AIBU to feel betrayed after protecting my son’s secret for years?

Who is defending him? Who should she tell? I wouldn’t be sharing that if it was anyone in my family tbh

Imagine defending a man ‘sharing’ photos of any woman- regardless of age.

she knew he was a wrongun. They wanted to keep it on the down low… shudders

OP, I assume when you say you kept his secret, you mean from friends etc not from professionals involved? As if police were aware, ss would have been too?

They wanted to make an adoption plan and you intervened.

I’m adopted and thank heavens my grandma didn’t keep me. She deliberately didn’t because she knew if she kept me and my siblings, we’d never have a chance.

How has she covered it up? What could she have done? The police didn’t take it further, there’s no evidence of child abuse. I really don’t think people realise how common it is for young girls to put pics online and men to share them either knowing or not knowing their age

@Lovinggran

I stepped forward for the first 3 years of my grandsons life

I had never had children ( step mum) but I stepped up to the plate because the child needed stability etc

According to his mother, Im the worse who has ever lived

GS is going 20 now

He and his mother dont see eye to eye, I have to swallow a lot and put up with a lot

Now her husband is looking at me for help

I "could" talk out of school , but where will that all end?

Who do you want to tell? what outcome are you looking for?

This. 💯

you and your husband are complicit in covering up your sons nonce behaviour. Because it suited you.

that poor baby.

hed be better far far away from all of you - and I don’t say that easily. I cannot believe you covered that up.

Hell would fucking freeze over before I’d become a xx party yo covering up child abuse.

I wonder why they concealed the pregnancy...perhaps due to ss involvement due to his past history?

Also wondering if you were considered a protective factor in the decision to return grandson to parents care...if so, its worrying that they are cutting you out.

I haven't RTFT, only the OP's posts.
If your grandson's mum concealed her pregnancy from healthcare professionals they will have opened a safeguarding case against her and your son, part of which will have likely been a request for the police to share any notable information from their files. So your son's history will have almost certainly been known to the courts when they were making their decision about what happened to your grandson.
That said, the bar for paedophile men to be denied access to their children is shockingly high. In my work as a midwife I've encountered several women who are knowingly in relationships with men that have been arrested and/or jailed for possessing / sharing CSA images, and the men still either live with or have visitation rights to their children because they've jumped through the correct hoops and social services believe they have been "rehabilitated". As if that sort if proclivity ever goes away.

Edit: typo

He wasn’t accused of being a predator pedo

You need to get over it, he’s back with his parents. If you are holding that against them and wanting to use what you know to blow up his life, you’ll never see your grandson again. SS will already know about the police involvement as they check when they complete their assessments

The problem with statistics like that is they can never show what would have happened to the same child in each scenario.

I would imagine in these studies the children that remained with their birth families included many of those that were from the most stable backgrounds relatively speaking and where the parents could show social services they had a strong support network. On the other hand those that went on to be adopted probably included those that had suffered the worst neglect, spent longer in social care and whose parents had little support.

I’m not saying in every case, but on average.

if that’s true in even just 10% of cases, is it surprising that those that remained with their birth families do better?

Non of your story makes any sense whatsoever

if police knocked on my door and accused my son of being a predator paedophile no way in a million years id agree to sweep anything under any carpet that’s utterly bizarre ??? Id pick everything apart and id insist on family therspy and getting to the very bottom of ALL the facts

if my son had a baby and behaved like he did there would be no way id hand a precious grandchild over to that shitshow

again so odd and weird behaviour from your son

you also give no explanation whatsoever for why her parents came at you aggressively??? Why ??? Out of the blue with no explanation? And why the sudden frezxing you out?? Why

lots of important detail missing from this story

Because if the parents have shown that they have got their shit together and provide good care following good care from grandparents, that’s a better situation than a child being in care system or adopted, we are a long way away from the days whereby social work can just take children away from family and put them up for adoption

children deserve to stay with blood relatives, if they have any willing and able.

I was taken in by my grandparents along with my brother when my mother abandoned us after he was born. She then decided after a stint in a mental health facility she wanted us back and my grandparents fought their hearts out for that not to happen. We saw our mother 3 days a week and I have no good memories of those times.

Why would anyone want children in their family to be given to complete strangers? Why would anyone want to put a child into the care system when they have family wanting to provide stability?

The parents in this situation shouldn’t be a given a choice if their child went to the grandparents in my opinion, they lost that right when the son decided to show an interest in underage girls and the mother showed no interest in her child.

But that doesn't always do the kids much good. A baby who is with the adoptive parents from 3 months old in a stable home is better than one who is shunted around family members to " try" and keep with family. Only for it to then fail later on. The child in this thread has already been taken from the grandmother after a year. Who is to say before it's 2 that the parents won't want it again. What then? How is that better for the child

Yes, every attempt will be made to keep children with family, adoption is last resort

Due to studies of how poor care experienced children do, social work will always aim to keep children with their birth family. The idea that 2 loving grandparents shouldn’t step in for a grandchild because 2 people don’t or can’t care for their child is unimaginable for most, social work will also look at cousins, great aunties etc to step in before a child goes into the foster system

If the kids are on a care order either the LA hold PR and they are fostered or the kinship carer will have been granted PR by court. Unless it's a private arrangement between the family. And then PR won't have been legally allocated. I am a kinship carer and also worked within family court. Giving a kinship carer PR does not remove it from the birth parents. Otherwise that would be adoption. It's very very rare for a court to revoke PR from a kinship carer without the kinship carers consent. I only know of 2 semi recent cases in the UK. So if the op formally cared for her grandson as registered kinship carer they couldn't legally stop her seeing him as she would still have PR. She can easily take them to court and have an arrangement order set up for scheduled time together.
If she privately returned her grandson to their care after privately caring for him then she has less chance. If she fostered him whilst the LA assessed his parents and they returned him it should have already been decided by the courts what her access to the child should be after he returns home

They do.

My best friends daughter recently ended things with her boyfriend and at the age of 17, he took some intimate photos of her when he then sent to his friends after the relationship ended.

the police were contacted and they turned up at his door at 3am with a warrant to search his room and remove electronic devices that may contain said photos. He’s currently on bail.

OP are you considering telling the social workers about the incident in order to get your grandson back?

If so - you probably won't get your grandson back and you will definitely loose your son.

Out of those 4000 how many are actually healthy young babies? Without being in a sibling group?

Actually on a quick search it shows

Newborns or babies under 1 year: probably well under 5% of children waiting to be matched for adoption at any given time, and many estimates would put it closer to 1–3%. Babies who do need adoption are usually matched very quickly through standard adoption or "foster to adopt" schemes.

The majority of children waiting are older (often aged 3 and above), part of sibling groups, have additional health or developmental needs, or have experienced significant trauma or neglect

So if the baby had been given up for adoption at birth then has pretty good chances. If it ends up in care in the future then things are not so rosy

But I wonder why the parents wanted the child a year in when they didn't before? And what happens to it if they change their mind again

Even hing from pillar to post rather than being adopted into a stable family very young? I'd like to see how they worked that out. I can understand it's better to remain with birth family than float around lots of different placements

Luckily the child had amazing, caring grandparents who did not wish to see their grandchild end up in the care system. There are nearly 4000 children waiting to be adopted in the UK.

the OP did an incredible thing. Obviously you don’t fall into the same category as them.