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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this put you off sex with your husband ?

134 replies

wouldthis · 11/07/2026 19:30

He often talks about how we don’t have sex enough and if only we could have sex more, he’d be happier. Less grumpy, he’d stop smoking etc.

he says he doesn’t care if I work or make money as long as I have sex with him regularly.

this was a recent comment as I changed my work life recently and I’m not making as much. I stepped away from a corporate role.

he just makes these comments and I just don’t feel great about them. If I say no, he gets in a mood, which I hate.

I basically never want to do it and just do it to keep the peace.

we don’t do it that often, once or twice a week.

am I normal that the attitude just puts me off ?

OP posts:
PetulaGordeno · 11/07/2026 20:28

A sulky man is not a sexy man. Eek.

Sparrowsandbudgies · 11/07/2026 20:27

caefe · 11/07/2026 20:23

Utterly vile. He views you as a vessel.

Yep. Total ick.

Babanafroufrou · 11/07/2026 20:26

And how long have you been together?

Babanafroufrou · 11/07/2026 20:25

Does he work? Do you have kids?

Tunnocks34 · 11/07/2026 20:24

It’s absolutely not right he puts pressure on you and it wouldn’t make me want to have sex either so you’re definitely not being unreasonable.

BUT there does sound like there is sexual incompatibility in your marriage which cannot be easy on either of you. Have you reflected on why you don’t want to have sex? Is it a low sex drive or lack of attraction to your husband? Something you can work on or not? Sex is an important part of marriage so whatever set up you have has to work for both partners.

caefe · 11/07/2026 20:23

Utterly vile. He views you as a vessel.

Tben · 11/07/2026 20:22

It’s fine to have an adult conversation about your sex life but this doesn’t sound like an adult conversation. It sounds like putting you under pressure.

As for more sex stopping him smoking - what else is it the miracle cure for? Bunions? War?

hattie43 · 11/07/2026 20:20

Sorry OP but no-one should put pressure on you to have sex if you don’t want it .

Flipflopflipflapper · 11/07/2026 20:19

How often does he want it? How often do you want it? Has there always been a mismatch?
my view: it’s ok for him to express he’d like it more.. just as your allowed to want it less… but weird for him to use sex frequency as a checkpoint to then begin stopping smoking/doing other stuff.