AIBU to feel betrayed after protecting my son’s secret for years?

You didn't keep a secret. There was no prosecution or charge. Who were you going to tell.

But does this really have anything to do with the fact you raised the baby for a year and now they want to cut you out. Nobody could really comment on this meaningfully on the information you've given.

I feel like this is a situation partially of your own making, sheltering an abuser.

Unless you are worried for the safety of your grandson, you are just feeling powerless and seeking revenge. It’s just bitterness.

You need to separate the issue with the indecent images with the access to your grandchild.

You chose to hide his secret and not really explore what really happened. Does he still pose a risk to others? Children? His own child?

Your only case for pushing for contact or care of the child is if they are at risk and not being cared for.

Outside of that, it’s awful for you that you can’t see the child any more and it all sounds really shit and toxic.

Wow, d you have a heart?
Brutally unkind post

There are so many issues here.

I am amazed you ‘swept under the carpet’ something as serious as this. Surely, you felt the need to have important discussions with your son, decide what you understood to have happened and ensure he was getting help, at the very least?

Beyond that, there are clearly very profound issues both with your DS & his partner; you need specialist advice but focusing on this ‘secret’ is not where your energy should be.

A little boy is living with a paedophile who neglected him from the moment he was born. And you're whining because you covered up for this paedophile and he's not being nice to you now.... Priorities?

Does social services know he was arrested for viewing child abuse images? Insane the child has been given back to him but they're bloody useless quite frankly.

Surely ss would be all over your son as safeguarding incident ?

sorry you’re incorrect RE police. They can get a warrant for 1 download. Also if they have taken no further action against him then it is not likely that anything was found once his phone was forensically examined.
im not at all commenting on your situation individually but just making you aware that that is not the case

I’m not really sure what the connection with the secret is- what are you going to do with it? Noone else you can tell will be interested surely? I don’t understand why this holds some sort of power for you. “Keeping his secret“ is just the way families work really?!

your son sounds awful and I can imagine how wretched you feel raising him for a year and having him taken away, but there is no revenge to be had here

What was going on with your son that he and his girlfriend didn’t want to raise the baby? And what led them to change their minds and want the baby back?

That must really hurt 😔. My guess is that they are cutting you out to break the bond you have because they feel threatened by it. You are also a very constant reminder that they effectively abandoned their child in his first year.

This has absolutely nothing to do with your son’s previous behaviour though. What would you hope to gain, other than revenge, by sharing what you know?

Did the baby's parents actually want him back??

Seems strange if they had no interest then suddenly go to court to get him back. If they wanted him adopted ( which was their choice that you jumped in to stop) why do they now want him back

What happens next time they lose interest?

You need legal advice and to apply for contact with your grandson. It sounds like you're the only 'parents' he's known for a year? This is exactly the sort of situation that the rules around GPs getting contact were designed for.

Your DSs history, as foul as it is, is irrelevant unless it has some bearing on your GSs safety.

Sorry your bitter nd looking to twist things.

You should have allowed the baby to be adopted rather than going against their wishes.

I’d be concerned your son is trying to isolate his son because he’s a paedophile. I’d discuss this with the police.

First of all don’t do anything that you may later regret.

Your posts come across as though you were not concerned about the child abuse images or your grandchild’s safety but you’re now using this as a way to get back at your son.

If social services were involved they would know about the images but if you think there is the tiniest chance that the child is in danger then you need to contact them asap.

What outcome do you want?
Do you want the child to be given back to you, be taken away completely or a better relationship with your son?

If the police didn't take action against your son following their visit and talk with him, it does suggest that they didn't think it was worthwhile to pursue.

I feel your pain and concern for your DGC, but I can't see that bringing this up now is going to help anyone at all. It can only do damage and make reconciliation later more difficult.

You have to be the grown up, keep the lines of communication open, I'm of grandparent age (but don't have gcs) and so several friends have been through similar and you have to bite your tongue.

I really don't think you can weaponise this secret ..it's unrelated to your being cut off by your son. I'm assuming you checked social services were aware when they made the assessments to return your grandchild to their parents. Is there a plan is place with social services that includes you in circles of support?

Have you told your son how much you miss your grandchild?

If you are concerned for you Grandsons safety in your sons care you need to report him to social services.

If you’re concerned that he’s at risk of sexual abuse you need to also speak to social services and the police.

Ok so your son's secret will still be on police files acted on or not because it's safeguarding so there is nothing to be done there. Did you have dealings with the social worker reports etc. unfortunately they must feel the parents have now shown they can be good parents....another discussion but hey ho....as such they get another go. Your best chance of contact is to be non judgemental...very hard...supportive if given the chance and acknowledge...even if you doubt it...to them that they need time to bond and be parents which is hard if you are there ... hopefully things work out and they become greatful for your support and come back into your life as grandparents not surrogates....it's really tough and painful but that baby is so lucky to have you.
.

So your son and his girlfriend are still together? Social work must have assessed them as fit to parent though understand why this must be painful watching from afar as you now are. What would you like to see happen?

You were happy to keep his secret when it benefitted you but now you want to use it against him. I don't think any of you sound like suitable carers for the child. Shouldn't your concern really be that the child is not safe with your son.

But what has happened now that they’re cutting you out of his life, has there been a fall out over something?

I think you need to separate the police incident from this, I understand you feel betrayed after being loyal to your son but revenge won’t help you see your grandson.

This is by far and away the best drip feed I've ever read on here. Bravo.