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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No party bag for DS

164 replies

girlmummy25 · 11/07/2026 21:02

My SIL done a small party for my 10 year old niece which my DD age 7 and DS age 3.5 (nearly 4) went to. There was 11 kids there.
When everybody was leaving her DD handed out the party bags and there was not enough for my DD and DS.
When I asked her if my kids were meant to have one she said ‘oh your DD should of had one but I think another kid has took it’ but nothing about my DS as she didnt get him one!!
My DS was really crying and my DD was on the verge of tears as all the other kids were opening their party bags infront of them.
I was so angry I left (I was meant to be staying for a bit longer as it was at my MIL & FILs house), as I was leaving her partner was rummaging around and managed to chuck a few sweets in 2 bags and gave them to my kids.
ok so maybe my DD not having one was an honest mistake from someone else taking it but to not even get my DS one, I was fuming.
also why on earth was she 2 party bags short in the first place when she knew exactly who was coming - there was no unexpected guests.
some may say oh its because DS is a boy and younger but in my eyes that shouldnt matter.
AIBU by being so angry about this?

OP posts:
Katflapkit · 12/07/2026 00:07

I always did a few spare party bags and special ones for any siblings I had agreed to. More importantly, as my kids were obsessed with party bags - I kept a couple of filled bags hidden in the glove compartment.

Didn't want to face a twin melt down on the way home. Only had to use them once when the parents had two boxes of part bags and legt one of them at home. Now they are late teens, they laugh when I tell them how obsessed they were with party bags.

WinterAconite · 11/07/2026 23:58

SuddenLightbulb · 11/07/2026 23:49

Well, his mother’s behaviour has almost certainly ensured he’ll be left out altogether in future.

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Probably for the best if they're too chaotic to organise enough party bags. Its not exactly hard. They might forget to provide enough party meals next time too. Or not book enough spaces

RampantIvy · 11/07/2026 23:55

Slottiethesluttie · 11/07/2026 23:52

Yes it does. Boys and men don’t trump everyone else

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?

DaisyDooley · 11/07/2026 23:52

Youneed to grow up before your kids are teenagers as they really don’t need a drama queen for a mum
Did you REALLY get ‘so angry’over a couple of party bags??
Way to make sure your kids aren’t invited to their next party family or not.

Slottiethesluttie · 11/07/2026 23:52

RampantIvy · 11/07/2026 23:46

Oh, so that makes it OK then - to upset a little boy and make him feel left out? Hmm

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Yes it does. Boys and men don’t trump everyone else

SuddenLightbulb · 11/07/2026 23:49

RampantIvy · 11/07/2026 23:46

Oh, so that makes it OK then - to upset a little boy and make him feel left out? Hmm

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Well, his mother’s behaviour has almost certainly ensured he’ll be left out altogether in future.

JMSA · 11/07/2026 23:48

RampantIvy · 11/07/2026 23:46

Oh, so that makes it OK then - to upset a little boy and make him feel left out? Hmm

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He’ll live.

JMSA · 11/07/2026 23:48

Jesus, these things happen.

RampantIvy · 11/07/2026 23:46

beautyqueeen · 11/07/2026 22:22

Come on a 3yr old boy doesn’t get invited to an 11 yr old girls party! He was there because you’re family that’s all.

Im guessing the party bags were created to the taste of preteen girls hence unsuitable for your preschooler.

Oh, so that makes it OK then - to upset a little boy and make him feel left out? Hmm

Calliopespa · 11/07/2026 23:43

Harrietsaunt · 11/07/2026 21:07

I would be a bit miffed but you seem inordinately angry

This OP.

It wasn't ideal but things can go wrong with party organisation: I think she has been thinking about the 10 year old girls and wasn't bracketing your DS with them in her mind.

She ought to have thought of him, I agree, but I think it was probably innocent enough. After all, she let him come along so she isn't looking to snub him. Don't let it become a big deal.

SonK · 11/07/2026 23:42

I would be upset as well OP, simply because it would mean a lot to children and they would feel left out without understanding the error or seeing it through an adult lense.

Ignore the rude comments calling your children ungrateful or stating you are ridiculous.

SuddenLightbulb · 11/07/2026 23:41

ZanyPoet · 11/07/2026 23:39

more understandable than the OP having a tantrum about it

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Well, she’s modelling ‘If you don’t get what you want, it’s fine to throw yourself about screaming’.

ZanyPoet · 11/07/2026 23:39

calltheyep · 11/07/2026 23:14

Your children are crying over party bags?

more understandable than the OP having a tantrum about it

LilOleMe2 · 11/07/2026 23:32

calltheyep · 11/07/2026 23:14

Your children are crying over party bags?

This.
You are raising them to be ungracious entitled brats!
They are both much younger than the birthday girl and inviting them especially your ds was very kind but as they say no good deed goes unpunished!

RitaFires · 11/07/2026 23:32

Whether you're unreasonable or not really depends on the context of your relationship with SIL. If this is just another in a long list of slights and now she's taken it out on the children then it's understandable that you'd be upset and leave.
If there's no backstory and it was just an accidental not having one party bag and not including the 3 year old in the bags then it seems like an overreaction.

Ohdearnotthisagain · 11/07/2026 23:29

Massive overreaction.

Also why is a three year old in the midst of a ten year old cousin’s party? Weird.

At least you’ve given the rest of the family something to gossip about for the next couple of weeks:-)

Slottiethesluttie · 11/07/2026 23:25

She was fooming I tell you, fooming

Ilovelurchers · 11/07/2026 23:25

Sadly, worse things will happen to your children. It's mildly annoying at most - your rage is disproportionate to the event.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/07/2026 23:24

calltheyep · 11/07/2026 23:14

Your children are crying over party bags?

Kids being kids.

Btowngirl · 11/07/2026 23:23

I’d be a bit put out but your anger seems disproportionate unless there is a history of this sort of behaviour? Storming out seems a bit OTT and probably didn’t help with your kids crying about it.

estrogone · 11/07/2026 23:23

Your anger and abrupt departure will have not have helped.

Sorry DS & DD it looks like there was an issue with the party bags. That's sad but it happens - here is an extra piece of cake and part favour.

Jobs a goodun.

What you did reinforced their upset and made it worse.

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 11/07/2026 23:20

Maybe use it as an opportunity to teach your children that life doesn’t always go exactly as they want and that they can’t just cry about every little thing. The fact that you were “fuming” tells me that won’t, though. Grow up 🙄

Starzinsky · 11/07/2026 23:17

Parents have enough on their plates hosting parties without family members having tantrums over trivial things.

Slottiethesluttie · 11/07/2026 23:17

Imagine storming out of a family member’s party because your toddler didn’t get a 10yr old’s party bag. So embarrassing

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 11/07/2026 23:16

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 11/07/2026 22:51

Why were they sitting round opening party bags? Surely you give them at the end of the party as the kids are leaving.
A few sweets (which you say the kids did get) and a bit of plastic tat isn't worth storming out over. Yes, your children might have been upset but I'm sure they'd be over it by tomorrow. Or if you were that worried you could have got them something on the way home.

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That’s pretty standard for children to start rummaging around in them while parents are getting coats on and saying goodbye.

OP, I think you’ve had a hard time on here. There will always be posters who feel that anything more than a slice of cake is completely unnecessary and any child who gives out anything more than a second hand book and some seeds is doing the work of the devil. Ignore them. It wouldn’t have taken her any effort to buy some sweets for your DS, and for such a small amount of children, to have kept a closer eye on which children were taking more than one party bag. These things matter massively to children and I would have been annoyed with her as well.