To make awful demands of DH

FFS!

He’s tight and can do what he likes

You’re wrong and must do as he says

I couldn't live with a man like that. You have to tell him he's bonkers..Good luck OP.

It's not PDA (I'm pretty sure PDA cannot be diagnosed as a stand alone - maybe I'm out of date but I don't think it's an official diagnosis at all, and the diagnosis as you say would be Autism, with PDA as trait descriptors?).

The OP is talking about something else entirely - Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSA) definitely is not a diagnosis, it's a term that can be used descriptively by mental health professionals but it is not a condition. It just means someone who is extremely emotionally sensitive to criticism and perceived rejection.

I’ve read all your posts now. He sounds abusive.

I’d make plans to leave.

YANBU. If your h is really concerned about things being tidy, he wouldn’t stuff your clothes away and leave bits hanging out, drawers open, etc.

And the reading light? he needs to get a Kindle. He’s being unfair.

and RSD??? Seems to be a stick to beat you with when you bring up a perfectly reasonable point, to make you shut up.

PDA is a disorder. But it’s normally associated with autism (sometimes ADHD too).
Ive never seen it used on its own.

Just another aspect of human personality that has been pathologised, becoming a disorder and then a disability. Absolutely sodding ridiculous. Oh, and now used as an excuse for people who don’t like to be told no.

So other people should do what you want them to because it drives you mad? You are responsible for your own feelings you can't go around controlling others in order to manage them.

Isn’t it funny how exactly similar to your bog standard abusive man his rsd is, where everything is your fault and even when it’s their fault it becomes your fault because you mentioned it. I’m not supporting a spouse through anything where the symptoms are curiously exactly the same as plain old abuse, he needs to get himself help or leave. If it turned out to be a brain tumour I’d give him another chance but I’m pretty willing to bet my house this man doesn’t have a brain tumour (or he may well, but it’s not what’s making him behave like this. That’s the asshole syndrome, incurable.)

Sorry lots of typos, this made me cross.
actually I am certain this is the tip of the iceberg, sounds like a v unpleasant man

So he can stuff your ironed clothes into drawer, but leaves his firty clothes on the floor.
Fuck him & the horse he rode in on.
Get mad. Does he ever iron anything ? Tell him he can ask if it bothers him, but if he ever crunches up your ironed laundry again he can iron his own clothes & you will show him the same courtesy.
As for the lamp, tell him to sodding shine it his book, Tosser.

In fact get your own house. Too annoying.

change the light bulb @jonesonscam 😉

p.s. don't tell him 🙈

He sounds an utter cunt, don’t make excuses for him with RSD ffs
Divorce him, why waste your one life with someone who doesn’t even like you.

I can't believe people are actually on here saying op should have put her clothes away before her shower and also let him keep her awake with his reading till gone midnight. Honestly, he seems very selective in what he is and isn't bothered by, if he was so bothered about things being tidy he wouldn't be chucking his own shit on the floor, and to keep someone awake in their own bed past midnight isn't on. He can read elsewhere, the bed is for sleeping! Yes some people can sleep with a light on but op can't and that's what matters. He's just not giving a shit really

@jonesonscam your dh is inconsiderate at the very least.
Im also Wonderimg if he is showing other controlling/punishing (? Seeing this happened on the back of the morning argument) behaviours tbh.

He did Somethimg that sometimes (often?) damages your belongings. He did it KNOWING you don’t like it because youve told him. That’s not just ‘rejection sensitivity’. That’s a very aggressive move.

And I’m not even going into the fa t he is doing that in such a way it has DAMAGED your stuff before. How can you damage clothes puttimg them in a drawer. I mean unless you’re purposefully doing it to damage said clothes,

I’m not sure why you can’t if you’re stopping the other person from sleeping.
what next? Watching Tv because it’s nicer in bed afd tge OP should also wear ear plugs if it disturbs her?

@jonesonscam

As your first complaint re your husband is how he puts away your laundry, had you done it before your shower he would not have been ' stuffing ' your clothes into a chest.

of course you can! If you're going to be reading until 2am you can read in literally any other room in the house. It's normal to not want to sleep with a light on.

Your clothes not being put away and him having the light on are red herrings.

You don’t like each other.
If it weren’t these things, you’d find other things to argue about.

Do you have DCs?
How long has this been going on?

Perhaps a serious conversation about whether you’re both going to try and make this work or separate is needed.
Neither of you can continue living like this.

OP has tried to communicate with her DH but supposedly that is when his RSD kicks in

I’ve read most of the thread and I think all the ops post, and if rejection sensitive dysphoria makes you an asshole to your wife and also stops her from commenting on this in any way, then he needs to be single. And if there’s no diagnosis and he is just an asshole who thinks the ops feelings, sleep, work load and general opinion about anything at all is completely irrelevant to him then he really needs to be single, starting years ago.

Yes very annoying.

At no point did I say I wouldn't have a conversation with my DH about it if he bought it up. I think the key differences that I'm learning as I scroll mumsnet is a lot of you (not all) are very resentful because of an inability to communicate (whichever partner that may be) leading to a complete lack of flexibility or compromise.

It's so weird.