AIBU to feel betrayed after protecting my son’s secret for years?

Interesting thread. The law says innocent until proven guilty. Not so on MN - guilty until you can prove you’re innocent, even when the police have decided there is no case to answer. I really hope some posters here are never called for jury service.

Absolutely agree. Some of the mindless, knee jerk reactions here should give OP an idea of how her son will be viewed, and how her own involvement and ‘cover up’ will be treated.

Apologies I think we’re agreeing I should’ve quoted the poster before you

No. I was just trying to clarify what that poster meant.

OP hasn’t disclosed what the image actually was, so why are you going straight for ‘child abuse pictures’ when you have absolutely nothing to base that on ? You’re just another poster who is making massive leaps without knowing the facts. And even more disturbing, you’re throwing terms like ‘paedophile’ around without even knowing what it actually means. The police took no further action, which suggests that he accessed an image of a girl without knowing her age, or who has misrepresented her age - the internet is full of them. He was 18 at the time, so perfectly possible. Had the images been of the age range that interests actual paedophiles, the result wouldn’t have been no further action.

I’m not quite sure what your point is then - that you think he should be kept away from teenagers now?

Personally, I wouldn’t say anything. Other people have a habit of drawing their own conclusions and rumours will no doubt surface that you know more than you’re letting on and that you were complicit in the images. You never know what people could end up saying, they may say things like you supplied the images 🤷‍♀️ It’s been 5 years, just leave it. People make up shit all the time because they’ve got nothing better to do, don’t find yourself on the end of it.

Yes. I understand that. He was 18 at the time of the incident. But I don’t see the relevance of his age now.

You’re talking about ‘accessing indecent images’ as though it’s an ongoing situation. He was 18. He’s now 23. The police took no further action. Do you really think if there were child abuse images on his devices that would have been the outcome ?

Because he was a teenager surrounded by teenagers so couldn’t be “kept away from
teenagers”?

How is that relevant if the incident took placed when he was 18 ?

There is no secret to keep though. Who would she tell? The police and social services know (and know more than her), OP holds no power around this “secret”

God almighty. Read the thread. Social services were involved from the start because OP was a kinship carer. They will know all about it. MN has lost it’s collective mind once again and accusations of child abuse, shouts of ‘paedophile’ (without actually knowing what the word means) are rife without anyone actually knowing what the image was or how it was accessed. He was 18 at the time. The police accessed his devices and there was no further action. It’s more than likely that he’s viewed an image of a girl without knowing she was under age - the internet is bulging with them.

Do posters really think that NFA would have been the result if there were actual child abuse images on those devices, or that he had shared them ?

And when he had the picture he was and the police took not action over it. Do you suppose they'd just drop it if it was actually " child" abuse pictures rather than a teenager who posted it and it did the rounds?

It’s more likely than not that drugs and / or alcohol is behind this

You need to try and separate the two events.
I would try to keep calm and keep yourself in their lives peacefully and hope that in time they will allow you back in your grandson’s life. Please do not think of using your son’s past history as revenge. You will lose them for ever if you do.

I don’t understand why a couple who concealed a pregnancy and wanted a child adopted, have then gone to the effort of having the child returned to them. You must have been involved in this process, so what happened or been said to make then now cut you off?

OP - a DS who is accessing indecent images and ditching his DC for a year and then reclaiming them is not likely to be a responsible parent who considers his own parents’ bond with his child.

It’s painful but is it what it is.

They willl already know

how do you know it was child abuse material? It could be a pic a 16 year old that she has posted herself

This was actually referred to in he OP:

My husband and I stepped up as kinship carers and raised our grandson for his entire first year. Since then, the relationship has broken down, and they are now slowly and cruelly cutting us out of our grandson’s life.

What would you have done differently? OP's son wasn't even CHARGED with an offence, let alone convicted! What was she meant to do? I doubt social services would have cared about this given the son has literally no criminal record that we know of and would presumably pass an enhanced DBS check without issue. As OP, who would you have told about the police investigation which resulted in literally no action being taken?

Okay, tell us what you would have done differently? Who would you have announced it to to avoid a "cover up"?!! Bear in mind OP's son has no conviction or caution - would you write to all the neighbours letting them know he was investigated?

I do wonder if they concealed the pregnancy due to concerns about your son's past. Even the adoption plans could have been as it would be too painful to have their child taken away forcefully or to watch them grow up with a family member. Have you spoken to them? Explained why you did what you did? Did you try to block their child being returned?

I think the best thing to do, as all the authorities must be aware of your son's past, is to offer support and show that you respect their roles as parents. Being petty and revealing what happened will just come across as vindictive at this point, and prove to them that they are right to cut you off.

You remind me of my exs mum, who actually suffered some of the same abuse herself from her dear boy as my daughter and I yet still sides with him over her own damaged grandchild. I have no sympathy for mothers that protect child abusers, it suited you to believe his lies and now you reap what you sow. I can only hope that child ends up ok as if he ends up exploited or abused, you’re just as culpable. Time to fess up and raise these concerns with social services, finally protect your grandchild and other children that may fall victim to him.

Disgusting