AIBU to feel betrayed after protecting my son’s secret for years?

If hed let you have contact with your grandchild then youd keep it quiet that hes a sex offender?

Yes, but the court are operating on now, whether the child is able to be adequately cared for by his parents now. I mean, surely that’s what you want too?

Does the mum of your grandson know his dad is a pedophile?
I'd have disowned any 4 of my sons for doing what he did. Just one picture is one too many.

Yes, this is what I'm hearing. The OP is making this all about her. The son hasn't made food choices, but whatever the police did or didn't find was clearly not very serious. What this has to do with the custody of the grandchild I don't know.

As this was NFA by the police it may be that this was a picture of a 16 or 17 year old (which is classed as minor for indecent photos etc). Not great but given he was 18 himself at the time it doesn't necessarily make him a danger to children. The most likely scenario if you share this secret is that your son and his girlfriend will separate and you will lose all contact with the child.

The 2 things are totally unrelated.

Your son had indecent images on his phone, and you chose to sweep it under the carpet to keep the peace, protect him, protect your family name. You chose it because it suited you. That's on you.

The thing with your grandson is a different thing entirely. They didn't want him. You raised him for a year. Now they want him. Ultimately, the court in reunification. They could be excluding you for a number of reasons, guilt, wanted to build a relationship and feeling like your presence impacts that. Whatever. They are the legal parents and its their perogative. You have no rights. I can see why it would make you angry, but it's nothing to do with the first issue.

As long as they continue to want him. If they get fed up then the kids will be shunted somewhere else.

As a previous poster said the baby would've been better off being adopted before it ends up screwed up

. They’re making a home for the child. They are his parents that is where he is best placed.

Oh there's always some arsehole who wants to stick the knife in 🙄.

@Lovinggran has pulled her life out of shape in order to protect her son and her grandson. Now she's being rejected and is understandably upset. What's so hard to understand about that?

Poor child, no one seems to be thinking of his best interests.

All of this.

Always remember that multiple issues can be true at once - even if there is overlap between them.

Sadly, all you can reasonably do at this point is offer assistance, assure them that you will always be there for them, and take a big step back - hard as this must be.

Poor wee thing. It would have been better if he had been adopted out of this hot mess.

No she didn't shelter an abuser. Read the post properly. The police took NFA. If the son was an abuser they would have prosecuted . The 'secret' is the fact he was investigated. As there was NFA there's no need for anyone else to know about it.

And now you’re worried he had the child to commit further sexual offences? Was any of this apparent growing up?

Tbf considering that OP admits she swept child abuse images under the carpet, I think posters have been incredibly kind.

Plus why did the son and his girlfriend keep the entire pregnancy secret from health professionals?

Was the grandson born witout the assistance of midwiferry and other clinical staff?

I'd be concerened the son and his girlfriend had some kind of learning difficulty and/or mental illness

Seeing it was the childs grandmother caring for it of course they knew where it was

And it was the childs home

Not entirely certain why the parents of the child knew where it was, or why they suddenly wanted to remove it from (what it would have believed was) its ‘home’.?

No need to be angry. Contact the authorities and deal with it head on

How is this matter a 'secret' if police have already been involved and investigated? secret from whom? if you mean the girlfriend,you;re still being unreasonable because 1. Its up top your ds to share that
2.It was an NFA so of no consequence to their relationship or new baby
except now you've said he might have a long track record of doing this which muddles things a bit. The point is you dont know anything for sure.

Are you saying you want to revisit your son's offences with a view to declaring him unfit and.getting custody of your grandson?

It is a very distressing situation for you, but a separate issue from the indecent image.

The way in which you speak of the indecent image suggests that what concerns you most about it is that you kept a secret for him. But surely if it has any continuing significance, it is in relation to your grandchild's safety and wellbeing. Presumably, though, it has been taken into account by the court and they have made a decision based on the child's interests.

Your priorities seem a little distorted by your anger. That is understandable, but you need to find a way forward that meets your grandson's needs, and that won't be done by ruminating about the past

I can understand you being upset. But, the image is a separate issue. You let it go 5 years ago and now you are hurt you are thinking about telling others. It sounds like revenge and that is not a route I'd suggest taking with your own son.
Social services and the courts would have known all about the arrest so it makes no difference to who cares for the child.

My heart goes out to you OP.
I don't have any words of advice that will change the situation.
Your situation is heart wrenching and complicated.
It is unclear why your son and his GF now want to be parents to your grandson. I would hope that ss are involved they would need to be given them previously rejecting their child.
You have every right to be angry and upset but you need to separate your son's previous encounter with the police to the current situation. Nothing will be gained by bringing that up.
Please take care of yourself OP.
Is there any way bridges might be able to be built?
You have looked after your grandson for a year and to be not allowed to see him is crucifying.
Would you consider sending your son a heartfelt letter to let him know how you feel. Try not to be angry and criticise, however hard that is.
Sending you virtual strength OP.
It's very important to take care of yourself.

I feel like I'm viewing this situation quite differently to most other posters here. You said in your post that your son told the police that 'he didn't know she was underage' which suggests that the image was perhaps a picture he received (and subsequently shared with someone else) from a younger teenage girl. Before I get jumped on, I'm not suggesting at all that this is ok, but it is very different to 'viewing pictures of child abuse' as someone said up thread. It would also be consistent with the lack of action or arrest from the police. It also doesn't then follow that he's a danger to his child.

I also wonder about your decision to care for your grandson after the parents had decided to have him adopted. Putting myself in that position, I can't imagine making that very difficult decision, only to have it overturned by my parents. Could this be where the difficulty in your relationship stems from? I would be interested to hear your son and his girlfriend's take on this. People on here advise others to go NC for (IMO) really trivial reasons and this sounds to me like the same story but from the other side.

And also, I'm sorry to say, you're not covering yourself in glory by considering blowing your son's secret wide open. It just makes you sound vindictive.