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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel unsure about my mother-in-law's behaviour and how to deal with it going forward?

35 replies

LJaneE92 · 11/07/2026 21:05

Hi,

I don’t want to say I have a nightmare MIL, because there are lots of threads like that. I’m not sure to be honest, but it would be good to get some unbiased opinions.

Pretty much since I’ve been with my partner, my MIL has made a lot of negative comments towards me - be it about money, our house, my pregnancy and birth, as well as just general comparisons to my sister in law and it’s been getting me down. Particularly the comments about our house.

Some examples include, but are not limited to:

Pregnancy and birth:
-Stating my sister in law had the worse sickness you could have in pregnancy, whilst I was suffering with morning sickness and mild Hyperemesis at that moment.
-After needing an Emergency c-section, her getting in our car on the way home from the hospital (because my partner wanted her there) and asking why I didn’t just elect to have a c-section (basically like SIL did). I wanted a natural birth, but my placenta became infected unfortunately.

Our Home:
-That it’s small and doesn’t have much of a garden.
-That SIL doesn’t have a mortgage and we do.

Money:
-That we’d need to win the lottery to buy a bigger car (which would always be a second hand car of course).
-That we basically don’t have a lot of money (which how would she know anyway?)

She also just states that me and my SIL are very different people. I’m assuming I come off worse in that regard.

My partner does know about these comments, and has stuck up for me once or twice, but doesn’t like confrontation and mostly doesn’t say anything when I tell him because it’s his Mum you know? I understand I’m putting him in an awkward position.

I would like a practical way to ensure she can still be a grandmother to our DS, and because I love and respect my partner so much, I want to keep the peace with his Mum and not cause him upset. So far, I’ve put her on an ‘information diet’ so she just doesn’t know what’s going on with us until she absolutely has to. She doesn’t know about the nursery place for our DS or our plans for weaning for example. I’d like to also avoid her coming to our house as much as possible. She currently wants to come up once a week to help out as I’m on maternity leave, but I’m running out of believable excuses as to why I’m busy that day. AIBU to try and always meet her outside our home? And would you say this is typical MIL behaviour? I don’t want to brand her as a nightmare at this point. My parents think she’s jealous, but I’m not sure about that.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
ShakaWhenTheWallsFell · 11/07/2026 21:28

MIL "I think I should come over every Tuesday to help during your mat leave
You "haha! That's a bit much isn't it! No, thanks for the offer, but I don't want to be tied down to a schedule. I'm sure Dave will drop you a message to invite you over when he's not working"

Original poster
LJaneE92 · 11/07/2026 21:25

SIL is not her daughter. But she’s married to her favourite son.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 11/07/2026 21:21

I don’t agree with your parents that they are jealous of you. It sounds more like they think SIL is just better. I presume she is their daughter?
I wouldn’t see her alone if she’s being a bitch when it’s just you-tell your husband to go and see her at the weekend with the baby.

If she says things like, ‘you and my daughter are very different people’, I’d laugh and say, of course we are!

PrincessofWills · 11/07/2026 21:18

I think you should do absolutely what you want but the consequences may be far reaching. Alternatively just exercise resilience with the relationship and realise you are very different people.

ShanghaiDiva · 11/07/2026 21:16

If you don’t want her to come to your home (and it’s understandable why you would not) then say let’s meet at x place. If she pursues the issue then say home doesn’t work for me at the moment. You don’t have to explain or justify your decision.

Morepositivemum · 11/07/2026 21:13

To me they just sound like she says what she thinks, be it idiotic or not!! I don’t know that it’s worth anything rather than a roll of the eyes and a ‘sorry what was that?’ so she has to repeat it and then that makes her sound terrible (although some people will say break up the family by going nc and make dh never talk to his mum again!)

Harrietsaunt · 11/07/2026 21:12

I would continue to keep her at arms length. DH can make the effort to go and see her if he’s bothered.

nutbrownhare15 · 11/07/2026 21:11

'did you mean that to come across as rude mil?'

BeardySchnauzer · 11/07/2026 21:09

You don’t need an excuse not to see her - if you only want to meet outside the house just tell her where and when you can meet and leave her at that. But her son can manage the relationship ultimately

then just learn the saint like patient smile. Every time she says something negative just smile serenely and then go to the other room and clean the toilet or get yourself a drink.

and just be very clear that you are the mother and you will not allow things to happen you are not comfortable with

if she thinks your a bitch and slags you off - well no difference to how she currently behaves

Strawberries86 · 11/07/2026 21:09

You are being too nice to a mil that doesn’t worry about upsetting you and to a partner that is failing to prioritise you and stand up for you.

Sometimes you need to draw a line in the sand that mil learns there are consequence should she cross it.

You don’t need to completely cut her off, I’m not suggesting that but decide what is acceptable behaviour and challenge anything that falls short of it.

You’re a mum, protect yourself the way you would want someone to protect your baby. You are just as worthy as respect.

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