving stuff in with little care I can see how this happens.

I'd ask him why he was being so hostile and aggressive to me when I asked him to not do something. The things you've mentioned are completely reasonable.
Don't have a reading lamp pointing at your wife's face when she wants to bloody sleep. How the fuck does he think that's not going to piss someone off? That's actually really mean and pass agg of him since he knows you are trying to sleep and have tried to offer other types of light so he could still read. It's not as if you are saying he can't read in bed.
Him doing that with your clothes is passive aggressive. It's also hypocritical of him too.
Tell him that you expect to be able to tell him things or ask him to not do something without him making it awkward and a bigger deal than it needs to be.
Whats his problem with you??
RSD is definitely a thing, but also I don't think this is what is making him act like a prick to you.

So does that give him a get out of jail free card to be a dick to OP

Nearly 20 years treading the boards of MN. And if you are a parent of a child who struggles with emotional regulation, there are so many online support groups and content creators who will suggest ND and RSD, so it is easy to think it is 'the thing'. When one's child is not developing in line with social, developmental or cognitive norms, we find ourselves desperate for answers. I totally understand how RSD becomes a plausible explanation, but I have found it much less disempowering, once I learnt about the shaky ground upon the idea of RSD was founded, to steer away from challenges with emotional regulation being somehow innate, and much more empowering to work on the idea that, like other behaviour and communication, this too can be addressed with appropriate practical and therapeutic tools.

Epic excuse! Dirty clothes on the bathroom floor is “a system” but a pile of folded clean clothes is a mess. Yeah right…..

He is inconsiderate. My DH would turn the light off once I roll over to go to sleep. He wouldn't put my clothes away, badly or not but also wouldn't be bothered if they were there for a day or two. Tell him he's being a jerk.

You sound v v annoying!

My DH reads a lot (retired) but he doesn’t read in bed ever as I can’t stand any lights on in the bedroom. He’ll read downstairs until he feels sleepy then comes to bed. He’ll use a pen torch when getting undressed as I’m already in bed asleep when he goes to bed. A bedside light would wake me up.

It’s not hard to be considerate towards your partner. 🤷🏻‍♀️

YANBU about the light and reading.

The clothes thing - that depends. Your 'a few things piled up' might be your idea of a few things but in reality might be a toppling pile of stuff that gets knocked off every time someone walks past (obviously I don't know, but I reserve judgement on that one).

But he does need to work on his reactions.

Hell will freeze before I wear an eye mask to bed in my own home. It is much more common and normal to respect others and take your reading elsewhere and let people sleep.

So you have different circumstances but generally it would be selfish to keep someone awake by leaving any light on. There are other ways, as people have suggested, a kindle with a back light.
My husband and I are both really bad sleepers but when we shared a bed neither of us would dream of keeping the other awake by leaving a light on.
Now the children are grown up and left home we sleep in separate rooms. It is bliss and we can visit each other from time to time.

I wonder how many men say they have rejection sensitivity dysphoria when in fact they are just being dicks

many of us are putting up with absolute man children

Indeed.

Agree with this. Courtesy to your partner is a basic expectation when in a relationship. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

My god, how do people live like this? He sounds awful.

A bed is mainly used for sleeping. So sleep trumps reading. Reading for a short while is okay but not until 2am, unless reading by a method that doesn’t disturb your partner. Shining a light in their face is not such a method

He likes to go to bed together, I also like to try and snap his neck with my thighs, I also very much like to read until stupid o'clock in a comfy bed, so we compromise around reading lights, sleep schedules etc.

From what I'm learning from my short stint on mumsnet is many of us are putting up with absolute man children, which leads to a lot of "why should I?" My original comment was along the lines of my DH could go sleep on the sofa if he didn't want me reading in bed, that wasn't okay apparently, but now me saying that if he wants to share a bed he can make adjustments is me being controlled?

I'm so confused. 😂

If they're delicate fabrics (and even if they're not) then they can tear pretty easily, especially along seams, and especially if being deliberately manhandled by someone strong (she said he scrunches things up into balls). That kind of handling can also mean they catch on the drawer or any loose bits of wood, especially if there's a trailing thread.

At any rate it's nasty behaviour. Clean clothes, folded, on top of a chest of drawers, are not an eyesore and even if they were, you don't treat the belongings of someone you love like that.

Really?

Why do his reading needs trump her sleeping needs up to 2am?

That's so selfish of him and would drive me mad.

If he won't get a backlit Kindle, look up "reading lights for books in bed" on Amazon. There are so many options!

Good luck OP

He’s better than he was but DH will say “I can’t do anything right” & I get bloody annoyed with it! We’re not talking about everything, just one thing!

Have you asked him why he feels the need to put your clothes in drawers for you?

He rips your clothes? I am very lazy and have lots of clothes and overflowing drawers so I jam mine in and I’ve never torn anything. How is he doing that - and why isn’t he horrified that he’s ruined something? I think he must be tearing them first and then shoving them in a drawer, and that’s a level of mean I really would LTB for, as it’s aggressive, wasteful and downright nasty.

Okay, so that needed to be in the main post. That alters the dynamic completely. He might be on the spectrum. I struggle with things not being how I need them to be. Your own mess isn't a 'mess' (well the one you described is!) because it's often a 'system' that makes sense in your own head. Like placing dirty stuff for washing on the floor in a certain location is fine but leaving clean clothes out, isn't. I probably have that same system but I use a laundry basket, not the floor.

But you initially said he liked to do it, so this was a compromise. Now it's suddenly something you want to do as well? (It wasn't even a compromise, it was what he wanted and hang your need for sleep or whether you might want to read somewhere else while he snores and hacks so you can't drop off.)

Pretty obvious the first story was the correct one, but there do seem to be a lot of men who think their wives are human teddy bears.

You obviously havent been on this forum very long then, virtually every thread about violent children is peppered with RSD excuses.