No party bag for DS

She should have had some sweets for your DS but I wouldn’t have assumed a party bag - they are usually tailored to the party, so a girl aged 10.

OP made it out to be a massive deal, which it is not.

The people who would be fine with this are secure adults, who are not enmeshed with their own children's social lives, and who would acknowledge that sometimes trifles get overlooked or mismanaged, and that, as this was a cousin's party and the OP's two children are much younger and invited primarily because they're family, that it's most obvious they should take the 'hit'.

A secure parent would minimise and distract if their children were upset, not throw a tantrum, modelling to a four year old and a seven year old that this is normal behaviour when there's a perception of a slight.

Most kids don't like to be excluded though no matter how much they really like the crappy party bag it's never a nice feeling.

My son wouldn't be arsed about a party bag. He's 8 going on 18!

The people who'd be fine with this are probably people who don't give a shit about their own kids. ie. Crap parents

I don't think that that's what the OP meant. If I understand correctly, there never was a party bag for her son, whereas there supposedly was one for the daughter, but it went astray.

In other words, there was no consideration for the son at all.

Unless the PIL or SIL find out she was angry - then I think she probably has embarrassed herself. Massive difference between I took DS home as he was upset (reasonable) vs I’m angry myself.

OP hasn't embarassed herself at all. Of course a three year old will be upset when every other child has a party bag and they have been deliberately left out.

'Get a grip' is the mantra of posters with no empathy or emotional intelligence.

Children of all ages can have things explained to them in a breezy tone that reduces the upset in these kinds of situations. “Oh Auntie Ethel had a problem with the party bags and I said you’d be nice to her and not take one so that all of cousin Bernard’s friends could get one and she was so happy with you helping her like that. I said we’d go to the shop and buy a magazine / sweet / slime instead”.

She didn't enter into their tantrums. She understood her children's distress, and took them away from it. As I said it means very little to an adult but a child would see it as rejection, and very unfair.. and as we know unfairness to a child is a cardinal sin.
Leaving may not be what your adult, socially minded brain would suggest, but she wanted to protect her children from more distress. Differing viewpoints.

Annoying yes. Something to get this angry over. Really not. Never mind kids, sometime things go wrong and there aren't enough. Let's look for a lolly/cake/sweets in the kitchen. I wonder if SIL really wanted to invite them or if it was family pressure.

My kids now older but I didn’t do party bags, we bought book bundles from the book people and gave a book each and a slice of cake. Most other families in my DCs classes copied as the parents also hate plastic rubbish. When younger cousins came the books may not have been suitable eg fairy princess book ok for girls ages 7-10 less so for 3 year old boy.

The OP is an adult, though. She doesn’t have a ‘little brain’. Being ‘attuned’ to your children does not mean entering into their tantrums! The OP is being a drama llama, and is teaching her children that this is fine. The appropriate adult response is to minimise, distract and remove, not to storm out.

This really doesn’t matter. Why do people not have the ability to shake this sort of minor issue off anymore?

Those saying "it's only a party bag" are looking at it from an adults point of view. In a child's little world, when everyone else is given something and you aren't it seems incredibly unfair and unkind and they react the only way their little brains can. They feel rejected and excluded, and the OP is clearly tuned in to her children.

Why is it a bigger deal your son didn’t get one than your daughter? Surely it’s the same? Why is it more unfortunate for him, when your daughter saw multiple other girls more closely her age getting them, and she didn’t?

Well we don't know because the OP didn't even try she just left in a strop.

It's all about how we model behaviour, if the OP had modelled the situation in a positive way then her children would have most likely acted positively.

I hate the resilience trope. Let's just make sure we bully all children and make them feel excluded to instill some good resilience in to them🙄

YOU might have been glad- I'm sure your children wouldn't have felt the same way if they were the oniy ones not to get one.

How much more resilience would kids have if parents didn't put whatever issues they have on to them

You’re right that the one-year-old wouldn’t have known any different. However, OP’s children are seven and nearly four and were both visibly upset not to get a party bag.

How do you know they would have easily placated by extra time with their cousins/on the bouncy castle? When some kids are upset about a perceived injustice, it can be impossible to fob them off with something else.

@Nadsthakur you can report your post (or someone else can) and they will delete it. Probably too late at night to do so but it can be deleted tomorrow

Sorry OP, you have to let tet this go, and not make a big deal of it to your children.
Compensate them by spoiling them yourself with choosing some sweets instead.
It is galling, your SIL sounds tight and yes, that is rubbish, but her DH did rustle up some sweets for them.
Now you know to expect little from her. Get something yourself so they are not disappointed and move on.
Dont let the kids get themselves into feeling hard done by mode. They should pick up on the fact that It happens from time to time in life, but they have great parents who are there to cheer them up - that way they will learn to be resilient and small slights by thoughtless people won't break them

Oh dear im new to this not sure how i posted on someone else's. Just said add post. Now how do I delete it. Sorry😞

My toes are curling with embarrassment for you. Here’s a word of advice, little boys matter exactly the same amount as little girls. Take people for who they are, not their sex, I have made a quick judgement on the sort of person you are