Would this put you off sex with your husband ?

She says she still wants sex but not with him. I think she's had her head turned somewhere.

Of course he knows, firstly there's no way you can't feel how tense somebody's body is if they are clenching their teeth. Secondly, why would he be trying to bargain with her (smoking) if he thought she already wanted sex?? He knows, he just couldn't give a shit.

And to people saying why doesn't he leave if he isn't getting enough sex (boak). Unfortunately, I've heard it from the horses mouth recently, men will prioritise regular sex (and once to twice a week is regular) over a dry spell of six months where he has to find and programme another sex bot.

Does he know how you feel about sex with him?

It is usual to have sex in a relationship. Having sex when you don’t really want to in order to keep the peace, which is what you imply, is horrible. Not having sex is horrible too.

I never wanted sex ever again when I started the menopause. Once my hormones settled, the desire came back.

For some reason she never communicated with him. He would have, quite rightly, ended the marriage. She never gave him that option.

Huge assumption you made there. Many women do tell their partners they don't want sex or that they have no libido after kids etc but their partner still wants sex anyway.

You'd think that they would end the marriage, but many don't and just keep badgering for sex. The internet is full of stories like this.

She said years ago she it was almost completely unbearable, she would scream in her head, clench her teeth and the dread was unbelievable. There's no way on this earth he didn't know she didn't want it. He might not have known it was as bad as it was but he obviously knew she wasn't enjoying it.

Instant ick

Also ask him why he wants to have sex with someone what doenst want to have sex with him

then ask him if he understands consent
and show him the tea video on YouTube

Guessing he’s pressured you into it so many times it’s actually totally put you off it with him perhaps for life now
understanably as it’s isnsexual cohersion
its illegal

Ask Him how he would feel if you said want to fuck him up the ask with a strap on for half an hour several times a week and if he doenst let you get all moody with him
tell him not to worry about the pain
you can use some lube

see his face react to that

i suspect you’ll be put off him for life for being a bit rapey also
sex is not a need

Having sex once a decade is too much if you don’t want it. I don’t know how you can bear it twice a week, he sounds horrible, please leave him.

But her wanting it did. That's what she asked about. Unless he's got money and she thought he'd do as the father of the babies she wanted, there was a time when he wanted sex with him. Or, as I asked, it was an arranged marriage. She's kept having sex to stay in the marriage, it's a choice. For some reason she never communicated with him. He would have, quite rightly, ended the marriage. She never gave him that option. She has had agency. She's chosen to stay. We owe our spouse honesty and if we can't be honest, then that's a reason to end things.

You don’t have to do it. Yes the moody, passive aggressive, horrible feeling in the air will be unbearable. But saying no, not doing it, might reveal to you his worst side and give you the breakthrough reason you need to leave him.
If you’re just waiting for something terrible enough to happen so that you can give yourself your own permission to separate…. Don’t have sex when you don’t want to.

Do both of you a favour and have an honest conversation about it. If it's a deal breaker for either of you, walk away. Life's too short

It’s not you, it’s him.
This sounds utterly horrific.
Please please speak to someone and extricate yourself & your kids away from this man.
My heart goes out for you.
Sweetheart - this is rape. How can he do this to you over & over?
Get legal advice, get away from him then get some therapy .

Have you met someone else? I only ask because you said you had a recent sexual awakening.

I went through something similar but when I stepped back I realized it was less about awful sex and more about the control and abuse I was ignoring.

When my head was turned I looked into why.

You don’t want to have sex with him. It’s kind of the start and end of it

That’s not a failing on your part. You just don’t want to have sex with them anymore, and that’s fine. It happens. You need to move on You can’t put yourself through this any longer

You find the repulsive and his behaviour really isn’t helping

@wouldthis

1-Sex should never be a bargaining chip, period. This goes both for "I'll give you sex if you...." and "If you give me sex I will....". Both are equally wrong.

He uses sex as a bargaining chip for things he thinks you want. Can you see how wrong this is?

2-Here is a great truth my mum told me about sex; It should be a 'joyous coming together' of husband and wife (being born in 1922 marital sex was the only sex, God love her!) as an expression of their love. But her meaning was clear, both people should be eager and happy to have sex. No one should have sex when they don't want to for any reason.

You say you have been known to 'grit your teeth' to get through it. Can you see how wrong this is?

You indicate that you only feel this way about him. So I'll assume you feel sexual desire in some form for some male of the species, even if it's a 'crush' on a film star. If this is so then it's time to leave. Actually, it's time to leave anyway. Both of you deserve to have the sex life (or lack thereof) that each of you want.

That seems so transactional and manipulative. No wonder you don't want to touch him. Placing the blame on you for him being a twat is obviously going to make you resent him which has the natural consequence of you not eating to have sex with him.

He’s a pest.

2 x per week is ok?

I would hate for my h to equate all those things like not working etc as long as we had enough sex. So transactional.

This behaviour would make me drier than the sahara desert and Id divorce a man that smoked. Still if he smokes it will mean he'll be impotent soon.

Have you explained to him that you hate having sex with him, and that you only do it to stop him sulking?

What kind of person would want to have sex with someone that had to grit their teeth to get through it.

Did you used to enjoy sex? With anyone else?

To be honest… I wouldn’t feel valued enough to fancy having sex with someone who instead of making an effort to get you interested, from helping with the house to probably date nights at least a couple of times a month is acting resentful because you only want to have sex twice a week??? As if it was his right and your obligation?
Many people do not even manage that especially when young kids are around.

Um, what? He sounds like a fucking rapist. I'm nauseous reading this.

OP you have been having non-consensual sex for years. There is a word for that. There is absolutely no way your husband is not aware of this, and he doesn’t care. He has been raping you.

He’d stop smoking if you have more sex? What’s the correlation there? Oh right, emotional manipulation and sexual coercion.

Sex didn’t stop.

The OP has been continually coerced into sex and, understandbly, now finds the serial rapist to whom she is married to be repulsive.